10. Wrestling Superstars
Yes, as children my sister and I enjoyed watching professional wrestling. These toys were basically hunks of rubber shaped like wrestling superstars. I don’t know why, but I liked Jake “The Snake” Roberts and Rowdy Roddy Piper the most.
Here's a commercial:
9. Fisher Price Little People
I think most of the Little People toys that I played with were actually my sisters. The people were basically plastic cylinders with round heads, the play sets were really where Fisher Price put in the effort. The big ones in my house were the school and the zoo. The school had a playground that, I believe, was spring-loaded and shot out from beneath the building. The zoo had all sorts of animals, car paths, and a tunnel that went underneath the hippo pool!
8. Mighty Max
These were basically the boy version of Polly Pocket. Mighty Max always found himself in tiny adventures, most of which seemed like rip-offs of popular movies. I fondly recall a snake that opened up into an Indiana Jones type place, one that resembled the movie Alien, and a skull that turned into Frankenstein’s lab. I don’t know why I liked these so much, but I’m looking at pictures now and I kind of want one. I am choosing “The Palace of Poison” as my favorite because I think it had a trapdoor in it. Trapdoors and secret doors were an aspect of play sets that I really appreciated as a child.
Is that what I looked like when I was playing with these? Oh dear.
7. Happy Meal Toys
Most people consider Happy Meal toys junk, but I remember continually playing with a handful of these. One that I really enjoyed was the Tale Spin die-cast planes collection. I think I may have only had Baloo’s plane, but it was still pretty cool. Another great line was when Looney Tunes characters dressed up as superheroes. This combined two of my favorite things: Looney Tunes and DC Comics characters. Of course, Daffy Duck as Batman was my favorite. My absolute favorite Happy Meal toy was the animated Back to the Future Delorean. The Delorean was awesome because it shot sparks out of its back.
Back to the Future Commercial:
6. Robocop
I had not seen Robocop as a child, but I still knew the toys were badass. These were the only action figures I knew of where you could stick caps in their back and they would actually make shooting sounds and gunsmoke! ED-209, a giant robot with gun arms, was pretty cool, although he eventually snapped in half. The best part of the line was the vehicle selection. A copter, a police car, and my absolute favorite: a mobile prison called the Robo-Jailer. A kid in my preschool class brought this in for show-and-tell and I immediately wanted one. It was basically a big hollow van with two independent cells where criminals could be locked up. These toys were also very versatile, the Robocop characters and vehicles fit in perfectly with my Batman or X-Men ones. This became even more important after I lost Robocop’s helmet, and he essentially became useless. Who wants to play with this?:
Here's a commercial:
5. Police Academy
I loved this cartoon/movie because I wanted to be a police officer; I especially wanted to be a police officer who could mimic sound effects. Similar to Robocop, these toys could fit in well with other lines. It offered some cool vehicles and kid-size accessories, but the high point was the Police Station. This thing offered a trap door(!) under the police lineup that led directly into the jail cell, a spring-loaded jail door that could swing back and trap cops in their locker room, and a giant gun on the roof. This is the perfect companion to the Ghostbusters Fire House.
4. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
TMNT toys had a lot of crazy characters that were creative and fun to play with. My favorite toys were when they would take the ninja turtles and set them to different themes. The sports theme included a Leonardo that could actually throw a football, a music theme had rapping and heavy metal Turtles, a war theme had civil war and WWII Turtles and bad guys. One of my top three was Invisible Man Michaelangelo, who was based on the H.G. Wells character. I also liked the Footcruiser, although this is mostly because it kind of looked like a Batmobile. My absolute favorite was Super Shredder from the second movie. This guy looked like he could kick anyone’s ass:
Bebop as a purple-uniformed Nazi
Michaelangelo as Flava Flav.
3. Star Wars
I love Star Wars, so naturally I loved the toys. Of these toys my favorites were Bespin Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader with Removable Helmet. The Luke toy was cool because it actually looked like Mark Hamill, which was apparently difficult because most Luke toys looked like monsters:
Bespin Luke’s hand could also be removed, just like in the movie. The Darth Vader was cool because his helmet was removable. I don’t know if I had much reason to play with a helmet-less Vader, but I’m sure I fashioned one story or another around it.
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
2. Ghostbusters
Ghostbusters featured a lot of interesting characters and vehicles. I remember such toys as a toilet turned into a monster that looked like it could eat people, an old woman who turned into a monster that looked like it could eat people, and a mailman who turned into a monster that looked like it could eat people. The one figure I always wanted from this line was a ghostbusting Slimer that came with a proton pack. However, pictures on the internet show that its lameness probably would have disappointed me. Of all of the toys, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man was my favorite. I guess he was kind of a useless character, but I always managed to find stories for him.
1. Batman
Surprise, I enjoyed playing with Batman toys. My favorites of these were also my favorite Batman villains. First up was “Lethal Impact Bane.” This guy was huge compared to my other toys, and he looked like he could break Batman’s back like he did in the comic. Two-Face was another favorite of mine, and the toy from the animated series was one of the only figures I had of him. I also enjoyed the Joker, particularly the one that came with some sort of smiley-face weapon that could bite. It is unclear what this weapon’s actual purpose was.
After writing this list, I would like to apologize to my parents for asking them for all of this crap.
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