Josh on....the Best and Worst Vacation Spots

The Worst

5. Tattoine
One of the things I hate the most is the sun. Another constant bother in my life is sand. That stuff gets everywhere and takes weeks to clean off thoroughly. So essentially, for me, one of the least enjoyable climates would be the dessert. Tattoine? Yeah. It's a whole god damn planet of dessert. For me, Tattoine would be the vacation from hell.

4. Pittsburgh
OK, I obviously live in Pittsburgh. As somewhere to live, it's perfectly fine. But as a vacation spot? Not for me. There are a few quaint and interesting places to go and see, but the majority of those locations will garner a "meh" reaction, or in the case of Primanti Brothers, a stomach-ache. While Pittsburgh is consistently rated one of the best places to live, there is a recent you don't see it on many "best places to spend a weekend" lists. It's just too boring to go on vacation here.

3. The Future
Destruction by a giant meteor crashing into Earth. Everyone walking around in silver jump suits. Machines enslaving humans in concentration camps. Monkeys somehow evolving beyond humans and getting the upper hand, making humans their slaves. If movies and television are to be believed, these are just some of the potential horrors that await you in the future. So before you jump in your Delorean and gun it to 88, remember that depending on when you end up, the future could be the shittiest vacation ever.

2. Gotham
This fictional city in the DC universe is rife with crime. Furthermore, it is consistently, dark and dingy and filled with psychopaths. The insane asylum, which is in Gotham, is possibly the worst ever built. People constantly escape from it and cause all sorts of trouble. With Gotham's most feared and respected protector, Batman, missing, now would be a horrible time to visit Gotham. Who knows if you would make it out?

1. Small Town USA
I don't watch many horror movies. However, almost all of the horror movies I've seen take place in the same location: small town USA. Again, relying on the wisdom of movies and television, there is a strong possibility of any number of horrors awaiting us on our weekend retreat to a bed and breakfast. First of all, the bed and breakfast could be old-school haunted. Or maybe an ancient coming of age ritual for two murderous alien species could take place right in that small town, before it gets nuked. You could be cut to little pieces by beaks. The doctor in town could turn out to be some douche bag from Hollywood just there because the girl he is sleeping with won't leave. Or, you could get stuck in a time loop for years, with no idea how to escape.

Check out the Best vacation spots after the jump!

The Best

5. Childhood Home
That's right, your childhood home. If you don't live at home anymore, a short visit in the form of a vacation can be just what one needs. Great mom home-cooking combined with seeing family and friends can be a nice break from the rat race. Of course, if it's too long of a visit, you'll need a vacation from your vacation.

4.Disney World
In my younger days I visited Disney World on two separate occasions. The most recent visit was during high school. As long as you're a kid at heart, there is plenty of fun to be had!



3. London
During college I spent a semester living in Her Majesty's capital. While it is quite tricky to live there on a fixed budget with no income, I gathered that a four-seven day vacation would be amazing. The city and the surrounding towns are lovely and filled with fun and interesting places to visit.

2. Washington, DC
I've been to America's capitol several times this semester. There is only one word to describe it: epic. Walking amongst all those historic buildings only makes me think about the great leaders past, present and yet to come who have changed this world for the better. Plus, there are some really cool museums. Definitely a great place for a weekend get-away.

1. Space
That's right, the final frontier. While vacationing in space you can float around and have a jolly old time. Plus, with the right equipment you can go on all sorts of fun adventures. Definitely a good time.


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Dan's 5 Favorite/Least Favorite Vacation Spots

Similar to Brett, I have not traveled to very many places. So, I have peppered my list with a number of fictional hot (and not) spots.

Worst

5. Rekall
Rekall gives you the vacation of a lifetime by implanting false memories into your mind. This is fine in theory, unless you have already erased the memories of being an underling to an evil Martian slumlord. Then you might run into troubs.
Travel Tip: Buy a sturdy space suit.


4. Cemetery
My parents became obsessed with genealogy one summer; for some reason this meant we had to go to various cemeteries and find the long-lost gravestones of distant relatives.
Travel Tip: Avoid these guys:


3. Hoth
Hoth is one of the most inhospitable planets in the Star Wars universe. Leaving your base is likely to result in a Wampa attack or freezing to death.
Travel Tip: The only way to survive Hoth's cold nights are in the belly of a Tauntaun.

2. Mordor
Mordor could possibly be the most evil place in any fictional realm. This pockmarked land is filled with horrifying creatures, violent volcanoes, and an all-seeing eye.
Travel Tip: Find a handy guide at www.gollumtours.com



1. Parmistan
Parmistan was the insane country featured in the movie Gymkata. Parmistan forces foreign visitors to participate in the Game, a grueling endurance race in which Parmistan soldiers chase them. The Game culminates in a town where insane people roam around and stab each other with pitchforks. Visitors are granted one wish if they survive. I’d say it’s worth it.
Travel Tip: Steer clear of Parmistan.

Luckily, crazy town has a pommel horse in its town square!



Best

5. Seahaven
Visit the set of the most famous reality show in history. The idyllic town made famous in The Truman Show sits inside a gigantic dome in California. You can choose the current time and weather, and purchase the town’s many sponsored consumer products. Why, you may even find yourself on television!
Travel Tip: Christof is still mad about the whole Truman leaving thing, so don’t mention it to him.

4. Gotham City
Many people would probably put this on their worst vacation spot list, not me. Sure, you might be killed, but you also have a good chance of becoming a superhero or villain during your stay. Gotham probably has the highest hero/villain per person ratio of any comic book city: Batman, Nightwing, Batgirl, Azrael, Huntress, the Question, Batwoman, about six Robins, and those are just the good guys.
Travel Tip: Buy your cape and cowl before traveling to Gotham City


3. Toontown
I’m a big fan of cartoons, especially the old Merry Melodies and Silly Symphonies. Traveling to Toontown would certainly be an interesting experience. However, it is probably best to keep the visit short since I’m not sure how long anyone could put up with all the zaniness, not to mention the falling safes, for an extended period of time.
Travel Tip: Don’t touch the Goofy.

2. Space
Space is pretty fucking sweet.
Travel Tip: In space, no one can hear you scream, so make sure people know where you are at all times.


In case you didn't know what it looked like

1. 25 miles from the Century III Mall
Karyn and I once took a trip to Fallingwater and stayed at a place that ended up being only 25 miles from the beloved Century III Mall. It was quite the getaway.
Travel Tip: Avoid Hoss’ Steakhouse.



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Hula Boy's Best/Worst Vacation Spots

I'm not sure I really get this category, maybe there is an excitement that I'm unaware of, but here is my stab at it. I've only been on three different vacations in my life, and two were really not exciting enough to warrant a spot on this list, so I did some guessing to put this together...

Best Five Vacation Spots
5. New York City
New York City is the only American city better than the one I currently live in. So, if I was to travel to a city, there would be no place more happening than here. I'd choose this spot in the winter time, as I feel like the city takes on a unique quality during the winter.

4. Hollywood
I've never been to Hollywood, but I envision it as quite the hangout spot. This is solely based on my knowledge of the city through Entourage however. Who wouldn't want to take a tour of the homes of famous people though. There is something exciting about semi-stalking celebrities.

3. Sin City, Nevada
Las Vegas is another city that I haven't visited, but I bet would be pretty cool based on the different movies and television shows I have seen in the area. I mean the original CSI gives it such a great reputation, who wouldn't want to visit?

2. Disney World
Has any kid not enjoyed their requisite trip to Disney World/Disney Land? I feel like this is a mandatory experience growing up, and one that every child should experience.

1. Wall, England
Stardust is an awesome movie. While Ipswitch seems like a boring, typical town, Wall exhibits an excitement beyond this world. As great as Disney World is, Wall is better. It's like the Disney World for adults.

Five Worst Vacation Spots

5. The Midwest
I went to St. Louis once. I heard it is one of the more exciting places to be in the Midwest. It sucked. I would never recommend anyone visit anywhere else in the Midwest. I feel like the United States should attempt to sell the Midwest (minus Chicago) to some other country (maybe Canada). How much do you think we could make?

4. Canada
As bad as the Midwest sucks, I envision Canada being even worse. Everyone there has a round head that opens right down the middle. Plus they speak really funny. And we blame them a lot, despite the fact they are really just the United States lite.

3. Antarctica
I have no interest in going somewhere where there is very little human life and it is constantly below freezing. I'll get my share of Polar Bears at the local zoo.

2. A Third World Country
I have no interest in going to a third world country in my spare time.

1. Hell
I've heard it sucks.
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This Week

This week's topic is the 5 Best/5 Worst places to take a vacation. Real or fictional of course.
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Hula Boy's Updated Top Ten Pets

10. Hooch - Turner and Hooch

If he is good enough to be Tom Hanks' partner and best friend, he is assuredly good enough to be my partner and best friend.



9. Digby - Pushing Daisies

Who else wouldn't want a dead dog from this great, but untimely canceled television show.

8. Hercules - Sandlot

If anyone has seen Sandlot (which is hopefully everyone), then they know the mythology and badassery that surrounds this dog.

7. Mr. Bigglesworth - Austin Powers

To possess Mr. Bigglesworth, is to possess power. Plus, Sphinx hairless cats are just plain cool.

6. Scooby Doo - Scooby Dooby Doo

Top three reasons to have Scooby Doo as a pet: he solves crimes, he talks, he goes ruh-roa.

5. Bugs Bunny - Tiny Toons

My favorite cartoon character hands down.

4. Garfield - Garfield and Friends

Garfield is wickedly funny. On the downside, he would eat me out of house and home.



3. Howard the Duck - Howard the Duck

Has anyone seen Howard the Duck the movie? Lea Thompson falls in love with him. I mean, who wouldn't want a pet who gets chicks like that.



2. ALF - ALF

ALF would definitely be a better pet than E.T.



1. The Cat in the Hat - The Cat in the Hat

Does anyone remember the fun that The Cat in the Hat had? (Note this is not the Mike Myers Cat in the Hat)
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Josh on...The Top 10 Fictional Pets

10. The Sliph - Sword in Truth Series
I'm going hardcore nerd here. The Sliph is a creature in Terry Goodkind's "Sword of Truth" series that pops up in the last few books. The premise is the sliph allows people to travel in it pretty much instantly to almost anywhere. The other plus side? Your trip inside the sliph does not feel instantaneous, it takes some time. And the entire trip is supposedly euphoric. Could be a fun way to get around.

9. Gold Bug - Ender in Exile
In Orson Scott Card's newest novel, "Ender in Exile" the colonists on some of the original bugger worlds discover large gold bugs. Essentially, these are worms that eat rocks and shit out gold. Pretty straightforward, and an easy way to make some cash!

8. Donkey - Shrek
Sure, he's a donkey, and sure he smells. But he is also pretty witty and voiced by Eddie Murphy. All in all a lovable sidekick for any would-be adventurer.

7. Snarf - Fable 2
In Fable 2, my character had a dog named Snarf. While Donkey would be a good companion, the loyal Snarf is much better. He not only attacks enemies, but is pretty much invincible. Also, while out exploring, whether that be fields or caves, Snarf was always able to help find buried treasure. Talk about a great dog!

6. Rancor - Star Wars
This is pretty obvious. If you had a rancor as a pet, you'd be pretty bad ass. While not as cool as some of the other things lower on the list, a rancor would definitely be able to mess up your enemies. That is, unless your enemy is a jedi.

5. Lassie - Lassie
I mean, does this really need an explanation? I fall down a lot of wells. It's critical to have a dog that can go get help.

4. Cameron - Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Dan pointed out that this category includes "made-up creatures." In his list, he put the terminator from the original two movies, asserting that it was a made-up creature. After all, who are we to define what is alive? To that end, obviously Cameron (unknown model) is much cooler than the Series 800 Model 101 portrayed by the Governor of California. First of all, she blends in much better. In a super-strong and nearly invincible body guard, sometimes that's what you want. Further, she is a better model. Presumably (and based on recent episodes) this means she could kick a S800 M101's ass. Meaning if Dan and I ran into each other, my protector would beat his. Also, she is better eye candy.

3. Epona - Zelda
Dan has already discussed how awesome Epona is. She is always there when you need her, and travels fast. I put her so high on the list because I think travelling by horse is pretty cool. Maybe it's just my long upbringing involving adventures taking place in some sort of medieval time situation.

2. Krypto - Superboy
Dogs are obviously man's best friend. But what if you're more than a regular man? Then of course you need more than the regular dog. That's why I would definitely want Krypto as a pet. He is of course a dog who has similar powers to Superman. Krypto would make an excellent guard dog, and can fly! The perfect combination in any pet.

1. Falcor - The Never Ending Story
It may seem to some like Falcor is a little redundant on this list. Sure, he can fly and shoot fire. But how does that make him better than Krypto or an always-loyal machine? One word: luck. In addition to regular dragon skills, Falcor is EXTREMELY lucky. Take a final while sitting on Falcor? A. Take someone on a date and use Falcor as your transportation? You're getting invited up afterwards. Who couldn't use a little extra luck?


DELETE THIS TEXT WITH THE SECOND HALF OF YOUR POST
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Dan's Top Ten Fictional Pets

10. Amy-Congo
Amy can use sign language, which is fun. She can also wield a laser gun in the fight against evil white gorillas…or something. I forget how that movie ended, but I do know there were diamonds and lava!

9. Wilbur-Charlotte’s Web
I read Charlotte’s Web so much when I was a kid that the binding began to fall apart. Wilbur sure is “some pig.”

8. Snoopy-Peanuts
Snoopy manages to be sassy without ever saying anything.


Bleah!

7. T-101 (T-800)-Terminator 2: Judgment Day
I could never remember if Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character is called a T-101 or T-800, and the Wikipedia entry did nothing to resolve this. In T2, the T-101 is essentially a guard dog for John Connor. Viewed as such, it’s the most badass guard dog ever.

6. Chip N’ Dale
In classic cartoons, these lovable scamps were the bane of Donald Duck’s existence. Donald is kind of an ass, so it was nice to see him put in his place. Chip and Dale have received modern makeovers (Chip donned a dapper hat, and Dale put on a goofy Hawaiian shirt.) The duo also began to fight crime and starred in an awesome NES video game.


Such a good cartoon!


5. Epona-The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Epona is Link’s faithful steed in several Zelda games. Wherever you are, Epona is just a 6-note tune on an ocarina away. This is incredibly useful when you are in a jam or need to travel across Hyrule Field in a hurry.

4. Wishbone
I like books, and so does Wishbone! A pet that can make classic literature relevant to modern life is a great teaching aid.

3. Remy-Ratatouille
What’s better than having a pet who can cook for you?

2. Ewok-Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
I caught bits and pieces of RotJ this weekend on television, and it reminded me of how adorable ewoks are. As long as you are nice to them, they won’t fire a rock into your head with a slingshot.

1. Willy-Free Willy
This was one of my favorite movies when I was a kid. Who doesn’t want a pet that could destroy most other animals, yet is still kind to a troubled youth?




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Next Topic

Our next topic will be "Top Ten Fictional Animals I Would Like to Have as Pets." These can be cartoon animals, book animals, movie animals, videogame animals, all sorts of animals! This list can include made-up creatures (such as a dewback or rancor) and real animals (like Mickey Mouse or Lassie).
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Hula Boy's Best and Worst Five Television Personalities

WORST Television Personalities

I'm not gonna lie, I used some of these spots to simply showcase YouTube videos that I wanted to put up.

5. Rosie O'Donnell
Who's excited for Rosie Live!! I can't wait!

4. Pat Sajak
There are few people as boring as Pat Sajak. And who aspires to be a game show host? You know what, I really like watching people try and guess letters, I should try and host that show. And how do these shows last for so long. Wheel of Fortune has got to be the most boring show ever (the perfect complement to Pat Sajak), yet the show has been on longer than I've been alive. How is this fair when shows like Pushing Daisies get canceled after one and a half years.

3. Emmitt Smith
Emmitt Smith has a very poor command of English grammar and a very limited vocabulary, while barely being able to speak English. Who thought that he would make a great television analyst? This clip is hilarious...


2. Keith Olbermann
is an @sshole.

1. Carson Daly
I'm not sure anyone was born with less talent than Carson Daly. Yet somehow his charisma sparked the phenomenon that was Total Request Live. This eventually led to him getting his own late night talk show, that continually gets pushed back later and later into the night. Before you know it Carson Daly will be on at 4 am, where it rightfully belongs.

Close calls: Mark Walberg, Tom Berenger, Oprah Winfrey, Jeff Probst, the guy that hosts The Amazing Race, Al Roker, Martha Stewart

BEST Five Television Personalities

5. Mister Rogers
Mister Rogers made my childhood. He is the reason that I decided to spend my time in Pittsburgh. He is the reason that I can tie my shoe. When growing up we had a next door neighbor named Mr. Rogers. Up until the age of eight, I thought that he was Mister Rogers. Much to my dismay when I finally saw his face (think Home Improvement) I was completely blown to find out that it was not the real Mister Rogers.


4. John Madden
John Madden belongs in the Unintentional Comedy's Hall of Fame. The following video is great, I'm not sure what is better, his discussion on The Incredible Hulk or Super Mario.


3. Sarah Silverman
I like Sarah Silverman. I like Jimmy Kimmel. I feel that Jimmy Kimmel gets a bad rap, and while he doesn't belong on this list, I felt like this was an appropriate place to defend his comedic abilities.


2. Gordon Ramsey
I'm currently addicted to Gordon Ramsey. He has the best two reality shows on television, Hell's Kitchen and Kitchen Nightmares, both of which solely work because of his presence. I don't think any other individual could carry two television programs.

1. Alex Trebek
How could it not, the man is brilliant, he knows all. I mean how many questions has he read over the past 42 years? One of the coolest moments was when I got to sit in the studio of a Jeopardy program. I got to fully witness the genius that is Trebek.

Close calls: Donald Trump's hair, Howie Mandel's hair, Bob Ross, Conan O'Brien, Mo Racca, Elizabeth Hasselbeck
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Josh on...The Best/Worst TV Personalities

This week we looked at the five worst and the five best television personalities.

Worst
5. Jerry Springer
While Dan hates Jerry for his role elsewhere, I hate him for displaying to the world the worst America has to offer. Not only that, I hate him for actually staying on the air so long, while great television shows drop like flies.

4. Judge Judy
As Jerry Springer shows the world the worst of American culture, Judge Judy shows the world the worst of the American judicial system. While the cases are real, they are also really god damn annoying. I also blame Judy for the plethora of other court shows that have begun to crop up. While she wasn't the first television courtroom persona, I believe she was the most infectious and has had the best ratings, thus allowing the other shows to exist. The only half-way decent show of this format was "Judge Reinhold" but it was canceled almost immediately.

3. Sarah Palin
I'm just going to cut this off right now. There has been some speculation about Sarah Palin's future career being a talk show host. So I put her on the list just in case that does happen. In such an event I am predicting that it will not be good. So, to avoid having to come back and change the list, she makes it at number three.

2. John Edward
Luckily, this tool no longer seems to be on the air. Why, you may ask? As South Park put it, he was the biggest douche in the world. I'll give him some credit though, as he was able to milk his "talent" for quite some time. But eventually, people realized what was going on.



1. Simon Cowell
Like Judy or Springer, Cowell doesn't get blamed in my book for just American Idol. No, if that wasn't bad enough, I also credit him with the success of any future horrible shows where three judges sit there and bitch to people on national television about some talent or skill that the person has worked at for a great amount of time, only to come on television and be ridiculed about. That includes shows like "Dancing with the Stars" not to mention the horrible horrible subsequent seasons of "American Idol" and its immediately related progeny. For these horrible sins against television driven by plot or character, I condemn Simon Cowell to his rightful place as the worst television personality.

The Best Television Personalities are after the break!

Best

5. Jonathan Karsh
You may have forgotten all about Jonathan Karsh, but I can't. He was a huge part of why I loved Kid Nation so much. He was able to handle the complete ridiculousness of his job on the show with a straight face. In the end, his performance was worth its weight in gold...literally.

4. CNN Political Team
I considered limiting this to just one member of the Best Political Team on television. But this personality works best as one entire team. From Wolf Blitzer to John Carville, everyone brings something different and plays their part on this team. But, no matter what else I say, there are two words that send CNN's Political Team into the top 5. Holograms Bitches.



3. Jerry Seinfeld
I wasn't positive if Jerry qualified as a tv personality. He plays himself on a show, but the "self" he plays could also be described as a character. Nonetheless, I put him squarely in the category and near the top. His observations and comedy in the show and in the stand-up bits before-hand gave us 9 seasons of hilarity.

2. Mr. Rogers
Does this really need an explanation? He taught life lessons to an entire generation of Americans. May he rest in peace.

1. Jeff Cannatta
Anyone that knows me knows I'm a huge fan of The Totally Rad Show. It's a weekly web-tv show that reviews movies, video games, comics and television. I could have picked any of the three hosts for this top spot, but I chose Jeff. He always brings an interesting spin to the conversations. He pushes the conversations and takes them in deeper directions. Also, the TRS represents the future of televiison: the internet. Niche programming that can be perfectly tailored to its target audience. All of these reasons are why I think Jeff is the best TV personality.


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Dan's 5 Favorite/Least Favorite TV Personalities

Here’s my list for the 5 best and the 5 worst television personalities. I feel kind of bad because there aren’t any women in my best list, and two in my worst. I would just like to take this moment to assure you I am not a complete sexist. :)

BEST
5. Summer Share Tony
Tony appeared on the MTV True Life episode “I Have a Summer Share.” Every summer, Tony rents out a summer time share on the Jersey shore. However, this summer is special because he’s looking for the lady who will one day marry him. Like Michael Scott, Tony wanders around his life blissfully unaware of how ridiculous he is. He gets trashed, picks fights, hits on the ladies, but he’ll be happy as long as he can end the night with “Cheese bawls and steak sangwiches.”


Best. Dance. Ever.


Watch the whole episode here!

4. Tim Gunn
The impeccably fashioned Tim Gunn serves as the mentor to the designers on Project Runway. Tim reminds me of my art professors, which is appropriate since he was a professor at Parsons The New School for Design for 25 years. Tim offers his sage—although rarely taken—advice on how to improve design elements. When Tim Gunn looks at your work, you hope he says, “Carry on,” and not, “Make it work!”


Ha, he’s such a square.

3. Gordon Ramsay
Chef Ramsay is the host of several cooking-related shows, all of them amazing. On Hell’s Kitchen, Ramsay gives a group of unqualified chefs the chance to run a restaurant. Hell’s Kitchen is entertaining, but I can’t help but feel bad for the thousands of more qualified people who will never get this opportunity to run a famous restaurant. My favorite Ramsay show is Kitchen Nightmares, great television in both its British and American iterations. On these shows, Ramsay helps sad-sack restaurant owners bring their businesses out of the gutter. I’m constantly amazed at how disgusting the kitchens in these places are. I pray that no restaurant I’ve ever eaten at deserves to be on this show. If there’s one thing that brings Kitchen Nightmares down, it’s the hyperbolic narrator of the American version.


Will this finally be the restaurant that sends Ramsay over the edge?????

2. Conan O’Brien
Conan rose from the relative obscurity of a Simpsons writer to late night host almost overnight. I can’t imagine how weird that must have seemed to both him and the many Simpsons writers who still live in obscurity. Conan livens up network TV’s otherwise dull late night lineups with his Harvard-bred wit and manic energy. His jokes don’t always hit the mark, but his memorable performances during the writer’s strike show that he is a master of comedy when left to his own devices.


Conan is so mean to his associate producer Jordan.

1. Andy Rooney
What is there to say about Andy Rooney that hasn’t already been said in his eighty years of broadcasting? Andy Rooney is willing to give you his two cents on everything from politics to junk mail to rubber bands. Rooney has given us gems like, “Protesters try to make statements with their umbrellas, but umbrellas aren’t good for statement-making.” Anyone who is paid to go on television and say things like that deserves my respect and admiration.


Watch CBS Videos Online

Top 5 Worst after the jump!


WORST
5. Howie Mandel
“Deal or No Deal” is the most inane game show to reach network primetime, and I’m not forgetting the John McEnroe hosted “The Chair.” Howie hams up the set like a hairless Robin Williams, excitedly shouting, “Deal or no deal?” and ogling the case-holding women. You can smell Howie’s desperate desire to be liked in every exchange he has with the contestants and audience.


Yeah, this actually happened.

4. Jerry Springer
I actually hate Springer more for his role on America’s Got Talent than as the host of his awful talk show. Jerry somehow manages to be the worst personality on a show that has David Hasselhoff and Sharon Osbourne (Not to mention previous host Regis Philbin). AGT proves that America’s got sappy sob stories more than it’s got talent. Jerry’s primary role seems to be weeping offstage as performers overcome everything life’s thrown at them and belt out a warbly version of “Unchained Melody.”


Watch Jerry cry at 5:15

3. Flavor Flav
I find it difficult to believe that the women on “Flavor of Love” find this clock-strapped goblin attractive. I find it even harder to believe that this show was popular enough to spawn spinoffs and spinoffs of spinoffs. VH1 has seemingly surpassed MTV as the destroyer of modern culture. All of VH1’s shows exhibit ignorant, hateful people fighting with, and slobbering on each other. And Flavor Flav is to blame.

There don't seem to be any good videos on Youtube, and VH1's website is awful to navigate

2. Oprah
Oprah makes this list because she unleashed Dr. Phil and The Secret onto an unsuspecting world. Dr. Phil crawled out of Oprah’s uterus on a storm drenched Oklahoman night in a torch-lined, pentagram-shaped clearing. Once emerged, Dr. Phil uttered some folksy wisdom and crawled onto the set of his own show. Oprah’s more grievous crime is the Secret. The Secret has traveled a path of destiny similar to the clue that’s passed down the Gates’ family line in the first National Treasure movie. The Secret has passed through histories greatest minds, including Beethoven, Lincoln, Einstein, and Flav. I’m going to go off on a bit of a rant here and save you $29.99 by telling you what the Secret is: Think positively and good stuff will happen. This is obviously ridiculous. When I was a kid I wished day-in and day-out for the Caveman Ninja Turtles that came with dinosaurs, and I never got them.


Caveman Raphael = Awesome

A follower of the Secret might say that I had the tiniest ounce of negativity, damning me to my non-Caveman Ninja Turtle existence. I disagree, I was incredibly positive that I would one day get those toys. Maybe I still will one day, maybe that’s the Secret. Another thing: Why do people assume the “Ancients” were hiding secret knowledge from us? Humanity, VH1 excluded, is smarter than it ever was. Also, if Lincoln used the Secret, why did he get shot in the head?


This is worth watching.

1. Rosie O’Donnell
Rosie rose to stardom with a daytime talk show centered around Tom Cruise and Koosh Balls. After the show ended, O’Donnell got a crazy haircut, came out of the closet, and began shrieking at Donald Trump. She is appearing next in the certain-to-be-unwatchable variety program “Rosie Live!”


Why is that man being so mean to a woman who is clearly mentally handicapped?


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Same Bat Place, Same Bat Time...

I realize this may cause a little bit of chaos with our current system. But I'm going to throw in a twist to this week's topic. I wanted to create a simpler topic that can get done quick, so maybe we can squeeze a Turkey Day related topic in for next week. So, as for this week we will be listing the Top and Bottom 5 Television Personalities. For the purposes of this list a television personality will be defined as someone who portrays themselves on television (aka uses their real name or pen name rather than a character name) for the purposes of their television show. This can include talk show hosts, variety show hosts, game show hosts, weather people, newscasters, etc. Happy list preparing time!
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Josh on....The Top Ten Commercials

After creating this topic, I realized (as it seems Dan and Hula Boy did as well) that it was a bit of a strange topic. So, instead of just ten random commercials, I tried to sprinkle my list with a few great fake commercials, as well as an interesting spin on things.

10. Almost every children's show I watched as a kid
Seriously. Think about it. Shows like Transformers, Voltron, Power Rangers, X-Men were all just giant commercials. They were twenty minutes of advertisements for the toys. And damn did it work. As we have seen previously, I was a huge fan of action figures. Even though they didn't all make my list, the toys from the shows in my childhood resulted in a large amount of my parents' money being spent at toy stores.

9. Log
To this day, I can recite almost this entire song. Unfortunately, I never actually got a Log. But the commercial really made me want one.




8. Kit Kat Bar
I would be willing to wager that no other commercial jingle is so infectious as the Kit Kat jingle. However, instead of breaking off just one of the many commercials utilizing this genius jingle, I decided to embed a compilation.



7. The Gap
This fun commercial is directed by Spike Jonze. I'm not a big fan of the Gap, so I think the biggest appeal for me is going into a Gap store and breaking shit.



6. Gears of War
The original trailer for GoW, while not as epic as the Halo 3 trailer, is still quite cool. As everyone says when they explain this ad, the music and violence are a great contrast that got people pretty pumped up for what has become a blockbuster success.




5. Dog Training
In the mid to late 90s, there was a flood in the vhs market for training tapes. Amongst those was a video on how to train your dog, and I thoroughly enjoyed the commercial, even if I would never buy the video.



4. Halo 3
As Dan has already explained, the first commercial for Halo 3 was the reason we were at first excited for this epic sequel.



3. American Express
A few years ago, American Express got big name celebrities to endorse their card in monologue commercials. One of my favorites was Wes Anderson, director of movies like "The Darjeeling Limited." It is a commercial directed by Anderson of Anderson directing a movie. For completely selling out, he kept it fun and light, which I enjoyed.



2. Pepsi
In the beginning, this was just a regular commercial for Pepsi and the Pepsi points system. But then somebody took it too far. They "believed" the commercial, and saved up the points to buy the Harrier Jet. When Pepsi didn't deliver on the jet, he sued them. Epic.



1. Banned Xbox 360 Ad
This advertisement never aired in America. I'm assuming it was too "violent"? Regardless, I saw it before the 360 came out and got PUMPED for the 360.




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Hula Boy's Top Ten Commercials

This was a difficult list to put together, not in the sense that it was difficult coming up with ten commercials that qualified, but rather because this isn't exactly the type of category I keep tabs on. When we usually pick a topic, I at least have a reserve of choices in my mind, but that wasn't the case for commercials. I think it has to do with the form of media itself. Commercials are something that you may get a brief chuckle out of, but nothing that really sustains. And the ones that do sustain, well they eventually get to the point where they are nail-on-a-chalkboard irritating...I'm looking at you Geico Cavemen.

Much ado without nothing...

10. Monster.com - When I Grow Up
I find this rather simplistic commercial clever...and a little sad. Will we eventually reach a point where people will actually aspire to become yes men and yes women? And who is the person making this ad speaking out against? I mean how eventful can your life be if you are making monster.com commercials?

"When I Grow Up...I want to make ads for monster.com."

9. Coor's Light - Hey Coach
I like the new run of Coor's Light commercials mashing up those silly Coor's Light fellas and NFL Coaches. But it is only a matter of time, before we see too many of them. I spent the first half of the commercial enjoying myself, but wondering what that kid in the background was doing. Then the second half, well it's just stupid. But these are fun anyways...enjoy.

What about mothers of animals?

8. ESPN - The International Commercial
As a kid, I always was baffled by the ESP button on the remote. Did they really film two of every television program, just so that button would have a function? Well thanks to the folks at ESPN, we now know the answer...

What dialect is the second set supposed to be? Don't Alaskans speak English? Or has Sarah Palin dispelled that belief?

7. Budweiser - Wassssupp
These commercials seem horrific and annoying now. But I just remember these commercials transforming high school. No longer would a head nod through the halls be sufficient, no a full wasssuppp was warranted.

True, True

6. Pepsi - Apartment 10G
Michael J. Fox was the shit. And this commercial only solidifies that. This commercial could not be any better, I mean the outfits, the hair, the chicks, the music. Wait, I take that back, this commercial could get better, if Michael J. Fox re-enacted it for the year 2008.

If only this was for Pepsi Clear, it would be number 1 on this list.


5. Budweiser - Frogs
Why is it that beer companies typically have the best commercials? Oh, and this is another one of those commercials that was great for the first couple views, but then it just got plain annoying. All I know is that I had a Bud-Weis-Er Frog t-shirt that I used to wear to school in middle school, how did my parents let me wear that? How did I get away with this? It is reasons like these that I wish we had videotapes of our whole life so we could go back and look at how stupid things we did were.

It's all about the drinkability...of the frogs.

4. Drug PSA - Rachel Leigh Cook
This commercial was great, and I think half of the reason is that Rachel Leigh Cook stars in the commercial. I mean what are the odds that the chick who was in a PSA would eventually go on to movie fame? Seems crazy? But I gotta say this one worked, I'd have to say it is one of the most memorable commercials I have ever seen, even to this day.

What if they mashed this commercial up with one of those aforementioned Coor's Light Commercials?

3. Drug PSA - Pee Wee Herman
As great and memorable as the last PSA is, this one is even better. I did not know about this one, til I did a search for the last one and this popped up instead. But isn't this one ten times as effective. I mean who wouldn't be scared to death that they could turn out like Paul Reubens if they did drugs?

Do crack and you'll wind up in a crack.

2. Who knows who - For who knows what
I'm wholly baffled by this commercial, but find it absolutely hysterical. Is this a safe sex PSA? Is this a commercial for sweeties? What are sweeties? Or is this a commercial for condoms? Isn't the point of a commercial to get a product or point across? Enjoy!

Best part ever - when the kid is on the floor.

1. Apple - 1984
This commercial is simply epic. 'Nuff said.

And I'm a PC.

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Dan's Top Ten Commercials!

I took the initiative and am putting my list up now. This is a pretty haphazard list. I had trouble thinking of some, despite commercials being a medium whose sole purpose is to be memorable.

10. Osh Kosh B’Gosh
When I was a kid, this commercial appeared on every tape that I had recorded off television. We would inevitably fast-forward through this commercial every time we popped on a Christmas or Halloween special.



9. Spike TV
Spike TV has been showing the original Star Wars trilogy nonstop for the last few months. They advertised this with a cute commercial starring a lovable Ewok.



8. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pies
The Ninja Turtles were constantly on television; they appeared in toy commercials, food commercials, cartoons, movies, I even recall having a tape of a stage/music show. One product the Turtles shilled were gross Hostess pies. I remember eating these, but I can’t imagine I enjoyed them.



7. McDonald’s
This is the first appearance of Ronald McDonald, and he is a frightening sight. I don’t know who thought a thinly veiled pedophile would make a good mascot.


6. Pizza Hut
The Pizza Head Show series of commercials were shown constantly during the early to mid nineties. These commercials featured the naïve antics of Pizza Head, and the malicious Steve’s desire to destroy him. This particular commercial has a Star Wars theme!





5. Trix/Milk
See what happens when the poor rabbit finally gets his bowl of Trix! Will he finally discover that all of the colors taste like Lemon Pledge?



4. GM
This commercial shows a robot contemplating suicide. ‘Nuff said.



3. Baby Wee-Wee
This commercial appeared on The Soup and it is absolutely hilarious. Watch as a creepy father inappropriately touches his daughter’s doll, causing its penis to rise and shoot pee.



2. Halo 3
Remember how excited we all were for Halo 3? That was due in part to this badass commercial:



1. Black Herbal Toothpaste
This commercial is wrong on so many levels.




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Josh on...The Ten Most Overrated Movies

I decided for my list, that there weren't really videos necessary. I still think it is a damn good list. I'm thinking there will be a few surprises as well.

10. Fahrenheit 9/11
I was not a fan of President George W. Bush when I walked into this movie. However, when walking out of it, there was someone I hated more than George W. Bush: Michael Moore. After the first third or so of this movie, I got the point. The whole thing was messed up, handled poorly, and it sucked. It was a huge tragedy. I could've watched a movie about that. Instead, this movie became anti-Bush propaganda. It was the rallying point (literally, I got Democratic e-mails saying "Let's go watch Fahrenheit 9/11 together") for the Democratic presidential campaign that year. It sparked a sentiment that I found quite ridiculous. Namely, that anyone would be better than Bush. The movie, as I've seen from Moore's movie about healthcare, is just a tear down. It does not propose any solutions. If this had been a tragic telling of a horrible event, it would have potentially been worth the hype. Instead, it was anti-Bush propaganda that offered no viable solution for anything, and instead just bitched about things.

9. Scarface
The issues with this movie have been belabored on this website and others. Mediocre gangster film that is kind of fun, but overrall riddled with over the top performances. It doesn't even hold a candle to The Godfather or Goodfellas, yet we see t-shirts and posters with Tony Montana's face all over the place. Quite silly in my opinion.

8. Boondock Saints
This movie can frequently be found on college students' "favorite movies" section on the Facebook. In my experience, this also tends to be the action/gangster movie that women celebrate as the "guy movie" that they like. However, despite its frequent praise, this movie is just OK. I don't have any serious criticism of this movie. It is just an OK movie that often gets spoken of as much much better.

7. No Country for Old Men
Best picture? Really? While sitting through this movie I had an OK time. That was it. Huge portions of it were the Coen brothers showing us how artsy and cool they could be. Javier Bardem's character was kind of cool, but only "kind of." I didn't care about the characters while I was watching the movie at all. I felt kind of bad when one of the main characters died, but I was more just pissed off that the Coen brothers didn't feel that it was necessary to show how that happened. This goes exactly to the "art for arts sake" problem with this film. Which, of course, is one of the factors that makes film snobs go down on this movie with a passion.


6. Wizard of Oz
Have you watched this movie recently? Not for me. Obviously, it was innovative for its time. But at some point, the fact that a movie was innovative for its time is no longer enough for it to be heralded as a "great movie." Is it a classic? Definitely. However, having re-watched this movie recently, it felt...worn. Now, maybe that's because the movie is made for children. That's fair. However, I still enjoy most Disney movies, even though they were made for children. I just think that at some point, when a movie can no longer resonate with people, it does not deserve to stand amongst those movies which do.

5. Being John Malkovich
This movie is friggin weird. Seriously. This movie was Kauffman and Malkovich getting drunk and making a crazy movie. Yet people tend to really enjoy it. My thoughts on it? Malkovich, malkovich malkovich malkovich. Malkovich!

4. Anchorman
This movie had a few funny scenes, but that's it. Yet people quote it constantly, and Will Ferrell managed to keep landing leading role movies. He is a great team actor, but I don't think he can handle a lead role. This movie is exemplary of that. He only really does a few things well. He does them all in this movie, but it isn't enough to make this movie more than two hours filled with only a few funny scenes.

3. Sixth Sense
Think about this movie for a second. You immediately think of the ending, of course. This whole movie revolves around the ending. And once that ending occurs, there is a HUGE plot hole that we won't get into here. But once you know the ending, and you've rewatched it to make sure that Bruce Willis doesn't talk to anyone, the movie is no longer enjoyable. It's good the first time because of the awesome twist, but then it loses all re-watch value.

2. High School Musical
As it turns out, tonight's episode of South Park explains how shitty this movie is perfectly. For those that didn't see the episode, I will explain. High School Musical is obviously a musical about high school kids. However, the characters are wholly unbelievable. They are not even closely related to actual people, or the reactions that actual people would have in situations. Further, the music is just OK. Compare this movie to a good musical about high school students. It's called Grease. The characters are believable and even today, one can relate to those characters. Grease proves that a movie with in this genre is possible, but HSM proves that the genre is easy to screw up.

1. Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
Obviously Empire is a pretty damn good movie. But it is often considered the best Star Wars movie, which it is not. Jedi is the best Star Wars movie. So, while this movie is still good, it is overrated nonetheless. It is number one because it gets talked up a lot. And Jedi is much better than Empire.

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Hula Boy's Top Ten Overrated Flicks

This list will more than likely upset several readers (aka the other posters on this site and maybe Emily and Karyn.) But that is the whole point of making these lists. They are supposed to polarize people. Either you fully agree with a list and nod in agreement with each new rank, feeling as if you share a wavelength with the poster. Or with each successive number, you get more and more frustrated, believing the poster to have a inferior functioning brain. You will probably feel I fall in the latter, which is about time with one of these postings...

10. Gladiator
This movie is guilty of being overrated because of the ridiculous hype, word of mouth, and bling it received at award shows. It's a very solid movie, very well acted, beautifully shot, and the story, well there is a story. If anyone feels that the plot of Gladiator is one of its strengths, they obviously have never taken a elementary school history class then. History is full of memorable people who have lived just as interesting lives as the Maximus depicted in this movie, but somehow his character becomes immortalized with this movie that falls short of its competitor, Braveheart.

Every movie needs a little more Chris Tucker.

9. The Silence of the Lambs
Like Gladiator, this isn't a bad movie by any means, just one that is guilty of being overrated because of its huge buildup. It's got your rather typical suicide killer storyline (that is only slightly more interesting than you would see on a weekly CSI or Law and Order), that launched into the outer realms of film hype because of Anthony Hopkins over-portrayal of a character with an unforgettable name (because Hannibal you see rhymes with Cannibal.) If anyone has seen Manhunter, the rarely mentioned precursor to this movie, they would find Brian Cox portraying the character in a better fashion in a better movie.

Look Anthony Hopkins can overact!

8. Into the Wild
This movie is guilty of having way too much Sean Penn involved. I thought America learned its lesson when they started to avoid Sean Penn in the films I Am Sam and All the King's Men. But I guess a few tricks including hiding behind a camera can change all of that. This movie irks me to the core. How does a movie about one of the greatest idiots of all time result in such a well reviewed film? Not only that but the real life protagonist is hailed as a hero and glorified when in reality this should be shown to little kids warning them how stupid of lows men can sink to.

Sean Penn's greatest film achievement.

7. Titanic
This movie is guilty of being an overlong, overwrought, overhyped shipwreck of a movie. While it isn't as bad as its namesake or filmsake, it is a rather unnecessary movie that somehow sparked the interests of everyone to run out to the movie theaters and see it no fewer than 5 times. Why that is the case, I have no idea. A movie with a predictable outcome and merely okay romance story captured the minds and hearts of everyone in America during 1996, simply because it mixed all the key genres. I could just see James Cameron pitching this film...It's a romance movie, a disaster movie, an adventure movie, a historical drama, how could we not hit every demographic. Well they did, but I'd like to think America has wised up since then. Please let this never happen again.

At least this movie resulted in a great song and music video!

6. Any of the Harry Potter movies
These movies are guilty of earning way too much money and way too many sequels, when other much better films cannot earn nearly as much money or any sequels. Each and every Harry Potter movie has made more than all of Guillermo del Toro's movies combined. Is that fair?
5. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
This movie is guilty of tricking people into believing that Jim Carrey can act. Which is false, he sucks, and hasn't been good since Ace Ventura. Maybe I'm alone in this belief, but I just do not understand why so many people think this is such a great film. Somehow this movie winds up on the Top 150 list of IMDB's greatest movies of all time. I find it just a completely average romance movie with a cute little twist that would succeed in a thirty minute Twilight Zone episode, but is way to drawn out in a full length feature.

This movie even has Zooey Deschanel and I won't see it.

4. The Matrix
This movie is guilty of bringing the Wachowski brothers to the forefront. Maybe it is unfair to let the biases of several other duds factor into my decision, but I don't care. This movie resulted in two other Matrix movies, which makes it guilty enough to appear on this list. Plus the movie itself is really not as great as the absurd amount of hype would lead you to believe. It's got a somewhat interesting premise that is derived from a Philosophy 101 lecture, that never is above average due largely to the presence of Keanu Reeves. Keanu Reeves can only be viewed for prolonged periods of time in movies that can be unintentionally funny, which this movie is not.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

This guy plays Keanu Reeves better than Keanu Reeves.

3. Children of Men
This movie is guilty of causing people to confuse dreary with good. Too many people have watched this movie feeling sad afterward (because it is bleak and dreary as hell) and come out thinking it was good for that very reason. I just do not understand why so many people enjoy this butchering of a great novel onto the screen. It has mangled an interesting futuristic science fiction plot, that compares with some of the greats, including one of my favorites 1984, into a boring and dull movie. I can appreciate a dystopian movie as much as the next guy, but this movie brings nothing special to the table. Most upsetting is the complete lack of character development and lack of interest in any character. Was anybody truly rooting for any of the characters in this movie? Because I certainly could not care less about any of them.

2. Spirited Away
This movie is guilty of sucking...majorly. I could not even bring myself to stay awake through this movie...twice. Yet, somehow I once had someone try and convince me that it was the greatest film of all time. What? Really? There is absolutely nothing special about this movie. Stay away. Far away.

1. Star Wars
This movie is guilty of causing the largest mass hysteria ever for a movie that is merely good. I watched the first (in release not in order) of the series and felt vastly underwhelmed and in no way compelled to continue following the force. Maybe the movie hasn't aged well and watching it thirty years after its release has tainted my view. But either way this movie is number one on my list, and deservedly so. Let the heckling begin.

The best part about Star Wars is this scene.

P.S. I stole Dan's list formatting because I liked it.


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Dan's Top Ten Overrated Movies

10. Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn
Evil Dead certainly has its cult following, and I will freely admit that I kind of like Ash’s third appearance: Army of Darkness. I just don’t think Evil Dead 2 is as funny or scary as it thinks it is. Bruce Campbell gives it his all, but the slapstick and monster attacks quickly become tedious.


I think I missed the joke.

9. Minority Report
I generally tend to like Steven Spielberg films, I don’t particularly hate Tom Cruise performances, and this movie is based on a story by Philip K. Dick, one of my favorite authors; yet, their combined powers are incredibly underwhelming. The movie has great design (the computer interface, the sonic guns, the cars, the spider-bots), but it is let down by some terrible choices (Cruise’s “disguise,” the product placement, the need to remove moral ambiguity from the protagonist’s actions, the ridiculous complications added to the original short story). Spielberg’s vision of the future is cool, but his choice of screenplay is not.


Welcome to the Gap!

8. Ringu
I was told that Ringu was much better than the American remake titled The Ring. Being the practical man that I am, I decided to forgo the remake and check out the original instead. Boy, was I disappointed. For those not aware, a mysterious video kills anyone who views it. However, the twist is that this movie is about as scary as a phishing scam.


Yes, Ringu, I’m afraid of 1960’s film school projects too.

7. Moulin Rouge!
Moulin Rouge! is a musical for the attention deficient MTV generation. Songs stick around long enough for the viewer to recognize them, and then shift to another equally shrill interpretation of a classic song. The movie propels itself forward at an unbearably manic pace; shots change continuously, characters run around, there’s lots of shouting. This mess left me out of breath and hoping it would all be over soon.


It's set in the past, but they're singing Nirvana!

6. Beowulf
Beowulf is essentially a videogame disguised as a movie. The story is divided into several boss battles, one of which Beowulf fights while completely naked. PRO TIP: The dragon’s weakness is the glowing emblem on his chest!


Would you like to buy a strategy guide with your copy of Beowulf?


5. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
This film tells the harrowing tale of a nice young man browbeaten by his fiancée’s family until he caves in to their every desire. There’s a lot of shrieking (common among films about wedding preparation), along with a bunch of wacky people who don’t understand American customs.


How can this insolent girl want to have life of her own?

4. The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Rocky Horror Picture Show reenactors are the bottom rung of the entertainment industry, definitely lower than mimes. Every song, character, and scene in this movie grates on my nerves.


Not. For. Me.

3. Scarface
This movie became overrated the minute Tony Montana’s face was plastered on a T-shirt roughly the length of a kitchen table. Tony snorts and shoots his way through innumerable amounts of coke and adversaries before his downfall. I don’t think this movie is much more than a mediocre gangster film centered around a memorable (over-the-top) performance by Al Pacino. Pacino’s Montana is a drug-fueled maniac; however, he is a self-made man, so the perfect role model for today’s youth.


This clip pretty much speaks for itself.


2. Crash
This Academy Award winner for best picture is the laughably overwrought tale of Los Angelinos who can’t speak for five minutes without exhibiting their racism. Writer-director Paul Haggis is probably trying to show everyone that they have a little racism inside them, but every character comes off as a ridiculously unrelatable cartoon character. Ludacris (who acts well in this) walks around calling people “chinamen,” proceeds to run over one of these “chinamen,” and then finds out said “chinamen” is running a slavery ring. Sandra Bullock yells racist comments at her maid, falls on her ass, and then is nice to her maid. Ryan Philippe’s character isn’t racist, until he is racist and shoots a black man. I think you get the point: this movie is fucking terrible.


This movie is fucking terrible.

1. Shrek
Probably the most insidious film on this list because it inspired years of cheap, shallow, computer animated cartoons. Critics praised Shrek for its sly humor that adults could get and its twisted take on the traditional Disney fairy tale. Of course they generally fail to mention that this humor consists of exploding birds, poop jokes, and references to boy bands (I must admit, the first film is much better than the small amounts of the sequels I have seen). I don’t know about you, but I find the humor in most Disney and Pixar films to be more mature and enjoyable than anything seen in Shrek. It pains me to think that people get confused and attribute all computer-animated films to Pixar. Ugh.


It's still probably better than The Love Guru.



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