Josh's List of Top Ten Lies Told in College

WARNING: This list is rated PG-13 to R

10. It's just gonna be a guy's/girl's night, I'm sorry.
When is it used? When a boyfriend or girlfriend can't spend another minute with their respective other. It can also be used by a friend, who can't stand their friend's better half anymore.
Why is it a lie? This is number ten because every once in a while it's not a lie. More often than not though, this is used to get away from an ever-present significant other, and the person is NOT sorry.

9. I'll be graduating in four years.
When is it used? Freshman, sophomore and junior year. Usually when talking to parents.
Why is it a lie? Alcohol, sex and dicking around.

8. Don't worry, I'm on the pill.
When is it used? Right before sex.
Why is it a lie? She isn't. She is just looking for the MRS degree.

7. I studied all night
When is it used? When someone needs to intimidate classmates, or assure themselves somehow, as if by repeating something over and over, it will become true.
Why is it a lie? Usually, the person spent all night playing WoW or getting drunk. It's college for god sakes.

6. I e-mailed you that paper, it must have just not gone through.
When is it used? Whenever someone needs to trick a technologically illiterate professor into extending a deadline for a paper the person has not even started yet. Other variations include "I uploaded it to courseweb", "The e-mail address you gave us bounced back"
Why is it a lie? What is this, 1997? How often do emails get lost in cyberspace? It doesn't count if your spam filter picks it up. People should know by now that e-mail, especially on a university server, is pretty reliable.

5. I'm 21.
When is it used? When a freshman or sophomore wants to get into a bar?
Why is it a lie? Their ID picture makes them look like a future pedophile and they only have one name. Who do they think they are, Seal?

4. I'm drunk too.
When is it used? When a male wants to relieve his own conscience and the concerns of the sloppily drunk female he is preparing to fool around with.
Why is it a lie? He has had one or two beers, but doesn't want to think about the fact that technically it's rape.

3. Nothing.
When is it used? When a male inquires with a female about the possibility of the female being angry, sad or just in a mood. Usually the question will be "What's wrong?"
Why is it a lie? Most often there is most definitely something wrong. It is usually something the male asking the question either caused, or failed to notice when the female was expressing what she believed were obvious signs of her emotional distress.

2. That's what she said.
When is it used? Essentially anytime anyone says anything that could be remotely interpreted as sexual.
Why is it a lie? Rarely, if ever, does the person know a girl who has said such a thing.

1. I came.
When is it used? During or after sex. It is most frequently used by the female in the equation, but males have been known to use this line very occasionally.
Why is it a lie? Most often, she or he didn't. When do women lie about it? According to my friend, "Sometimes you'll find someone who has no idea what they're doing or sometimes you're really tired and you don't want to be that girl who won't just have sex so you fake it to get it over with, get them to climb off you, and go to bed."