Dan's Top Ten Overrated Movies

10. Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn
Evil Dead certainly has its cult following, and I will freely admit that I kind of like Ash’s third appearance: Army of Darkness. I just don’t think Evil Dead 2 is as funny or scary as it thinks it is. Bruce Campbell gives it his all, but the slapstick and monster attacks quickly become tedious.


I think I missed the joke.

9. Minority Report
I generally tend to like Steven Spielberg films, I don’t particularly hate Tom Cruise performances, and this movie is based on a story by Philip K. Dick, one of my favorite authors; yet, their combined powers are incredibly underwhelming. The movie has great design (the computer interface, the sonic guns, the cars, the spider-bots), but it is let down by some terrible choices (Cruise’s “disguise,” the product placement, the need to remove moral ambiguity from the protagonist’s actions, the ridiculous complications added to the original short story). Spielberg’s vision of the future is cool, but his choice of screenplay is not.


Welcome to the Gap!

8. Ringu
I was told that Ringu was much better than the American remake titled The Ring. Being the practical man that I am, I decided to forgo the remake and check out the original instead. Boy, was I disappointed. For those not aware, a mysterious video kills anyone who views it. However, the twist is that this movie is about as scary as a phishing scam.


Yes, Ringu, I’m afraid of 1960’s film school projects too.

7. Moulin Rouge!
Moulin Rouge! is a musical for the attention deficient MTV generation. Songs stick around long enough for the viewer to recognize them, and then shift to another equally shrill interpretation of a classic song. The movie propels itself forward at an unbearably manic pace; shots change continuously, characters run around, there’s lots of shouting. This mess left me out of breath and hoping it would all be over soon.


It's set in the past, but they're singing Nirvana!

6. Beowulf
Beowulf is essentially a videogame disguised as a movie. The story is divided into several boss battles, one of which Beowulf fights while completely naked. PRO TIP: The dragon’s weakness is the glowing emblem on his chest!


Would you like to buy a strategy guide with your copy of Beowulf?


5. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
This film tells the harrowing tale of a nice young man browbeaten by his fiancée’s family until he caves in to their every desire. There’s a lot of shrieking (common among films about wedding preparation), along with a bunch of wacky people who don’t understand American customs.


How can this insolent girl want to have life of her own?

4. The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Rocky Horror Picture Show reenactors are the bottom rung of the entertainment industry, definitely lower than mimes. Every song, character, and scene in this movie grates on my nerves.


Not. For. Me.

3. Scarface
This movie became overrated the minute Tony Montana’s face was plastered on a T-shirt roughly the length of a kitchen table. Tony snorts and shoots his way through innumerable amounts of coke and adversaries before his downfall. I don’t think this movie is much more than a mediocre gangster film centered around a memorable (over-the-top) performance by Al Pacino. Pacino’s Montana is a drug-fueled maniac; however, he is a self-made man, so the perfect role model for today’s youth.


This clip pretty much speaks for itself.


2. Crash
This Academy Award winner for best picture is the laughably overwrought tale of Los Angelinos who can’t speak for five minutes without exhibiting their racism. Writer-director Paul Haggis is probably trying to show everyone that they have a little racism inside them, but every character comes off as a ridiculously unrelatable cartoon character. Ludacris (who acts well in this) walks around calling people “chinamen,” proceeds to run over one of these “chinamen,” and then finds out said “chinamen” is running a slavery ring. Sandra Bullock yells racist comments at her maid, falls on her ass, and then is nice to her maid. Ryan Philippe’s character isn’t racist, until he is racist and shoots a black man. I think you get the point: this movie is fucking terrible.


This movie is fucking terrible.

1. Shrek
Probably the most insidious film on this list because it inspired years of cheap, shallow, computer animated cartoons. Critics praised Shrek for its sly humor that adults could get and its twisted take on the traditional Disney fairy tale. Of course they generally fail to mention that this humor consists of exploding birds, poop jokes, and references to boy bands (I must admit, the first film is much better than the small amounts of the sequels I have seen). I don’t know about you, but I find the humor in most Disney and Pixar films to be more mature and enjoyable than anything seen in Shrek. It pains me to think that people get confused and attribute all computer-animated films to Pixar. Ugh.


It's still probably better than The Love Guru.