BEST
5. Summer Share Tony
Tony appeared on the MTV True Life episode “I Have a Summer Share.” Every summer, Tony rents out a summer time share on the Jersey shore. However, this summer is special because he’s looking for the lady who will one day marry him. Like Michael Scott, Tony wanders around his life blissfully unaware of how ridiculous he is. He gets trashed, picks fights, hits on the ladies, but he’ll be happy as long as he can end the night with “Cheese bawls and steak sangwiches.”
Best. Dance. Ever.
Watch the whole episode here!
4. Tim Gunn
The impeccably fashioned Tim Gunn serves as the mentor to the designers on Project Runway. Tim reminds me of my art professors, which is appropriate since he was a professor at Parsons The New School for Design for 25 years. Tim offers his sage—although rarely taken—advice on how to improve design elements. When Tim Gunn looks at your work, you hope he says, “Carry on,” and not, “Make it work!”
Ha, he’s such a square.
3. Gordon Ramsay
Chef Ramsay is the host of several cooking-related shows, all of them amazing. On Hell’s Kitchen, Ramsay gives a group of unqualified chefs the chance to run a restaurant. Hell’s Kitchen is entertaining, but I can’t help but feel bad for the thousands of more qualified people who will never get this opportunity to run a famous restaurant. My favorite Ramsay show is Kitchen Nightmares, great television in both its British and American iterations. On these shows, Ramsay helps sad-sack restaurant owners bring their businesses out of the gutter. I’m constantly amazed at how disgusting the kitchens in these places are. I pray that no restaurant I’ve ever eaten at deserves to be on this show. If there’s one thing that brings Kitchen Nightmares down, it’s the hyperbolic narrator of the American version.
Will this finally be the restaurant that sends Ramsay over the edge?????
2. Conan O’Brien
Conan rose from the relative obscurity of a Simpsons writer to late night host almost overnight. I can’t imagine how weird that must have seemed to both him and the many Simpsons writers who still live in obscurity. Conan livens up network TV’s otherwise dull late night lineups with his Harvard-bred wit and manic energy. His jokes don’t always hit the mark, but his memorable performances during the writer’s strike show that he is a master of comedy when left to his own devices.
Conan is so mean to his associate producer Jordan.
1. Andy Rooney
What is there to say about Andy Rooney that hasn’t already been said in his eighty years of broadcasting? Andy Rooney is willing to give you his two cents on everything from politics to junk mail to rubber bands. Rooney has given us gems like, “Protesters try to make statements with their umbrellas, but umbrellas aren’t good for statement-making.” Anyone who is paid to go on television and say things like that deserves my respect and admiration.
Watch CBS Videos Online
Top 5 Worst after the jump!
WORST
5. Howie Mandel
“Deal or No Deal” is the most inane game show to reach network primetime, and I’m not forgetting the John McEnroe hosted “The Chair.” Howie hams up the set like a hairless Robin Williams, excitedly shouting, “Deal or no deal?” and ogling the case-holding women. You can smell Howie’s desperate desire to be liked in every exchange he has with the contestants and audience.
Yeah, this actually happened.
4. Jerry Springer
I actually hate Springer more for his role on America’s Got Talent than as the host of his awful talk show. Jerry somehow manages to be the worst personality on a show that has David Hasselhoff and Sharon Osbourne (Not to mention previous host Regis Philbin). AGT proves that America’s got sappy sob stories more than it’s got talent. Jerry’s primary role seems to be weeping offstage as performers overcome everything life’s thrown at them and belt out a warbly version of “Unchained Melody.”
Watch Jerry cry at 5:15
3. Flavor Flav
I find it difficult to believe that the women on “Flavor of Love” find this clock-strapped goblin attractive. I find it even harder to believe that this show was popular enough to spawn spinoffs and spinoffs of spinoffs. VH1 has seemingly surpassed MTV as the destroyer of modern culture. All of VH1’s shows exhibit ignorant, hateful people fighting with, and slobbering on each other. And Flavor Flav is to blame.
There don't seem to be any good videos on Youtube, and VH1's website is awful to navigate
2. Oprah
Oprah makes this list because she unleashed Dr. Phil and The Secret onto an unsuspecting world. Dr. Phil crawled out of Oprah’s uterus on a storm drenched Oklahoman night in a torch-lined, pentagram-shaped clearing. Once emerged, Dr. Phil uttered some folksy wisdom and crawled onto the set of his own show. Oprah’s more grievous crime is the Secret. The Secret has traveled a path of destiny similar to the clue that’s passed down the Gates’ family line in the first National Treasure movie. The Secret has passed through histories greatest minds, including Beethoven, Lincoln, Einstein, and Flav. I’m going to go off on a bit of a rant here and save you $29.99 by telling you what the Secret is: Think positively and good stuff will happen. This is obviously ridiculous. When I was a kid I wished day-in and day-out for the Caveman Ninja Turtles that came with dinosaurs, and I never got them.
Caveman Raphael = Awesome
A follower of the Secret might say that I had the tiniest ounce of negativity, damning me to my non-Caveman Ninja Turtle existence. I disagree, I was incredibly positive that I would one day get those toys. Maybe I still will one day, maybe that’s the Secret. Another thing: Why do people assume the “Ancients” were hiding secret knowledge from us? Humanity, VH1 excluded, is smarter than it ever was. Also, if Lincoln used the Secret, why did he get shot in the head?
This is worth watching.
1. Rosie O’Donnell
Rosie rose to stardom with a daytime talk show centered around Tom Cruise and Koosh Balls. After the show ended, O’Donnell got a crazy haircut, came out of the closet, and began shrieking at Donald Trump. She is appearing next in the certain-to-be-unwatchable variety program “Rosie Live!”
Why is that man being so mean to a woman who is clearly mentally handicapped?
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