Karyn's Favorite Childhood Toys

10. He-Man/She-Ra
Since I had an older brother, I was an equal opportunity player when it came to He-Man and She-Ra. I can’t remember what I had for dinner last night, but I will never forget the smells of Moss Man and Stinkor. Whose brilliant marketing idea was that?!




9. Lazer Tag
Looking back on it, Lazer Tag was really fucking lame, but at the time, my brother and I thought it was the coolest thing ever, despite the fact that the only place we could play it was in a 10 x 20 foot basement filled with so much crap that we couldn’t even run. I really enjoyed wearing the vest - it made me feel bad ass.




8. Stuffed Dogs
Every year, for every major holiday, I would ask my parents for a dog...and every year, for every major holiday, they got me a stuffed one. Like that was supposed to appease me or something. I acquired quite a few dogs throughout my childhood, but my favorite was Rolly from 101 Dalmations. In the end, I got my parents back – I brought home a dog when I was in college, and they’ve been taking care of it ever since.



7. Flipsiders
I loved these things – they were little board games that came out of a cassette when you flicked your wrist. The player pieces were magnets, and the spinner was the “reel” part of the cassette. My favorites were Rock Tour, Mall Madness, and Scavengers Gold. No one remembers these things, and people always look at me like I’m retarded whenever I start talking about them.



6. Care Bears
When I was 6 years old, I entered a Care Bears coloring contest at Rite Aid, for which I painstakingly made sure that every Care Bear was the exact color down to the smallest detail...and I ended up losing to someone who was too stupid to realize that Funshine Bear is yellow and Good Luck Bear is green. I remember my mom being super pissed and complaining to the manager. I’m sure that if I was old enough to know better, I would have been embarrassed. Good toys though – I had a stuffed Lion Heart Bear that I used to take with me everywhere.





5. Polly Pocket
I felt that Dan stole this idea from me when I saw that he put Mighty Max in his top ten. It’s practically an insult because Mighty Max always was and always will be Polly Pocket’s bitch. While doing research for this list, I almost bid on numerous Polly Pocket sets on eBay, but thankfully, logic set in, and I realized that I’m an adult and need to pay bills.



4. Cabbage Patch Kids
At the peak of their popularity, Cabbage Patch Kids were the "must have" toy of Christmas. My mom spent a ridiculous amount of time and effort trying to track one down and was so proud to have miraculously scored one. Unfortunately for her, it was a bald boy, and I was an ungrateful bitch. I cried and refused to play with it for months. Over time, I acquired more Cabbage Patch Dolls, but the only one still in my closet is that hated one, and his shiny bald head smells just as strongly of baby powder as it did on the day I got him. Poor neglected Barker Lyndon (yes, that was his real name)…I’m sorry I was such a terrible “mom” to you.



3. Jem
I was a huge fan of Jem and the Holograms. I watched the cartoon and listened to the cassette soundtrack religiously. I also had several of the dolls, as well as the stage set for them to perform on. Jem outshone Barbie in every way, from her flashing red earrings to her way hotter boyfriend (Gay Ken vs. Rio? No contest!). Little known fact: Jem was all about racial harmony, having band mates that were African-American, Hispanic, and Asian.



2. My Little Pony
I loved My Little Ponies, but the cartoon series/toy line lacked any real bad guys. I know Dan has heard this story a million times, but I used to create my own evil ponies by drawing thick eyebrows, handlebar moustaches, and lightning bolts on them with black permanent marker. I would then have the new baddies wreak havoc on the My Little Pony nursery. Good times.



1. Nintendo Game Boy
The original Game Boy was the first video game system that was totally mine. I never left home without it. It’s the only toy that I have played with consistently over the course of 18 years. It blows away numbers 2-10 by a mile.