Top 10 x 4

Josh on....the Best and Worst Vacation Spots

2008-12-14T07:31:00.002-05:00

The Worst

5. Tattoine
One of the things I hate the most is the sun. Another constant bother in my life is sand. That stuff gets everywhere and takes weeks to clean off thoroughly. So essentially, for me, one of the least enjoyable climates would be the dessert. Tattoine? Yeah. It's a whole god damn planet of dessert. For me, Tattoine would be the vacation from hell.

4. Pittsburgh
OK, I obviously live in Pittsburgh. As somewhere to live, it's perfectly fine. But as a vacation spot? Not for me. There are a few quaint and interesting places to go and see, but the majority of those locations will garner a "meh" reaction, or in the case of Primanti Brothers, a stomach-ache. While Pittsburgh is consistently rated one of the best places to live, there is a recent you don't see it on many "best places to spend a weekend" lists. It's just too boring to go on vacation here.

3. The Future
Destruction by a giant meteor crashing into Earth. Everyone walking around in silver jump suits. Machines enslaving humans in concentration camps. Monkeys somehow evolving beyond humans and getting the upper hand, making humans their slaves. If movies and television are to be believed, these are just some of the potential horrors that await you in the future. So before you jump in your Delorean and gun it to 88, remember that depending on when you end up, the future could be the shittiest vacation ever.

2. Gotham
This fictional city in the DC universe is rife with crime. Furthermore, it is consistently, dark and dingy and filled with psychopaths. The insane asylum, which is in Gotham, is possibly the worst ever built. People constantly escape from it and cause all sorts of trouble. With Gotham's most feared and respected protector, Batman, missing, now would be a horrible time to visit Gotham. Who knows if you would make it out?

1. Small Town USA
I don't watch many horror movies. However, almost all of the horror movies I've seen take place in the same location: small town USA. Again, relying on the wisdom of movies and television, there is a strong possibility of any number of horrors awaiting us on our weekend retreat to a bed and breakfast. First of all, the bed and breakfast could be old-school haunted. Or maybe an ancient coming of age ritual for two murderous alien species could take place right in that small town, before it gets nuked. You could be cut to little pieces by beaks. The doctor in town could turn out to be some douche bag from Hollywood just there because the girl he is sleeping with won't leave. Or, you could get stuck in a time loop for years, with no idea how to escape.

Check out the Best vacation spots after the jump!

The Best

5. Childhood Home
That's right, your childhood home. If you don't live at home anymore, a short visit in the form of a vacation can be just what one needs. Great mom home-cooking combined with seeing family and friends can be a nice break from the rat race. Of course, if it's too long of a visit, you'll need a vacation from your vacation.

4.Disney World
In my younger days I visited Disney World on two separate occasions. The most recent visit was during high school. As long as you're a kid at heart, there is plenty of fun to be had!

3. London
During college I spent a semester living in Her Majesty's capital. While it is quite tricky to live there on a fixed budget with no income, I gathered that a four-seven day vacation would be amazing. The city and the surrounding towns are lovely and filled with fun and interesting places to visit.

2. Washington, DC
I've been to America's capitol several times this semester. There is only one word to describe it: epic. Walking amongst all those historic buildings only makes me think about the great leaders past, present and yet to come who have changed this world for the better. Plus, there are some really cool museums. Definitely a great place for a weekend get-away.

1. Space
That's right, the final frontier. While vacationing in space you can float around and have a jolly old time. Plus, with the right equipment you can go on all sorts of fun adventures. Definitely a good time.

Dan's 5 Favorite/Least Favorite Vacation Spots

2008-12-08T01:15:00.007-05:00

Similar to Brett, I have not traveled to very many places. So, I have peppered my list with a number of fictional hot (and not) spots.

Worst

5. Rekall
Rekall gives you the vacation of a lifetime by implanting false memories into your mind. This is fine in theory, unless you have already erased the memories of being an underling to an evil Martian slumlord. Then you might run into troubs.
Travel Tip: Buy a sturdy space suit.

4. Cemetery
My parents became obsessed with genealogy one summer; for some reason this meant we had to go to various cemeteries and find the long-lost gravestones of distant relatives.
Travel Tip: Avoid these guys:

3. Hoth
Hoth is one of the most inhospitable planets in the Star Wars universe. Leaving your base is likely to result in a Wampa attack or freezing to death.
Travel Tip: The only way to survive Hoth's cold nights are in the belly of a Tauntaun.

2. Mordor
Mordor could possibly be the most evil place in any fictional realm. This pockmarked land is filled with horrifying creatures, violent volcanoes, and an all-seeing eye.
Travel Tip: Find a handy guide at www.gollumtours.com

1. Parmistan
Parmistan was the insane country featured in the movie Gymkata. Parmistan forces foreign visitors to participate in the Game, a grueling endurance race in which Parmistan soldiers chase them. The Game culminates in a town where insane people roam around and stab each other with pitchforks. Visitors are granted one wish if they survive. I’d say it’s worth it.
Travel Tip: Steer clear of Parmistan.

Luckily, crazy town has a pommel horse in its town square!

Best

5. Seahaven
Visit the set of the most famous reality show in history. The idyllic town made famous in The Truman Show sits inside a gigantic dome in California. You can choose the current time and weather, and purchase the town’s many sponsored consumer products. Why, you may even find yourself on television!
Travel Tip: Christof is still mad about the whole Truman leaving thing, so don’t mention it to him.

4. Gotham City
Many people would probably put this on their worst vacation spot list, not me. Sure, you might be killed, but you also have a good chance of becoming a superhero or villain during your stay. Gotham probably has the highest hero/villain per person ratio of any comic book city: Batman, Nightwing, Batgirl, Azrael, Huntress, the Question, Batwoman, about six Robins, and those are just the good guys.
Travel Tip: Buy your cape and cowl before traveling to Gotham City

3. Toontown
I’m a big fan of cartoons, especially the old Merry Melodies and Silly Symphonies. Traveling to Toontown would certainly be an interesting experience. However, it is probably best to keep the visit short since I’m not sure how long anyone could put up with all the zaniness, not to mention the falling safes, for an extended period of time.
Travel Tip: Don’t touch the Goofy.

2. Space
Space is pretty fucking sweet.
Travel Tip: In space, no one can hear you scream, so make sure people know where you are at all times.

In case you didn't know what it looked like

1. 25 miles from the Century III Mall
Karyn and I once took a trip to Fallingwater and stayed at a place that ended up being only 25 miles from the beloved Century III Mall. It was quite the getaway.
Travel Tip: Avoid Hoss’ Steakhouse.

Hula Boy's Best/Worst Vacation Spots

2008-12-07T22:33:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure I really get this category, maybe there is an excitement that I'm unaware of, but here is my stab at it. I've only been on three different vacations in my life, and two were really not exciting enough to warrant a spot on this list, so I did some guessing to put this together...

Best Five Vacation Spots
5. New York City
New York City is the only American city better than the one I currently live in. So, if I was to travel to a city, there would be no place more happening than here. I'd choose this spot in the winter time, as I feel like the city takes on a unique quality during the winter.

4. Hollywood
I've never been to Hollywood, but I envision it as quite the hangout spot. This is solely based on my knowledge of the city through Entourage however. Who wouldn't want to take a tour of the homes of famous people though. There is something exciting about semi-stalking celebrities.

3. Sin City, Nevada
Las Vegas is another city that I haven't visited, but I bet would be pretty cool based on the different movies and television shows I have seen in the area. I mean the original CSI gives it such a great reputation, who wouldn't want to visit?

2. Disney World
Has any kid not enjoyed their requisite trip to Disney World/Disney Land? I feel like this is a mandatory experience growing up, and one that every child should experience.

1. Wall, England
Stardust is an awesome movie. While Ipswitch seems like a boring, typical town, Wall exhibits an excitement beyond this world. As great as Disney World is, Wall is better. It's like the Disney World for adults.

Five Worst Vacation Spots

5. The Midwest
I went to St. Louis once. I heard it is one of the more exciting places to be in the Midwest. It sucked. I would never recommend anyone visit anywhere else in the Midwest. I feel like the United States should attempt to sell the Midwest (minus Chicago) to some other country (maybe Canada). How much do you think we could make?

4. Canada
As bad as the Midwest sucks, I envision Canada being even worse. Everyone there has a round head that opens right down the middle. Plus they speak really funny. And we blame them a lot, despite the fact they are really just the United States lite.

3. Antarctica
I have no interest in going somewhere where there is very little human life and it is constantly below freezing. I'll get my share of Polar Bears at the local zoo.

2. A Third World Country
I have no interest in going to a third world country in my spare time.

1. Hell
I've heard it sucks.

This Week

2008-12-07T09:49:00.001-05:00

This week's topic is the 5 Best/5 Worst places to take a vacation. Real or fictional of course.

Hula Boy's Updated Top Ten Pets

2008-12-06T16:39:00.003-05:00

10. Hooch - Turner and Hooch

If he is good enough to be Tom Hanks' partner and best friend, he is assuredly good enough to be my partner and best friend.

9. Digby - Pushing Daisies

Who else wouldn't want a dead dog from this great, but untimely canceled television show.

8. Hercules - Sandlot

If anyone has seen Sandlot (which is hopefully everyone), then they know the mythology and badassery that surrounds this dog.

7. Mr. Bigglesworth - Austin Powers

To possess Mr. Bigglesworth, is to possess power. Plus, Sphinx hairless cats are just plain cool.

6. Scooby Doo - Scooby Dooby Doo

Top three reasons to have Scooby Doo as a pet: he solves crimes, he talks, he goes ruh-roa.

5. Bugs Bunny - Tiny Toons

My favorite cartoon character hands down.

4. Garfield - Garfield and Friends

Garfield is wickedly funny. On the downside, he would eat me out of house and home.

3. Howard the Duck - Howard the Duck

Has anyone seen Howard the Duck the movie? Lea Thompson falls in love with him. I mean, who wouldn't want a pet who gets chicks like that.

2. ALF - ALF

ALF would definitely be a better pet than E.T.

1. The Cat in the Hat - The Cat in the Hat

Does anyone remember the fun that The Cat in the Hat had? (Note this is not the Mike Myers Cat in the Hat)

Josh on...The Top 10 Fictional Pets

2008-12-04T10:49:00.005-05:00

10. The Sliph - Sword in Truth Series
I'm going hardcore nerd here. The Sliph is a creature in Terry Goodkind's "Sword of Truth" series that pops up in the last few books. The premise is the sliph allows people to travel in it pretty much instantly to almost anywhere. The other plus side? Your trip inside the sliph does not feel instantaneous, it takes some time. And the entire trip is supposedly euphoric. Could be a fun way to get around.

9. Gold Bug - Ender in Exile
In Orson Scott Card's newest novel, "Ender in Exile" the colonists on some of the original bugger worlds discover large gold bugs. Essentially, these are worms that eat rocks and shit out gold. Pretty straightforward, and an easy way to make some cash!

8. Donkey - Shrek
Sure, he's a donkey, and sure he smells. But he is also pretty witty and voiced by Eddie Murphy. All in all a lovable sidekick for any would-be adventurer.

7. Snarf - Fable 2
In Fable 2, my character had a dog named Snarf. While Donkey would be a good companion, the loyal Snarf is much better. He not only attacks enemies, but is pretty much invincible. Also, while out exploring, whether that be fields or caves, Snarf was always able to help find buried treasure. Talk about a great dog!

6. Rancor - Star Wars
This is pretty obvious. If you had a rancor as a pet, you'd be pretty bad ass. While not as cool as some of the other things lower on the list, a rancor would definitely be able to mess up your enemies. That is, unless your enemy is a jedi.

5. Lassie - Lassie
I mean, does this really need an explanation? I fall down a lot of wells. It's critical to have a dog that can go get help.

4. Cameron - Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Dan pointed out that this category includes "made-up creatures." In his list, he put the terminator from the original two movies, asserting that it was a made-up creature. After all, who are we to define what is alive? To that end, obviously Cameron (unknown model) is much cooler than the Series 800 Model 101 portrayed by the Governor of California. First of all, she blends in much better. In a super-strong and nearly invincible body guard, sometimes that's what you want. Further, she is a better model. Presumably (and based on recent episodes) this means she could kick a S800 M101's ass. Meaning if Dan and I ran into each other, my protector would beat his. Also, she is better eye candy.

3. Epona - Zelda
Dan has already discussed how awesome Epona is. She is always there when you need her, and travels fast. I put her so high on the list because I think travelling by horse is pretty cool. Maybe it's just my long upbringing involving adventures taking place in some sort of medieval time situation.

2. Krypto - Superboy
Dogs are obviously man's best friend. But what if you're more than a regular man? Then of course you need more than the regular dog. That's why I would definitely want Krypto as a pet. He is of course a dog who has similar powers to Superman. Krypto would make an excellent guard dog, and can fly! The perfect combination in any pet.

1. Falcor - The Never Ending Story
It may seem to some like Falcor is a little redundant on this list. Sure, he can fly and shoot fire. But how does that make him better than Krypto or an always-loyal machine? One word: luck. In addition to regular dragon skills, Falcor is EXTREMELY lucky. Take a final while sitting on Falcor? A. Take someone on a date and use Falcor as your transportation? You're getting invited up afterwards. Who couldn't use a little extra luck?

DELETE THIS TEXT WITH THE SECOND HALF OF YOUR POST

Dan's Top Ten Fictional Pets

2008-12-02T03:32:00.003-05:00

10. Amy-Congo
Amy can use sign language, which is fun. She can also wield a laser gun in the fight against evil white gorillas…or something. I forget how that movie ended, but I do know there were diamonds and lava!

9. Wilbur-Charlotte’s Web
I read Charlotte’s Web so much when I was a kid that the binding began to fall apart. Wilbur sure is “some pig.”

8. Snoopy-Peanuts
Snoopy manages to be sassy without ever saying anything.

Bleah!

7. T-101 (T-800)-Terminator 2: Judgment Day
I could never remember if Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character is called a T-101 or T-800, and the Wikipedia entry did nothing to resolve this. In T2, the T-101 is essentially a guard dog for John Connor. Viewed as such, it’s the most badass guard dog ever.

6. Chip N’ Dale
In classic cartoons, these lovable scamps were the bane of Donald Duck’s existence. Donald is kind of an ass, so it was nice to see him put in his place. Chip and Dale have received modern makeovers (Chip donned a dapper hat, and Dale put on a goofy Hawaiian shirt.) The duo also began to fight crime and starred in an awesome NES video game.

Such a good cartoon!

5. Epona-The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Epona is Link’s faithful steed in several Zelda games. Wherever you are, Epona is just a 6-note tune on an ocarina away. This is incredibly useful when you are in a jam or need to travel across Hyrule Field in a hurry.

4. Wishbone
I like books, and so does Wishbone! A pet that can make classic literature relevant to modern life is a great teaching aid.

3. Remy-Ratatouille
What’s better than having a pet who can cook for you?

2. Ewok-Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
I caught bits and pieces of RotJ this weekend on television, and it reminded me of how adorable ewoks are. As long as you are nice to them, they won’t fire a rock into your head with a slingshot.

1. Willy-Free Willy
This was one of my favorite movies when I was a kid. Who doesn’t want a pet that could destroy most other animals, yet is still kind to a troubled youth?

Next Topic

2008-11-25T20:17:00.004-05:00

Our next topic will be "Top Ten Fictional Animals I Would Like to Have as Pets." These can be cartoon animals, book animals, movie animals, videogame animals, all sorts of animals! This list can include made-up creatures (such as a dewback or rancor) and real animals (like Mickey Mouse or Lassie).

Hula Boy's Best and Worst Five Television Personalities

2008-11-24T20:25:00.004-05:00

WORST Television Personalities

I'm not gonna lie, I used some of these spots to simply showcase YouTube videos that I wanted to put up.

5. Rosie O'Donnell
Who's excited for Rosie Live!! I can't wait!

4. Pat Sajak
There are few people as boring as Pat Sajak. And who aspires to be a game show host? You know what, I really like watching people try and guess letters, I should try and host that show. And how do these shows last for so long. Wheel of Fortune has got to be the most boring show ever (the perfect complement to Pat Sajak), yet the show has been on longer than I've been alive. How is this fair when shows like Pushing Daisies get canceled after one and a half years.

3. Emmitt Smith
Emmitt Smith has a very poor command of English grammar and a very limited vocabulary, while barely being able to speak English. Who thought that he would make a great television analyst? This clip is hilarious...

2. Keith Olbermann
is an @sshole.

1. Carson Daly
I'm not sure anyone was born with less talent than Carson Daly. Yet somehow his charisma sparked the phenomenon that was Total Request Live. This eventually led to him getting his own late night talk show, that continually gets pushed back later and later into the night. Before you know it Carson Daly will be on at 4 am, where it rightfully belongs.

Close calls: Mark Walberg, Tom Berenger, Oprah Winfrey, Jeff Probst, the guy that hosts The Amazing Race, Al Roker, Martha Stewart

BEST Five Television Personalities

5. Mister Rogers
Mister Rogers made my childhood. He is the reason that I decided to spend my time in Pittsburgh. He is the reason that I can tie my shoe. When growing up we had a next door neighbor named Mr. Rogers. Up until the age of eight, I thought that he was Mister Rogers. Much to my dismay when I finally saw his face (think Home Improvement) I was completely blown to find out that it was not the real Mister Rogers.

4. John Madden
John Madden belongs in the Unintentional Comedy's Hall of Fame. The following video is great, I'm not sure what is better, his discussion on The Incredible Hulk or Super Mario.

3. Sarah Silverman
I like Sarah Silverman. I like Jimmy Kimmel. I feel that Jimmy Kimmel gets a bad rap, and while he doesn't belong on this list, I felt like this was an appropriate place to defend his comedic abilities.

2. Gordon Ramsey
I'm currently addicted to Gordon Ramsey. He has the best two reality shows on television, Hell's Kitchen and Kitchen Nightmares, both of which solely work because of his presence. I don't think any other individual could carry two television programs.

1. Alex Trebek
How could it not, the man is brilliant, he knows all. I mean how many questions has he read over the past 42 years? One of the coolest moments was when I got to sit in the studio of a Jeopardy program. I got to fully witness the genius that is Trebek.

Close calls: Donald Trump's hair, Howie Mandel's hair, Bob Ross, Conan O'Brien, Mo Racca, Elizabeth Hasselbeck

Josh on...The Best/Worst TV Personalities

2008-11-23T21:51:00.003-05:00

This week we looked at the five worst and the five best television personalities.

Worst
5. Jerry Springer
While Dan hates Jerry for his role elsewhere, I hate him for displaying to the world the worst America has to offer. Not only that, I hate him for actually staying on the air so long, while great television shows drop like flies.

4. Judge Judy
As Jerry Springer shows the world the worst of American culture, Judge Judy shows the world the worst of the American judicial system. While the cases are real, they are also really god damn annoying. I also blame Judy for the plethora of other court shows that have begun to crop up. While she wasn't the first television courtroom persona, I believe she was the most infectious and has had the best ratings, thus allowing the other shows to exist. The only half-way decent show of this format was "Judge Reinhold" but it was canceled almost immediately.

3. Sarah Palin
I'm just going to cut this off right now. There has been some speculation about Sarah Palin's future career being a talk show host. So I put her on the list just in case that does happen. In such an event I am predicting that it will not be good. So, to avoid having to come back and change the list, she makes it at number three.

2. John Edward
Luckily, this tool no longer seems to be on the air. Why, you may ask? As South Park put it, he was the biggest douche in the world. I'll give him some credit though, as he was able to milk his "talent" for quite some time. But eventually, people realized what was going on.

1. Simon Cowell
Like Judy or Springer, Cowell doesn't get blamed in my book for just American Idol. No, if that wasn't bad enough, I also credit him with the success of any future horrible shows where three judges sit there and bitch to people on national television about some talent or skill that the person has worked at for a great amount of time, only to come on television and be ridiculed about. That includes shows like "Dancing with the Stars" not to mention the horrible horrible subsequent seasons of "American Idol" and its immediately related progeny. For these horrible sins against television driven by plot or character, I condemn Simon Cowell to his rightful place as the worst television personality.

The Best Television Personalities are after the break!

Best

5. Jonathan Karsh
You may have forgotten all about Jonathan Karsh, but I can't. He was a huge part of why I loved Kid Nation so much. He was able to handle the complete ridiculousness of his job on the show with a straight face. In the end, his performance was worth its weight in gold...literally.

4. CNN Political Team
I considered limiting this to just one member of the Best Political Team on television. But this personality works best as one entire team. From Wolf Blitzer to John Carville, everyone brings something different and plays their part on this team. But, no matter what else I say, there are two words that send CNN's Political Team into the top 5. Holograms Bitches.

3. Jerry Seinfeld
I wasn't positive if Jerry qualified as a tv personality. He plays himself on a show, but the "self" he plays could also be described as a character. Nonetheless, I put him squarely in the category and near the top. His observations and comedy in the show and in the stand-up bits before-hand gave us 9 seasons of hilarity.

2. Mr. Rogers
Does this really need an explanation? He taught life lessons to an entire generation of Americans. May he rest in peace.

1. Jeff Cannatta
Anyone that knows me knows I'm a huge fan of The Totally Rad Show. It's a weekly web-tv show that reviews movies, video games, comics and television. I could have picked any of the three hosts for this top spot, but I chose Jeff. He always brings an interesting spin to the conversations. He pushes the conversations and takes them in deeper directions. Also, the TRS represents the future of televiison: the internet. Niche programming that can be perfectly tailored to its target audience. All of these reasons are why I think Jeff is the best TV personality.

Dan's 5 Favorite/Least Favorite TV Personalities

2008-11-22T00:34:00.012-05:00

Here’s my list for the 5 best and the 5 worst television personalities. I feel kind of bad because there aren’t any women in my best list, and two in my worst. I would just like to take this moment to assure you I am not a complete sexist. :)

BEST
5. Summer Share Tony
Tony appeared on the MTV True Life episode “I Have a Summer Share.” Every summer, Tony rents out a summer time share on the Jersey shore. However, this summer is special because he’s looking for the lady who will one day marry him. Like Michael Scott, Tony wanders around his life blissfully unaware of how ridiculous he is. He gets trashed, picks fights, hits on the ladies, but he’ll be happy as long as he can end the night with “Cheese bawls and steak sangwiches.”

Best. Dance. Ever.

Watch the whole episode here!

4. Tim Gunn
The impeccably fashioned Tim Gunn serves as the mentor to the designers on Project Runway. Tim reminds me of my art professors, which is appropriate since he was a professor at Parsons The New School for Design for 25 years. Tim offers his sage—although rarely taken—advice on how to improve design elements. When Tim Gunn looks at your work, you hope he says, “Carry on,” and not, “Make it work!”

Ha, he’s such a square.

3. Gordon Ramsay
Chef Ramsay is the host of several cooking-related shows, all of them amazing. On Hell’s Kitchen, Ramsay gives a group of unqualified chefs the chance to run a restaurant. Hell’s Kitchen is entertaining, but I can’t help but feel bad for the thousands of more qualified people who will never get this opportunity to run a famous restaurant. My favorite Ramsay show is Kitchen Nightmares, great television in both its British and American iterations. On these shows, Ramsay helps sad-sack restaurant owners bring their businesses out of the gutter. I’m constantly amazed at how disgusting the kitchens in these places are. I pray that no restaurant I’ve ever eaten at deserves to be on this show. If there’s one thing that brings Kitchen Nightmares down, it’s the hyperbolic narrator of the American version.

Will this finally be the restaurant that sends Ramsay over the edge?????

2. Conan O’Brien
Conan rose from the relative obscurity of a Simpsons writer to late night host almost overnight. I can’t imagine how weird that must have seemed to both him and the many Simpsons writers who still live in obscurity. Conan livens up network TV’s otherwise dull late night lineups with his Harvard-bred wit and manic energy. His jokes don’t always hit the mark, but his memorable performances during the writer’s strike show that he is a master of comedy when left to his own devices.

Conan is so mean to his associate producer Jordan.

1. Andy Rooney
What is there to say about Andy Rooney that hasn’t already been said in his eighty years of broadcasting? Andy Rooney is willing to give you his two cents on everything from politics to junk mail to rubber bands. Rooney has given us gems like, “Protesters try to make statements with their umbrellas, but umbrellas aren’t good for statement-making.” Anyone who is paid to go on television and say things like that deserves my respect and admiration.

Watch CBS Videos Online

Top 5 Worst after the jump!

WORST
5. Howie Mandel
“Deal or No Deal” is the most inane game show to reach network primetime, and I’m not forgetting the John McEnroe hosted “The Chair.” Howie hams up the set like a hairless Robin Williams, excitedly shouting, “Deal or no deal?” and ogling the case-holding women. You can smell Howie’s desperate desire to be liked in every exchange he has with the contestants and audience.

Yeah, this actually happened.

4. Jerry Springer
I actually hate Springer more for his role on America’s Got Talent than as the host of his awful talk show. Jerry somehow manages to be the worst personality on a show that has David Hasselhoff and Sharon Osbourne (Not to mention previous host Regis Philbin). AGT proves that America’s got sappy sob stories more than it’s got talent. Jerry’s primary role seems to be weeping offstage as performers overcome everything life’s thrown at them and belt out a warbly version of “Unchained Melody.”

Watch Jerry cry at 5:15

3. Flavor Flav
I find it difficult to believe that the women on “Flavor of Love” find this clock-strapped goblin attractive. I find it even harder to believe that this show was popular enough to spawn spinoffs and spinoffs of spinoffs. VH1 has seemingly surpassed MTV as the destroyer of modern culture. All of VH1’s shows exhibit ignorant, hateful people fighting with, and slobbering on each other. And Flavor Flav is to blame.

There don't seem to be any good videos on Youtube, and VH1's website is awful to navigate

2. Oprah
Oprah makes this list because she unleashed Dr. Phil and The Secret onto an unsuspecting world. Dr. Phil crawled out of Oprah’s uterus on a storm drenched Oklahoman night in a torch-lined, pentagram-shaped clearing. Once emerged, Dr. Phil uttered some folksy wisdom and crawled onto the set of his own show. Oprah’s more grievous crime is the Secret. The Secret has traveled a path of destiny similar to the clue that’s passed down the Gates’ family line in the first National Treasure movie. The Secret has passed through histories greatest minds, including Beethoven, Lincoln, Einstein, and Flav. I’m going to go off on a bit of a rant here and save you $29.99 by telling you what the Secret is: Think positively and good stuff will happen. This is obviously ridiculous. When I was a kid I wished day-in and day-out for the Caveman Ninja Turtles that came with dinosaurs, and I never got them.

Caveman Raphael = Awesome

A follower of the Secret might say that I had the tiniest ounce of negativity, damning me to my non-Caveman Ninja Turtle existence. I disagree, I was incredibly positive that I would one day get those toys. Maybe I still will one day, maybe that’s the Secret. Another thing: Why do people assume the “Ancients” were hiding secret knowledge from us? Humanity, VH1 excluded, is smarter than it ever was. Also, if Lincoln used the Secret, why did he get shot in the head?

This is worth watching.

1. Rosie O’Donnell
Rosie rose to stardom with a daytime talk show centered around Tom Cruise and Koosh Balls. After the show ended, O’Donnell got a crazy haircut, came out of the closet, and began shrieking at Donald Trump. She is appearing next in the certain-to-be-unwatchable variety program “Rosie Live!”

Why is that man being so mean to a woman who is clearly mentally handicapped?

Same Bat Place, Same Bat Time...

2008-11-21T16:33:00.003-05:00

I realize this may cause a little bit of chaos with our current system. But I'm going to throw in a twist to this week's topic. I wanted to create a simpler topic that can get done quick, so maybe we can squeeze a Turkey Day related topic in for next week. So, as for this week we will be listing the Top and Bottom 5 Television Personalities. For the purposes of this list a television personality will be defined as someone who portrays themselves on television (aka uses their real name or pen name rather than a character name) for the purposes of their television show. This can include talk show hosts, variety show hosts, game show hosts, weather people, newscasters, etc. Happy list preparing time!

Josh on....The Top Ten Commercials

2008-11-20T15:24:00.003-05:00

After creating this topic, I realized (as it seems Dan and Hula Boy did as well) that it was a bit of a strange topic. So, instead of just ten random commercials, I tried to sprinkle my list with a few great fake commercials, as well as an interesting spin on things.

10. Almost every children's show I watched as a kid
Seriously. Think about it. Shows like Transformers, Voltron, Power Rangers, X-Men were all just giant commercials. They were twenty minutes of advertisements for the toys. And damn did it work. As we have seen previously, I was a huge fan of action figures. Even though they didn't all make my list, the toys from the shows in my childhood resulted in a large amount of my parents' money being spent at toy stores.

9. Log
To this day, I can recite almost this entire song. Unfortunately, I never actually got a Log. But the commercial really made me want one.

8. Kit Kat Bar
I would be willing to wager that no other commercial jingle is so infectious as the Kit Kat jingle. However, instead of breaking off just one of the many commercials utilizing this genius jingle, I decided to embed a compilation.

7. The Gap
This fun commercial is directed by Spike Jonze. I'm not a big fan of the Gap, so I think the biggest appeal for me is going into a Gap store and breaking shit.

6. Gears of War
The original trailer for GoW, while not as epic as the Halo 3 trailer, is still quite cool. As everyone says when they explain this ad, the music and violence are a great contrast that got people pretty pumped up for what has become a blockbuster success.

5. Dog Training
In the mid to late 90s, there was a flood in the vhs market for training tapes. Amongst those was a video on how to train your dog, and I thoroughly enjoyed the commercial, even if I would never buy the video.

4. Halo 3
As Dan has already explained, the first commercial for Halo 3 was the reason we were at first excited for this epic sequel.

3. American Express
A few years ago, American Express got big name celebrities to endorse their card in monologue commercials. One of my favorites was Wes Anderson, director of movies like "The Darjeeling Limited." It is a commercial directed by Anderson of Anderson directing a movie. For completely selling out, he kept it fun and light, which I enjoyed.

2. Pepsi
In the beginning, this was just a regular commercial for Pepsi and the Pepsi points system. But then somebody took it too far. They "believed" the commercial, and saved up the points to buy the Harrier Jet. When Pepsi didn't deliver on the jet, he sued them. Epic.

1. Banned Xbox 360 Ad
This advertisement never aired in America. I'm assuming it was too "violent"? Regardless, I saw it before the 360 came out and got PUMPED for the 360.

Hula Boy's Top Ten Commercials

2008-11-20T00:27:00.003-05:00

This was a difficult list to put together, not in the sense that it was difficult coming up with ten commercials that qualified, but rather because this isn't exactly the type of category I keep tabs on. When we usually pick a topic, I at least have a reserve of choices in my mind, but that wasn't the case for commercials. I think it has to do with the form of media itself. Commercials are something that you may get a brief chuckle out of, but nothing that really sustains. And the ones that do sustain, well they eventually get to the point where they are nail-on-a-chalkboard irritating...I'm looking at you Geico Cavemen.

Much ado without nothing...

10. Monster.com - When I Grow Up
I find this rather simplistic commercial clever...and a little sad. Will we eventually reach a point where people will actually aspire to become yes men and yes women? And who is the person making this ad speaking out against? I mean how eventful can your life be if you are making monster.com commercials?

"When I Grow Up...I want to make ads for monster.com."

9. Coor's Light - Hey Coach
I like the new run of Coor's Light commercials mashing up those silly Coor's Light fellas and NFL Coaches. But it is only a matter of time, before we see too many of them. I spent the first half of the commercial enjoying myself, but wondering what that kid in the background was doing. Then the second half, well it's just stupid. But these are fun anyways...enjoy.

What about mothers of animals?

8. ESPN - The International Commercial
As a kid, I always was baffled by the ESP button on the remote. Did they really film two of every television program, just so that button would have a function? Well thanks to the folks at ESPN, we now know the answer...

What dialect is the second set supposed to be? Don't Alaskans speak English? Or has Sarah Palin dispelled that belief?

7. Budweiser - Wassssupp
These commercials seem horrific and annoying now. But I just remember these commercials transforming high school. No longer would a head nod through the halls be sufficient, no a full wasssuppp was warranted.

True, True

6. Pepsi - Apartment 10G
Michael J. Fox was the shit. And this commercial only solidifies that. This commercial could not be any better, I mean the outfits, the hair, the chicks, the music. Wait, I take that back, this commercial could get better, if Michael J. Fox re-enacted it for the year 2008.

If only this was for Pepsi Clear, it would be number 1 on this list.

5. Budweiser - Frogs
Why is it that beer companies typically have the best commercials? Oh, and this is another one of those commercials that was great for the first couple views, but then it just got plain annoying. All I know is that I had a Bud-Weis-Er Frog t-shirt that I used to wear to school in middle school, how did my parents let me wear that? How did I get away with this? It is reasons like these that I wish we had videotapes of our whole life so we could go back and look at how stupid things we did were.

It's all about the drinkability...of the frogs.

4. Drug PSA - Rachel Leigh Cook
This commercial was great, and I think half of the reason is that Rachel Leigh Cook stars in the commercial. I mean what are the odds that the chick who was in a PSA would eventually go on to movie fame? Seems crazy? But I gotta say this one worked, I'd have to say it is one of the most memorable commercials I have ever seen, even to this day.

What if they mashed this commercial up with one of those aforementioned Coor's Light Commercials?

3. Drug PSA - Pee Wee Herman
As great and memorable as the last PSA is, this one is even better. I did not know about this one, til I did a search for the last one and this popped up instead. But isn't this one ten times as effective. I mean who wouldn't be scared to death that they could turn out like Paul Reubens if they did drugs?

Do crack and you'll wind up in a crack.

2. Who knows who - For who knows what
I'm wholly baffled by this commercial, but find it absolutely hysterical. Is this a safe sex PSA? Is this a commercial for sweeties? What are sweeties? Or is this a commercial for condoms? Isn't the point of a commercial to get a product or point across? Enjoy!

Best part ever - when the kid is on the floor.

1. Apple - 1984
This commercial is simply epic. 'Nuff said.

And I'm a PC.

Dan's Top Ten Commercials!

2008-11-13T22:46:00.001-05:00

I took the initiative and am putting my list up now. This is a pretty haphazard list. I had trouble thinking of some, despite commercials being a medium whose sole purpose is to be memorable.

10. Osh Kosh B’Gosh
When I was a kid, this commercial appeared on every tape that I had recorded off television. We would inevitably fast-forward through this commercial every time we popped on a Christmas or Halloween special.

9. Spike TV
Spike TV has been showing the original Star Wars trilogy nonstop for the last few months. They advertised this with a cute commercial starring a lovable Ewok.

8. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pies
The Ninja Turtles were constantly on television; they appeared in toy commercials, food commercials, cartoons, movies, I even recall having a tape of a stage/music show. One product the Turtles shilled were gross Hostess pies. I remember eating these, but I can’t imagine I enjoyed them.

7. McDonald’s
This is the first appearance of Ronald McDonald, and he is a frightening sight. I don’t know who thought a thinly veiled pedophile would make a good mascot.

6. Pizza Hut
The Pizza Head Show series of commercials were shown constantly during the early to mid nineties. These commercials featured the naïve antics of Pizza Head, and the malicious Steve’s desire to destroy him. This particular commercial has a Star Wars theme!

5. Trix/Milk
See what happens when the poor rabbit finally gets his bowl of Trix! Will he finally discover that all of the colors taste like Lemon Pledge?

4. GM
This commercial shows a robot contemplating suicide. ‘Nuff said.

3. Baby Wee-Wee
This commercial appeared on The Soup and it is absolutely hilarious. Watch as a creepy father inappropriately touches his daughter’s doll, causing its penis to rise and shoot pee.

2. Halo 3
Remember how excited we all were for Halo 3? That was due in part to this badass commercial:

1. Black Herbal Toothpaste
This commercial is wrong on so many levels.

Josh on...The Ten Most Overrated Movies

2008-11-12T09:04:00.005-05:00

I decided for my list, that there weren't really videos necessary. I still think it is a damn good list. I'm thinking there will be a few surprises as well.

10. Fahrenheit 9/11
I was not a fan of President George W. Bush when I walked into this movie. However, when walking out of it, there was someone I hated more than George W. Bush: Michael Moore. After the first third or so of this movie, I got the point. The whole thing was messed up, handled poorly, and it sucked. It was a huge tragedy. I could've watched a movie about that. Instead, this movie became anti-Bush propaganda. It was the rallying point (literally, I got Democratic e-mails saying "Let's go watch Fahrenheit 9/11 together") for the Democratic presidential campaign that year. It sparked a sentiment that I found quite ridiculous. Namely, that anyone would be better than Bush. The movie, as I've seen from Moore's movie about healthcare, is just a tear down. It does not propose any solutions. If this had been a tragic telling of a horrible event, it would have potentially been worth the hype. Instead, it was anti-Bush propaganda that offered no viable solution for anything, and instead just bitched about things.

9. Scarface
The issues with this movie have been belabored on this website and others. Mediocre gangster film that is kind of fun, but overrall riddled with over the top performances. It doesn't even hold a candle to The Godfather or Goodfellas, yet we see t-shirts and posters with Tony Montana's face all over the place. Quite silly in my opinion.

8. Boondock Saints
This movie can frequently be found on college students' "favorite movies" section on the Facebook. In my experience, this also tends to be the action/gangster movie that women celebrate as the "guy movie" that they like. However, despite its frequent praise, this movie is just OK. I don't have any serious criticism of this movie. It is just an OK movie that often gets spoken of as much much better.

7. No Country for Old Men
Best picture? Really? While sitting through this movie I had an OK time. That was it. Huge portions of it were the Coen brothers showing us how artsy and cool they could be. Javier Bardem's character was kind of cool, but only "kind of." I didn't care about the characters while I was watching the movie at all. I felt kind of bad when one of the main characters died, but I was more just pissed off that the Coen brothers didn't feel that it was necessary to show how that happened. This goes exactly to the "art for arts sake" problem with this film. Which, of course, is one of the factors that makes film snobs go down on this movie with a passion.

6. Wizard of Oz
Have you watched this movie recently? Not for me. Obviously, it was innovative for its time. But at some point, the fact that a movie was innovative for its time is no longer enough for it to be heralded as a "great movie." Is it a classic? Definitely. However, having re-watched this movie recently, it felt...worn. Now, maybe that's because the movie is made for children. That's fair. However, I still enjoy most Disney movies, even though they were made for children. I just think that at some point, when a movie can no longer resonate with people, it does not deserve to stand amongst those movies which do.

5. Being John Malkovich
This movie is friggin weird. Seriously. This movie was Kauffman and Malkovich getting drunk and making a crazy movie. Yet people tend to really enjoy it. My thoughts on it? Malkovich, malkovich malkovich malkovich. Malkovich!

4. Anchorman
This movie had a few funny scenes, but that's it. Yet people quote it constantly, and Will Ferrell managed to keep landing leading role movies. He is a great team actor, but I don't think he can handle a lead role. This movie is exemplary of that. He only really does a few things well. He does them all in this movie, but it isn't enough to make this movie more than two hours filled with only a few funny scenes.

3. Sixth Sense
Think about this movie for a second. You immediately think of the ending, of course. This whole movie revolves around the ending. And once that ending occurs, there is a HUGE plot hole that we won't get into here. But once you know the ending, and you've rewatched it to make sure that Bruce Willis doesn't talk to anyone, the movie is no longer enjoyable. It's good the first time because of the awesome twist, but then it loses all re-watch value.

2. High School Musical
As it turns out, tonight's episode of South Park explains how shitty this movie is perfectly. For those that didn't see the episode, I will explain. High School Musical is obviously a musical about high school kids. However, the characters are wholly unbelievable. They are not even closely related to actual people, or the reactions that actual people would have in situations. Further, the music is just OK. Compare this movie to a good musical about high school students. It's called Grease. The characters are believable and even today, one can relate to those characters. Grease proves that a movie with in this genre is possible, but HSM proves that the genre is easy to screw up.

1. Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
Obviously Empire is a pretty damn good movie. But it is often considered the best Star Wars movie, which it is not. Jedi is the best Star Wars movie. So, while this movie is still good, it is overrated nonetheless. It is number one because it gets talked up a lot. And Jedi is much better than Empire.

Hula Boy's Top Ten Overrated Flicks

2008-11-10T18:51:00.004-05:00

This list will more than likely upset several readers (aka the other posters on this site and maybe Emily and Karyn.) But that is the whole point of making these lists. They are supposed to polarize people. Either you fully agree with a list and nod in agreement with each new rank, feeling as if you share a wavelength with the poster. Or with each successive number, you get more and more frustrated, believing the poster to have a inferior functioning brain. You will probably feel I fall in the latter, which is about time with one of these postings...

10. Gladiator
This movie is guilty of being overrated because of the ridiculous hype, word of mouth, and bling it received at award shows. It's a very solid movie, very well acted, beautifully shot, and the story, well there is a story. If anyone feels that the plot of Gladiator is one of its strengths, they obviously have never taken a elementary school history class then. History is full of memorable people who have lived just as interesting lives as the Maximus depicted in this movie, but somehow his character becomes immortalized with this movie that falls short of its competitor, Braveheart.

Every movie needs a little more Chris Tucker.

9. The Silence of the Lambs
Like Gladiator, this isn't a bad movie by any means, just one that is guilty of being overrated because of its huge buildup. It's got your rather typical suicide killer storyline (that is only slightly more interesting than you would see on a weekly CSI or Law and Order), that launched into the outer realms of film hype because of Anthony Hopkins over-portrayal of a character with an unforgettable name (because Hannibal you see rhymes with Cannibal.) If anyone has seen Manhunter, the rarely mentioned precursor to this movie, they would find Brian Cox portraying the character in a better fashion in a better movie.

Look Anthony Hopkins can overact!

8. Into the Wild
This movie is guilty of having way too much Sean Penn involved. I thought America learned its lesson when they started to avoid Sean Penn in the films I Am Sam and All the King's Men. But I guess a few tricks including hiding behind a camera can change all of that. This movie irks me to the core. How does a movie about one of the greatest idiots of all time result in such a well reviewed film? Not only that but the real life protagonist is hailed as a hero and glorified when in reality this should be shown to little kids warning them how stupid of lows men can sink to.

Sean Penn's greatest film achievement.

7. Titanic
This movie is guilty of being an overlong, overwrought, overhyped shipwreck of a movie. While it isn't as bad as its namesake or filmsake, it is a rather unnecessary movie that somehow sparked the interests of everyone to run out to the movie theaters and see it no fewer than 5 times. Why that is the case, I have no idea. A movie with a predictable outcome and merely okay romance story captured the minds and hearts of everyone in America during 1996, simply because it mixed all the key genres. I could just see James Cameron pitching this film...It's a romance movie, a disaster movie, an adventure movie, a historical drama, how could we not hit every demographic. Well they did, but I'd like to think America has wised up since then. Please let this never happen again.

At least this movie resulted in a great song and music video!

6. Any of the Harry Potter movies
These movies are guilty of earning way too much money and way too many sequels, when other much better films cannot earn nearly as much money or any sequels. Each and every Harry Potter movie has made more than all of Guillermo del Toro's movies combined. Is that fair?
5. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
This movie is guilty of tricking people into believing that Jim Carrey can act. Which is false, he sucks, and hasn't been good since Ace Ventura. Maybe I'm alone in this belief, but I just do not understand why so many people think this is such a great film. Somehow this movie winds up on the Top 150 list of IMDB's greatest movies of all time. I find it just a completely average romance movie with a cute little twist that would succeed in a thirty minute Twilight Zone episode, but is way to drawn out in a full length feature.

This movie even has Zooey Deschanel and I won't see it.

4. The Matrix
This movie is guilty of bringing the Wachowski brothers to the forefront. Maybe it is unfair to let the biases of several other duds factor into my decision, but I don't care. This movie resulted in two other Matrix movies, which makes it guilty enough to appear on this list. Plus the movie itself is really not as great as the absurd amount of hype would lead you to believe. It's got a somewhat interesting premise that is derived from a Philosophy 101 lecture, that never is above average due largely to the presence of Keanu Reeves. Keanu Reeves can only be viewed for prolonged periods of time in movies that can be unintentionally funny, which this movie is not.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

This guy plays Keanu Reeves better than Keanu Reeves.

3. Children of Men
This movie is guilty of causing people to confuse dreary with good. Too many people have watched this movie feeling sad afterward (because it is bleak and dreary as hell) and come out thinking it was good for that very reason. I just do not understand why so many people enjoy this butchering of a great novel onto the screen. It has mangled an interesting futuristic science fiction plot, that compares with some of the greats, including one of my favorites 1984, into a boring and dull movie. I can appreciate a dystopian movie as much as the next guy, but this movie brings nothing special to the table. Most upsetting is the complete lack of character development and lack of interest in any character. Was anybody truly rooting for any of the characters in this movie? Because I certainly could not care less about any of them.

2. Spirited Away
This movie is guilty of sucking...majorly. I could not even bring myself to stay awake through this movie...twice. Yet, somehow I once had someone try and convince me that it was the greatest film of all time. What? Really? There is absolutely nothing special about this movie. Stay away. Far away.

1. Star Wars
This movie is guilty of causing the largest mass hysteria ever for a movie that is merely good. I watched the first (in release not in order) of the series and felt vastly underwhelmed and in no way compelled to continue following the force. Maybe the movie hasn't aged well and watching it thirty years after its release has tainted my view. But either way this movie is number one on my list, and deservedly so. Let the heckling begin.

The best part about Star Wars is this scene.

P.S. I stole Dan's list formatting because I liked it.

Dan's Top Ten Overrated Movies

2008-11-10T02:17:00.006-05:00

10. Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn
Evil Dead certainly has its cult following, and I will freely admit that I kind of like Ash’s third appearance: Army of Darkness. I just don’t think Evil Dead 2 is as funny or scary as it thinks it is. Bruce Campbell gives it his all, but the slapstick and monster attacks quickly become tedious.

I think I missed the joke.

9. Minority Report
I generally tend to like Steven Spielberg films, I don’t particularly hate Tom Cruise performances, and this movie is based on a story by Philip K. Dick, one of my favorite authors; yet, their combined powers are incredibly underwhelming. The movie has great design (the computer interface, the sonic guns, the cars, the spider-bots), but it is let down by some terrible choices (Cruise’s “disguise,” the product placement, the need to remove moral ambiguity from the protagonist’s actions, the ridiculous complications added to the original short story). Spielberg’s vision of the future is cool, but his choice of screenplay is not.

Welcome to the Gap!

8. Ringu
I was told that Ringu was much better than the American remake titled The Ring. Being the practical man that I am, I decided to forgo the remake and check out the original instead. Boy, was I disappointed. For those not aware, a mysterious video kills anyone who views it. However, the twist is that this movie is about as scary as a phishing scam.

Yes, Ringu, I’m afraid of 1960’s film school projects too.

7. Moulin Rouge!
Moulin Rouge! is a musical for the attention deficient MTV generation. Songs stick around long enough for the viewer to recognize them, and then shift to another equally shrill interpretation of a classic song. The movie propels itself forward at an unbearably manic pace; shots change continuously, characters run around, there’s lots of shouting. This mess left me out of breath and hoping it would all be over soon.

It's set in the past, but they're singing Nirvana!

6. Beowulf
Beowulf is essentially a videogame disguised as a movie. The story is divided into several boss battles, one of which Beowulf fights while completely naked. PRO TIP: The dragon’s weakness is the glowing emblem on his chest!

Would you like to buy a strategy guide with your copy of Beowulf?

5. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
This film tells the harrowing tale of a nice young man browbeaten by his fiancée’s family until he caves in to their every desire. There’s a lot of shrieking (common among films about wedding preparation), along with a bunch of wacky people who don’t understand American customs.

How can this insolent girl want to have life of her own?

4. The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Rocky Horror Picture Show reenactors are the bottom rung of the entertainment industry, definitely lower than mimes. Every song, character, and scene in this movie grates on my nerves.

Not. For. Me.

3. Scarface
This movie became overrated the minute Tony Montana’s face was plastered on a T-shirt roughly the length of a kitchen table. Tony snorts and shoots his way through innumerable amounts of coke and adversaries before his downfall. I don’t think this movie is much more than a mediocre gangster film centered around a memorable (over-the-top) performance by Al Pacino. Pacino’s Montana is a drug-fueled maniac; however, he is a self-made man, so the perfect role model for today’s youth.

This clip pretty much speaks for itself.

2. Crash
This Academy Award winner for best picture is the laughably overwrought tale of Los Angelinos who can’t speak for five minutes without exhibiting their racism. Writer-director Paul Haggis is probably trying to show everyone that they have a little racism inside them, but every character comes off as a ridiculously unrelatable cartoon character. Ludacris (who acts well in this) walks around calling people “chinamen,” proceeds to run over one of these “chinamen,” and then finds out said “chinamen” is running a slavery ring. Sandra Bullock yells racist comments at her maid, falls on her ass, and then is nice to her maid. Ryan Philippe’s character isn’t racist, until he is racist and shoots a black man. I think you get the point: this movie is fucking terrible.

This movie is fucking terrible.

1. Shrek
Probably the most insidious film on this list because it inspired years of cheap, shallow, computer animated cartoons. Critics praised Shrek for its sly humor that adults could get and its twisted take on the traditional Disney fairy tale. Of course they generally fail to mention that this humor consists of exploding birds, poop jokes, and references to boy bands (I must admit, the first film is much better than the small amounts of the sequels I have seen). I don’t know about you, but I find the humor in most Disney and Pixar films to be more mature and enjoyable than anything seen in Shrek. It pains me to think that people get confused and attribute all computer-animated films to Pixar. Ugh.

It's still probably better than The Love Guru.

Next Topic

2008-11-08T12:25:00.003-05:00

Hey, we are plowing ahead with our next topic: Top Ten Overrated Movies. These are movies that you feel don't deserve the popularity or critical acclaim that they have garnered. Since we haven't done one in so long, I was thinking we could maybe try to have them posted before next Friday. This may give us the opportunity to do another new one next week.

Hula Boy's Top Ten Video Game Villains

2008-10-24T15:57:00.003-04:00

Just a forewarning...I don't play that many video games, especially ones with traditional villains. So be wary, this list sucks...

10. The Drums on Expert - Rock Band 1 and 2
They are impossible, can anyone in the world really accomplish any songs on the drums on Expert? Especially without turning their hands into one big blister?

9. Boo - Super Mario World
I'd like to think this villain got it's name from the way to beat it...peek-a-boo rather than the traditional sound a ghost makes. Does any ghost make the sound boo anyways? Aren't most ghosts silent? And if you do hear a ghost speak, doesn't that mean your crazy?

8. The Pink Ghost - Pacman
Uhh, I hated the pink ghost. The red, orange, and yellow ones were fine, but that pink one was something else. The way it stared at you, it was just creepy.

7. Dr. Robotnik - Sonic the Hedgehog
Did anyone else used to watch the Sonic morning cartoon? I did, and I regret it. Sonic and his companion Tails, were two cool cats, but Dr. Robotnik has to be the lamest villain ever. His lameness earns him a spot on this list.

6. Donkey Kong - Donkey Kong/Donkey Kong Jr.
The joint arcade game is where it's at, the combination of Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong Jr. Too bad it is not officially recognized as a legitimate machine to set DK records on. =(

5. Death - Paper Boy
Is there really any better villain than Death? I mean everyone fears Death. This villain gets bonus points for looking exactly like Death from South Park.

4. Bowser - Mario 64
I really cannot distinguish any of the Mario games other than the first one and Mario 64. I remember Bowser looking rather cool from Mario 64. But even cooler from the Super Mario Bros. movie. Ahh, Dennis Hopper needs to reprise this role.

3. The Dallas Cowboys - Sega Madden-Madden 09
The Dallas Cowboys suck. Plus they have a player on their team named Pacman.

2. The Nazis - Wolfenstein 3D
Ugh, Nazis are evil mofos. There will never be a worse group of people in this world, that could be so universally hated to not only be the number two villain in all video games but also be the...

1. The Nazis - Call of Duty 4
The number 1 video game villain of all time too. That is how evil Nazis are.

Dan's Top Video Game Baddies

2008-10-23T14:31:00.001-04:00

Most of my list comes from Nintendo games, since those are the systems I tend to own.

10. Francis: Super Paper Mario
Super Paper Mario is filled with fun characters (although they do tend to go on talking for too long). Francis is the funniest one I've encountered so far. He is an obsessive collector, especially of items relating to the Mushroom Kingdom version of Battlestar Galactica. Francis is so nerdy that he has to turn the game into an RPG so that he is more comfortable talking to Peach. Francis flips out when asked a question that isn't one of the game's options, and the team of Mario, Peach, and Bowser must fight him. The fight itself isn't the best, but everything leading up to it is gold. The funniest moment is definitely when Francis is scrolling through his options and he hovers on "Smooch" for a few seconds before choosing to "Look' at the "Hot Babe.'

9. Helicopter: Call of Duty 4
There is nothing more terrifying than the thumping sounds of an enemy helicopter in Call of Duty 4. These bastards pack powerful guns, always know where you are, and are hard to shoot down. Josh, Brett, and Kevin can attest to the fact that I hated these things so much I would focus on killing them rather than other players.

8. Insanity: Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem
This game starts out in 26 B.C. as the Roman soldier Pious Augustus is corrupted by an Ancient God. In the year 2000 A.D., Alexandra Roivas finds an ancient book in her grandfather's house that tells Augustus' story as well as those in other time periods. You get to play as each multiple characters, in different time periods, as Alexandra reads about their fight to stop three gods from taking over the universe. As the player encounters bad guys, their sanity meter drops; this causes various tricks on the mind: the volume meter may begin to go down, it may appear as if your save data is being erased, bugs show up on the screen, your character explodes, monsters appear out of nowhere, and many others.

There don't seem to be any good videos of insanity effects, so here is a fan-made trailer I found:

7. Las Plagas: Resident Evil 4
These baddies start out as typical zombie-like creatures, albeit slighlty more human. These guys reach top ten status when headshots no longer drop them and instead shoot giant spiked tentacles out of their necks. From then on, headshots become a calculated risk; they could drop the zombie in one shot, but chances are you will just have to deal with a horrible tentacle of death.

6. Majora: The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
Majora is a mask that possesses its wearer and gives them the power to do evil. In this game, the mask takes over the innocent Skull Kid and forces him crash the moon into the world of Termina. At the end of the game, Link finds the mask embodied in the form of a child who is ostracized and lashing out on the world.

5. Metroid: Metroid Series
Metroids belong to the tiny, hard-to-shoot category of villains also populated by dogs, those crab things in Half-Life, and the Flood. Although these guys aren't too dangerous in the Metroid Prime series, their shriek still sends chills down my spine. I always hated encountering these baddies, even though I often dispatched them with ease.

4. Donkey Kong: Donkey Kong
He may be a good guy now, but DK got his start by kidnapping Mario's girlfriend and carrying her up a construction site. Donkey Kong is one of videogames greatest villains mostly because he is part of the difficult elevator level. I hate those springs!

3. Bowser: Mario series
Bowser shows up as the main villain in most Mario games, despite having been constantly defeated over the last twenty years. His motives are usually a bit vague, but it's excusable because who doesn't like beating the crap out of this guy? One of the more exciting battles with Bowser occurs in Super Mario Galaxy:

2. 12 year olds: Any online game (especially Halo)
These squeaky-voiced bastards are whiny, selfish, racist, and homophobic. They will berate you before every match, and drop out if they begin to lose the game. I've had some on my own team who killed me because they wanted the Warthog I was in! Their worst offense is always vetoing the first choice of game, regardless of what it is. When I'm excited for a game of Slayer, they inevitably veto it and we play Oddball or something equally horrible. It's the worst.

1. Ganon/Ganondorf: Zelda series
Some of the best boss battles of all time have been against Ganon. Endowed with the Triforce of Power, Ganon tries to take over the world by capturing the Triforce of Wisdom and the Triforce of Courage from their holders Zelda and Link. One of the coolest fights is in Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker: Link and Zelda must work together to defeat Ganondorf as Ancient Hyrule floods around them.

Josh's Top Video Game Villains

2008-10-21T07:15:00.000-04:00

10. Zombies
Video Game: Dead Rising
Explanation: Zombies are a pain in the ass. You know it, I know it. Dead Rising was a whole game full of zombies. There were tons of them. At points I couldn't even walk, because the whole mall was so densely packed with zombies trying to eat me. No worries though, as my trusty sword made short work of them.
Best Villain Moment: There is a bit in Dead Rising where the mastermind behind putting the zombies there has planted bombs under the mall. So I had to race around under the mall disarming them. However, there are so many god damn zombies under the mall, that my car gets damaged from running so many of them over. Inevitably, I have to proceed on foot and get swarmed and killed. Those bastards.

9. Chain Chomp
Video Game: Mario Kart Wii
Explanation: Although Chain Chomp is featured in many Mario games, what makes him a good villain is his performance in Mario Kart Wii. For some reason, no matter how good I got at avoiding other dangers on the road, he was always the variable. He was always able to surprise me, and send me from first place to last. So, while he isn't as cunning as the others on this list, his pure ability to frustrate my goals makes him a top villain.
Best Villain Moment: Not technically in a game, but still...

8. Nazis
Video Game: Every World War 2 game ever
Explanation: The Nazis, along with Bowser, are another classic villain. They don't really require much of an explanation. We are all quite familiar with the exploits of the Third Reich.
Best Villain Moment: There are so many Nazi moments in video games, that it was tough to come up with just one moment. The one that popped into my head takes place in Call of Duty 2. Essentially, you are about to take out some sort of key Nazi target, and they start bombing the hell out of you. So you have to avoid getting bombed to death and sitll run around to stop those bastards. Tough stuff.

7. Ganondorf
Video Game: Zelda
Explanation: Ganondorf, AKA The Great King of Evil, makes an appearance in most Zelda games. His goal is to control the entire tri-force, thus making him pretty much undefeatable. But Link has other plans.
Best Villain Moment: Despite the ease with which this person beats Ganondorf, I recall this fight taking me FOREVER as a kid.

6. Dogs
Video Game:Paper Boy, Call of Duty 4
Explanation: Strange video games to list, huh? Well, it just goes to show that dogs are a pain in the ass. In the classic Paper Boy, they run out at you and you have to dodge them. If you aren't paying attention they will really ruin your route. Meanwhile, in games like COD4, they are actually attacking you and your teammates. You're saying to yourself, "Who cares, it's just a dog, just put it down with a shotgun to the head!" Unfortunately, it is not that easy.
Best Villain Moment: When one of these bastards attacks a teammate in Call of Duty 4, you are in quite the predicament. You have to shoot the thing, but it is wriggling all over the place, and you risk shooting your friend. They know what they're doing. They run super fast so you can't easily shoot them then, and then those bitches use your friend as cover so you won't blow their brains out with a shotgun.

5. Bowser
Video Game: Almost every Mario game ever
Explanation: Bowser is a classis villain. What makes him most evil is his relentlessness. After years and years of trying to kidnap Princess Peach, he just keeps on trying. Further, he is able to force Mario to undertake all sorts of lengthy adventures just to find the Princess. Some might think Bowser is really just kidnapping the Princess because he enjoys toying with Mario. Either way, Bowser's persistence and classicness make him a top villain.
Best Villain Moment: In the original Super Mario Bros., Bowser confronted Mario at each castle the courageous plumber explored. However, he was really just screwing with Mario's head. Bowser took the time to booby-trap each castle and fill parts of it with lava, just to mislead Mario. Even after Mario succesfully defeated Bowser at that castle, his only reward was a mushroom-headed minion telling Mario that "our princess is in another castle." By the time Mario got to the last castle, he would've been totally demoralized. Genius on Bowser's part.

4. Me
Video Game: Fable, Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, etc.Explanation: In today's video game climate, "choices" are all the rage. Instead of a simple linear story, games try to give you some free reigh and decide if you want to be a good guy or a bad guy. I have definitely been quite the bad guy in some games. Best Villain Moment: In Oblivion, for some reason there was a character that the game wouldn't let me kill. Maybe a glitch? So, in what is definitely not my best moment, I broke into his house, killed his wife, and stole everything in the house and pawned it to buy a bigger sword.

3. Frank Fontaine - WARNING: SPOILERS
Video Game: Bioshock

Explanation: Wow. This guy is evil. Essentially, he uses his genetically altered son as a brain-washed slave to destroy his political opponent in an underground city.

Best Villain Moment: He isn't technically in the scene, but when you realize that this bastard has tricked you into doing his bidding using a subconscious mind control trigger, it will piss you off. Big time.

2. Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System
Video Game: Portal

Explanation: More commonly referred to as GLaDOS, this female-voiced computer system is your main opponent in Portals. And she is one sneaky bitch. SPOILERS: Initially in the game, it seems like GLaDOS is your friend, helping you test out a sweet new gun. Pretty quickly, you realize that she has very little regard for your safety, both physically and emotionally. Her evils range from forcing you to kill your Weighted Companion Cube, to trying to throw you into a fire pit. She is also a good opponent because she is extremely smart, constantly tempting the player with promises of cake at the end. Unfortunately, the cake is a lie. The emotional and physical trauma that GLaDOS puts the player through make her one of the top villains in video game history.

Best Villain Moment:

1.The Flood

Video Game: Halo series

Explanation: The Flood are a parasitic alien race. They simply travel around killing things. They come in several varieties, from the tiny little crawly ones, to towering monsters bigger than a man and capable of using human weapons. Not only their relentlessness, but their sheer numbers make them a formidable foe.

Best Villain Moment: The first time you fight the flood in the original Halo. I tried, without success, to find some gameplay footage. But at the time, you had only seen regular Covenant baddies, your typical aliens. Then all of a sudden the Flood pops out of nowhere, and they are quite accurately named. There are so many of them that it's really a matter of whether you run out of bullets before killing all of them. The first time you face them is definitely some intense shit.

Karyn's Ten Favorite Video Game Villains

2008-10-15T21:34:00.008-04:00

10) Mr. Big/Lumberjack/Det. Harry Tipper (Timesplitters - PS2)
My cousin and I played Timesplitters all the time, and for some reason, these were the three guys we always picked to play against. Skill-wise, no character is better or worse than another, but killing these guys just always seemed right.

9) Goomba's Shoe (Super Mario Bros. 3 - NES)
Sadly, the only appearance of Goomba’s Shoe was in Level 5-3 of Sky Land in Super Mario Bros. 3. After you successfully killed the Goomba inside, you were then free to inhabit the shoe (which looks more like a boot to me) and walk harm-free over Spinies and Piranha Plants. Best part of the game.

8) Los Ganados/Los Illuminados (Resident Evil 4 - GC)
Resident Evil enemies are always a blast to kill, but the townspeople and monks in RE4 are some of my all-time favorites because not only are they suitably scary, but they are also an effective means of learning delightful Spanish phrases and curse words.

7) Tonberry (Final Fantasy Series)
There are various incarnations of Tonberry in the Final Fantasy series, but they all essentially have the same deal. They have massive amounts of HP, and they walk slowly toward you as you use your most powerful attacks in an attempt to kill them. If the Tonberry reaches you before you can take it down, it will fatally stab you once with its tiny chef’s knife. The best part about this is that the short stab is accompanied by a “Doink” sound effect. Hilarious. Side note: I actually own a plush Tonberry.

6) Eggplant Wizard (Kid Icarus - NES)
You’re trying to navigate through the Labyrinth, when you unwittingly enter a roomful of Eggplant Wizards. Before you can turn around to hightail it out of there, BAM! You’re an eggplant. Now you have to try to find a room with a nurse. Giant pain in the ass, but pretty damn funny.

5) Big Boo/Petey Pirahna (Mario Kart: Double Dash - GC)
Oooh…I hate these fuckers so much. First off, they’re always knocking my little Bowser Jr. all over the place with their heavy-ass cars. Second, I can’t even begin to count the number of times that fat flower head has blocked my screen while I’m trying to race. Still, it wouldn’t be Mario Kart without them - they give me someone to blame when I don’t come in first.

4) Ice Cream Truck/Boogeyman (Toe Jam and Earl - GEN)
I can't think of a game with more ridiculous enemies than Toe Jam and Earl. However, there are two that stand out to me, mainly because they make an otherwise easy game quite difficult. The first is the Ice Cream Truck, which only shows up near the end of the game. You hear it’s loud honk, and POOF! It appears out of thin air to mow you down. Then it’ll disappear into a cloud of smoke, only to reappear two seconds later to finish you off. Brutal. Similarly, the Boogeyman is invisible until he is right on top of you. The worse thing about Boogeymen is that they sometimes travel in packs, and their combined efforts of “scaring” you usually result in death or falling onto the board below (which is sometimes just as bad). I couldn't find a pic of these guys, so here's a random screenshot of the game for you to enjoy.

3)Bowser Jr. (Mario games)
Bowser Jr. is on the list because he is just so darn cute. He’s also my preferred racer in Mario Kart. His taunting laugh makes me smile, even when he’s trying to kill me.

2) Scissorman (Clock Tower - PS1)
Scissorman might be the scariest villain I have ever encountered in a video game. You hear his music before you even see him coming – that’s when you know you’re screwed. The thing about Scissorman is that you can’t fight him, you can only hide. He hides as well, and despite knowing all his favorite spots, I still jump a mile out of my chair when he pops out of a closet. Even though you eventually find out that Scissorman is **SPOILER ALERT** the gayest nine year old boy you will ever see in your life, it doesn’t take away from the heart-stopping thrill of being chased by him in subsequent playings.

1) Sephiroth (Final Fantasy VII - PS1)
When I first heard about this list, I knew that Sephiroth was going to be my number one. He embodies everything that a villain should be. He has a bad ass weapon (the Masamune sword), awesome powers (see his “Super Nova” summon in the video below), and the best theme music ever (“One-Winged Angel”, heard in the video below). Did I mention that he is the main bad guy in one of the most beloved RPGs of all time? Combine all this, and you have an epic final battle that is second to none.

This Week's Topic

2008-10-12T09:30:00.001-04:00

This week's topic is the Top Ten Video Game Villains. Good luck!

Hula Boy's Top Ten Childhood Toys

2008-10-10T19:51:00.004-04:00

I feel like my list will differ greatly from most other's lists. I had only one action figure as a kid. I never had any toy trucks or cars or anything of that ilk. I don't even remember who would of played half of this stuff with me, and everyone must of thought I was a weirdo...so without further ado...

10. Trivial Pursuit Jr.
I don't ever remember playing against anyone. I remember playing with my parents, but they couldn't have really been playing, or else it wouldn't have been any fun. I do remember playing three different versions of myself, redself, blueself, and greenself, and seeing which was better.

9. Beetlejuice Action Figure
I had the exact same action figure above. You would pull the head off of the figure and a slithery snake like Beetlejuice head would pop up. I never saw the movie growing up, but had plenty of nightmares about this action figure. Not the action figure, but the life form of the action figure. Maybe since this scared the bejesus out of me and was my first action figure, I decided I didn't want any other ones?

8. Clue Jr. Books
These books had three page stories, and then you had to solve the riddle to them at the end. I was addicted. They kept me up through all hours of the night. I would awaken in the morning with bloodshot eyes from reading these stories. It was like eight year old crack, I will keep my kids away from these.

7. Chip 'N Dales Computer Game
The game was like a shitty version of Mario and ran on MS-DOS. But I remember playing it and never getting past the third level as a kid. It led to me playing another computer game, which will come up later.

6. Pogs
This had to be the stupidest fad ever. Who thought they could cash in on creating little sheets of cardboard that you would through metal coinlettes at? And more importantly how did it work? I remmeber the collecting of these being better than the playing. Oh, and the mascot, how was that a viable mascot?

5. Creepy Crawlers
This was a special toy. You didn't play with it all the time, only on those special occasions. I'm not even sure I remember what the appeal was, because it really wasn't fun to pour the goo into the little cookie cutters. And the crawlers themselves always tore apart before long. Maybe it was the fact that it was only be allowed to play with on a limited basis.

4. Koosh Balls
Koosh balls were awesome. They were safe, couldn't hurt anyone, couldn't break a window or any furniture, and could be played with in the pool. Why aren't more child's toys thought out like this.

3. Solitaire
My dad would always play solitaire on the computer, which made me want to do the same thing. This was when I was six years old. Yes, I played solitaire as a six year old, and this is one of the few skills that has carried over and proven advantageous to this day and age. You would think with how far computers have come, they could think of some other game other than solitaire to put on them.

2. U.S. Puzzle
I had this exact puzzle pictured here. Oh, how it brings back memories. There were rumors that I could complete it by three years of age. And 50 of my first 100 or so words were states. Did I mention I was a weird kid?

1. Marble Tower
I never had this toy. But my cousins did, and I could not wait to go their house to play with this as a child. You would build a track from various plastic pieces and then allow marbles to drop down and circle through the tower. This toy was amazing!

Karyn's Favorite Childhood Toys

2008-10-10T14:28:00.015-04:00

10. He-Man/She-Ra
Since I had an older brother, I was an equal opportunity player when it came to He-Man and She-Ra. I can’t remember what I had for dinner last night, but I will never forget the smells of Moss Man and Stinkor. Whose brilliant marketing idea was that?!

9. Lazer Tag
Looking back on it, Lazer Tag was really fucking lame, but at the time, my brother and I thought it was the coolest thing ever, despite the fact that the only place we could play it was in a 10 x 20 foot basement filled with so much crap that we couldn’t even run. I really enjoyed wearing the vest - it made me feel bad ass.

8. Stuffed Dogs
Every year, for every major holiday, I would ask my parents for a dog...and every year, for every major holiday, they got me a stuffed one. Like that was supposed to appease me or something. I acquired quite a few dogs throughout my childhood, but my favorite was Rolly from 101 Dalmations. In the end, I got my parents back – I brought home a dog when I was in college, and they’ve been taking care of it ever since.

7. Flipsiders
I loved these things – they were little board games that came out of a cassette when you flicked your wrist. The player pieces were magnets, and the spinner was the “reel” part of the cassette. My favorites were Rock Tour, Mall Madness, and Scavengers Gold. No one remembers these things, and people always look at me like I’m retarded whenever I start talking about them.

6. Care Bears
When I was 6 years old, I entered a Care Bears coloring contest at Rite Aid, for which I painstakingly made sure that every Care Bear was the exact color down to the smallest detail...and I ended up losing to someone who was too stupid to realize that Funshine Bear is yellow and Good Luck Bear is green. I remember my mom being super pissed and complaining to the manager. I’m sure that if I was old enough to know better, I would have been embarrassed. Good toys though – I had a stuffed Lion Heart Bear that I used to take with me everywhere.

5. Polly Pocket
I felt that Dan stole this idea from me when I saw that he put Mighty Max in his top ten. It’s practically an insult because Mighty Max always was and always will be Polly Pocket’s bitch. While doing research for this list, I almost bid on numerous Polly Pocket sets on eBay, but thankfully, logic set in, and I realized that I’m an adult and need to pay bills.

4. Cabbage Patch Kids
At the peak of their popularity, Cabbage Patch Kids were the "must have" toy of Christmas. My mom spent a ridiculous amount of time and effort trying to track one down and was so proud to have miraculously scored one. Unfortunately for her, it was a bald boy, and I was an ungrateful bitch. I cried and refused to play with it for months. Over time, I acquired more Cabbage Patch Dolls, but the only one still in my closet is that hated one, and his shiny bald head smells just as strongly of baby powder as it did on the day I got him. Poor neglected Barker Lyndon (yes, that was his real name)…I’m sorry I was such a terrible “mom” to you.

3. Jem
I was a huge fan of Jem and the Holograms. I watched the cartoon and listened to the cassette soundtrack religiously. I also had several of the dolls, as well as the stage set for them to perform on. Jem outshone Barbie in every way, from her flashing red earrings to her way hotter boyfriend (Gay Ken vs. Rio? No contest!). Little known fact: Jem was all about racial harmony, having band mates that were African-American, Hispanic, and Asian.

2. My Little Pony
I loved My Little Ponies, but the cartoon series/toy line lacked any real bad guys. I know Dan has heard this story a million times, but I used to create my own evil ponies by drawing thick eyebrows, handlebar moustaches, and lightning bolts on them with black permanent marker. I would then have the new baddies wreak havoc on the My Little Pony nursery. Good times.

1. Nintendo Game Boy
The original Game Boy was the first video game system that was totally mine. I never left home without it. It’s the only toy that I have played with consistently over the course of 18 years. It blows away numbers 2-10 by a mile.

Josh's Favorite Childhood Toys

2008-10-10T09:43:00.000-04:00

I had a great time putting this list together. Tons of great memories. If you're as nerdy as I was, I suspect it will be a walk down memory lane for you as well.

10. TIE: Monopoly/Risk
Despite how unbearable these games are today, I played the shit out of them as a kid. I recall one summer where me and a few friends played a game of Monopoly almost every day for several weeks. I'm not sure if it's the Jew in me or what, but I was always able to make great deals and win triumphantly. Unless I was playing against my brother, who cheats.

9. TIE: Plastic Light Sabers/Wooden Swords
My brother and I, even more than board games, loved sword fighting the hell out of each other when we were younger. Everyone knows what a plastic light saber is, and they were OK fun. The problem was, they were such cheap plastic that you couldn't really get into battles that were too intense. Then my aunt and uncle totally saved my childhood. They went to a Renaissance Fair and brought both of us back a wooden sword and shield. Holy. Shit. These wooden swords were about three or four feet long, which for a kid is quite big. And they were quite sturdy. We spent many a day battling for domination of our back toy room, often with me being the victor. Of course, that is mostly because I am four years my brother's elder.

8. Superman with Krpytonite Ring

This toy harkens back to my REALLY young years. At that point I found this thing super cool, because it came with a kryptonite ring. The ring had a magnet in it that somehow magically made the toy fall down when you brought it near Superman. The way I figured it, as a little kid, this was the most realistic thing ever, besides the Banshee toy below.

7. Banshee with Whistle

Who was Banshee? He was a member of the X-Men that could yell really loud. Based on what I remember, he may or may not have had some sort of gliding ability. Who gives a crap. When I used to play with this toy, I could use the whistle in his chest to simulate the super-sonic sounds capable of destroying buildings and wreaking havoc on bad guys. However, there were many battles where Banshee became a bad guy. That damn whistle was so powerful, it took a whole team of meta-humans to put him in line.

6. Ewok Village

Obviously, all my awesome action figures needed somewhere cool to hang out. As you will see after the break, they had more than one option. The Ewok Village was a pretty sweet hideout. It had secret entrances in tree trunks, a basket for lazy pieces of crap like Professor Xavier who couldn't be bothered with the stairs, and a boulder to drop on unsuspecting intruders. Essentially, everything one would want in a hide-out.

5. Voltron Black Lion

One of the most frustrating and enjoyable parts of my childhood was a result of the Black Lion. Why was this toy awesome? Five little words: And I'll form the head.

Unfortunately, I never acquired any of the other lions. I thought of just asking specific friends to get specific lions, thus allowing me to make Voltron, but I had seen that method fail in the past.

To this day, when I see the full Voltron set somewhere, it takes all my willpower to not buy it.

4. Ghostbusters Firehouse

While the Ewok village is a pretty sweet hideout, the Ghostbusters had a much better thing going. Multiple floors and great advertising outside. Plus, a WORKING FIREPOLE. That's right. It is not pictured here, but there was a firepole in this thing, with a little stand. You could use the holes in the bottom of the toys' feet to stick them to the platform, and down they went, on their way to fight bad guys.

3. Millenium Falcon

I frequently ran into a big problem when I was younger. A good number of my toys were on Endor at the Ewok Village, while others were in New York at the Ghostbusters Firehouse. There was only one way to go back and forth quickly. I needed a ship capable of going really fast. So I found this bad boy, capable of making the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs. Good enough for me.

2. Ghostbusters Equipment

I LOVED the Ghostbusters. So much so, that I of course wanted to be one. So, I acquired a proton pack, a ghost trap and even a little sensor thing to detect the ghosts. Until I saw this site, I thought I had everything a potential Ghostbuster could want. Oh how wrong I was.

1. Jedi Luke Skywalker

Clearly, "Return of the Jedi" is the best Star Wars movie. Based on that, it should be little surprise that the action figure of Luke from that movie would be my favorite. Let's also not forget that this toy was highly poseable, meaning namely that his knees bent, which was not often the case back then. Plus, since he was already a Jedi at this point, he could do all sorts of badass stuff. I won't lie though, when I was running the show Luke dabbled with the dark side a little bit, mostly in the form of lightning and choking the shit out of bad guys. It happens.

Daniel's Toy Chest

2008-10-10T01:58:00.004-04:00

I pretty much only played with action figures as a kid, so my list will be heavily populated with them. I will number them by series, and pick my favorite toy within the series.

10. Wrestling Superstars
Yes, as children my sister and I enjoyed watching professional wrestling. These toys were basically hunks of rubber shaped like wrestling superstars. I don’t know why, but I liked Jake “The Snake” Roberts and Rowdy Roddy Piper the most.

Here's a commercial:

9. Fisher Price Little People
I think most of the Little People toys that I played with were actually my sisters. The people were basically plastic cylinders with round heads, the play sets were really where Fisher Price put in the effort. The big ones in my house were the school and the zoo. The school had a playground that, I believe, was spring-loaded and shot out from beneath the building. The zoo had all sorts of animals, car paths, and a tunnel that went underneath the hippo pool!

8. Mighty Max
These were basically the boy version of Polly Pocket. Mighty Max always found himself in tiny adventures, most of which seemed like rip-offs of popular movies. I fondly recall a snake that opened up into an Indiana Jones type place, one that resembled the movie Alien, and a skull that turned into Frankenstein’s lab. I don’t know why I liked these so much, but I’m looking at pictures now and I kind of want one. I am choosing “The Palace of Poison” as my favorite because I think it had a trapdoor in it. Trapdoors and secret doors were an aspect of play sets that I really appreciated as a child.

Is that what I looked like when I was playing with these? Oh dear.

7. Happy Meal Toys
Most people consider Happy Meal toys junk, but I remember continually playing with a handful of these. One that I really enjoyed was the Tale Spin die-cast planes collection. I think I may have only had Baloo’s plane, but it was still pretty cool. Another great line was when Looney Tunes characters dressed up as superheroes. This combined two of my favorite things: Looney Tunes and DC Comics characters. Of course, Daffy Duck as Batman was my favorite. My absolute favorite Happy Meal toy was the animated Back to the Future Delorean. The Delorean was awesome because it shot sparks out of its back.

Back to the Future Commercial:

6. Robocop
I had not seen Robocop as a child, but I still knew the toys were badass. These were the only action figures I knew of where you could stick caps in their back and they would actually make shooting sounds and gunsmoke! ED-209, a giant robot with gun arms, was pretty cool, although he eventually snapped in half. The best part of the line was the vehicle selection. A copter, a police car, and my absolute favorite: a mobile prison called the Robo-Jailer. A kid in my preschool class brought this in for show-and-tell and I immediately wanted one. It was basically a big hollow van with two independent cells where criminals could be locked up. These toys were also very versatile, the Robocop characters and vehicles fit in perfectly with my Batman or X-Men ones. This became even more important after I lost Robocop’s helmet, and he essentially became useless. Who wants to play with this?:

Here's a commercial:

5. Police Academy
I loved this cartoon/movie because I wanted to be a police officer; I especially wanted to be a police officer who could mimic sound effects. Similar to Robocop, these toys could fit in well with other lines. It offered some cool vehicles and kid-size accessories, but the high point was the Police Station. This thing offered a trap door(!) under the police lineup that led directly into the jail cell, a spring-loaded jail door that could swing back and trap cops in their locker room, and a giant gun on the roof. This is the perfect companion to the Ghostbusters Fire House.

4. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
TMNT toys had a lot of crazy characters that were creative and fun to play with. My favorite toys were when they would take the ninja turtles and set them to different themes. The sports theme included a Leonardo that could actually throw a football, a music theme had rapping and heavy metal Turtles, a war theme had civil war and WWII Turtles and bad guys. One of my top three was Invisible Man Michaelangelo, who was based on the H.G. Wells character. I also liked the Footcruiser, although this is mostly because it kind of looked like a Batmobile. My absolute favorite was Super Shredder from the second movie. This guy looked like he could kick anyone’s ass:

Bebop as a purple-uniformed Nazi

Michaelangelo as Flava Flav.

3. Star Wars
I love Star Wars, so naturally I loved the toys. Of these toys my favorites were Bespin Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader with Removable Helmet. The Luke toy was cool because it actually looked like Mark Hamill, which was apparently difficult because most Luke toys looked like monsters:

Bespin Luke’s hand could also be removed, just like in the movie. The Darth Vader was cool because his helmet was removable. I don’t know if I had much reason to play with a helmet-less Vader, but I’m sure I fashioned one story or another around it.

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

2. Ghostbusters
Ghostbusters featured a lot of interesting characters and vehicles. I remember such toys as a toilet turned into a monster that looked like it could eat people, an old woman who turned into a monster that looked like it could eat people, and a mailman who turned into a monster that looked like it could eat people. The one figure I always wanted from this line was a ghostbusting Slimer that came with a proton pack. However, pictures on the internet show that its lameness probably would have disappointed me. Of all of the toys, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man was my favorite. I guess he was kind of a useless character, but I always managed to find stories for him.

1. Batman
Surprise, I enjoyed playing with Batman toys. My favorites of these were also my favorite Batman villains. First up was “Lethal Impact Bane.” This guy was huge compared to my other toys, and he looked like he could break Batman’s back like he did in the comic. Two-Face was another favorite of mine, and the toy from the animated series was one of the only figures I had of him. I also enjoyed the Joker, particularly the one that came with some sort of smiley-face weapon that could bite. It is unclear what this weapon’s actual purpose was.

After writing this list, I would like to apologize to my parents for asking them for all of this crap.

Next Topic

2008-10-07T20:02:00.000-04:00

I know Josh hasn't posted, but I figured I should put this up. The next topic will be Top Ten Toys. These are the toys you loved as a child, or perhaps continue to love in ways that are unnatural and sad.

Josh's Ghost Guest List

2008-10-05T09:42:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry this list is so shitty. It was a crazy week for me. This week's will be better.

10. Moaning Myrtle

I think it was forgotten that although Moaning Myrtle was a total crazy, she was still kind of helpful to good ol' HP. Plus I'm sure she has some great Hogwarts war stories.

9. Obi Wan Kenobi
Obviously Obi Wan would be awesome to have at a party. Unfortunately, I think his memory would be a little hazy. In Episode IV, he barely remembers R2. Now, admittedly, it is probably tough to remember every droid you've had over the years, but considering it seems there is only one R2 unit that looks like this in the galaxy (based on what we've seen in the movies) you would think old Ben Kenobi would remember it.

8. Patrick Swayze from Ghost

7. Kenny McCormick

6. Jor El - Superman movies

5. Gina Davis in Beetlejuice
Brett recommended actually bringing Beetlejuice to the party. Obviously he forgets how much of a crazy Beetlejuice was. A much more suitable guest would be Gina Davis' character in the film. She is kind of cute still, and able to tell us all sorts of stories about when she tried to scare those people out of living in her house.

4. Death - Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey

3. Christopher Llodyd - Angels in the Outfield

2. Eugene Levy as an Angel - Down to Earth

1. Chuck - Pushing Daisies

Killer Parties Almost Killed Me (Hula Boy's Dead Man Party)

2008-10-03T22:23:00.000-04:00

10. Sam Wheat - Ghost (the film)

Who doesn't love Patrick Swayze? And who wouldn't want possibly the cheesiest movie character of all time at their party. Even Roger Ebert declared this movie the most cheesy he has ever seen, and he has seen a lot of movies. I almost didn't include Swayze on this list though, for obvious reasons, such as 'possibly too soon' or 'too close to home' reasons.

9. Dr. Malcolm Crowe - The Sixth Sense

Every party needs that brooding guy in the corner, and Dr. Malcolm Crowe is mine. Plus, he may actually think that he is at a living party, I mean he did make it through the entire movie without realizing that he was dead. Plus, I'm sure a lot of "I See Dead People" jokes would be made.

8. Cindy Campbell - Scary Movie, Scary Movie 2, Scary Movie 3...

Every party needs dumb hot chicks, and who better than the parody of the dumb hot chick. I'm a huge Anna Farris fan and would welcome her at any party. I didn't know that she died at the end of Scary Movie, but was glad she did as she would qualify for the party. Plus, I just never can get enough of those silly parody movies, who else can't wait for Scary Movie 12!

7. Gandalf the White - Lord of the Rings

The requisite old creepy dude, who know one knows at the party. Plus, who wouldn't want to find out what really happened between Frodo and Samwise?

6. Casper the Friendly Ghost - Casper

I much prefer the name Casper the Friendly Ghost to Casper the Neighborhood Friendly Ghost

5. Aliyn - Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the movie)

It's Paul Reubens overacting--wait does he never overact? But anyways, who wouldn't want an evil Pee-Wee Herman at their party? Especially one constantly spouting out terrible one liners.

4. Susie Q - Susie Q

Yes, from the Disney made for television movie. Yes, it is the Pink Power Ranger. But yes, it is a haunting love story, about a girl who dies on the night of her prom, and is looking to give back to future prom goers. She died enroute to a party, why not have her at this lively party?

3. Bernie - Weekend At Bernie's

I'm inviting Weekend at Bernie's Bernie, not Weekend at Bernie's II Bernie. A dead body can only be fun for so long, before it starts to decay, and well who wants Al Davis at their party?

2. Chuck - Pushing Daisies

If you are thinking she wouldn't be the perfect addition to any party, then you need to watch Pushing Daisies. NOW!

1. Beetlejuice - Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice

Dan's Spirit Soiree

2008-10-03T01:49:00.000-04:00

10) Sir Simon (The Canterville Ghost)
Sir Simon is the beleaguered ghost in Oscar Wilde’s short story The Canterville Ghost. Sir Simon would make it to my party because he is a showman and an actor, he views his house like a stage in which his job is to scare the audience. Unfortunately for him, a group of brash Americans move in and torment him. The best moments are when the family jury-rigs a ghost of their own to scare him, and when a reappearing blood spot turns out to be nail polish.

9) Boo (Super Mario Bros.)
Boo has shown himself to be a valuable addition to any party, especially if that party be a Mario Party. It’s unclear whether or not he talks, which is fine since every party needs a creepy loner.

8) The Stranger (High Plains Drifter)
Spoiler Alert: Clint Eastwood’s character in High Plains Drifter is dead! Lynched by a town in the Wild West, a spirit returns in the form of Clint Eastwood to wreak havoc. He essentially holds the entire town hostage and forces them to do his bidding. This includes forcing them to rename the town Hell and paint every building red. The Stranger is a badass with a sick sense of humor that would probably invigorate a party.

7) Zombie Dog (Resident Evil)
Pets are welcome and my dead party, and these Zombie Dogs are certainly the scariest. There is nothing more frightening in a videogame than a small, quick, hard to shoot enemy. These bastards take the cake.

6) The Spectre
The Spectre is one of the most powerful superheroes in the DC Universe. He began as Jim Corrigan, a detective who was murdered. In death, Corrigan became the Spectre—the avenging angel of God’s wrath. Since the Spectre has the knowledge of pretty much everything, he would be perfect to get into intellectual discussions with or settle disputes. However he is occasionally depicted as a distant, super-serious loner.

5) Slimer
Slimer is the consummate party animal. He shows up, he makes a mess, and he eats all of the food.

4) The Spirit
Detective Denny Colt awakens to find himself buried in a coffin after a fight that left him temporarily dead. After breaking out, Colt leaves his identity for dead and becomes the Spirit. The best thing the Spirit brings to a party are lots and lots of women. Women are constantly falling in love with him, or trying to kill him.

3) Count Chocula
Count Chocula is a great guest because he brings his own food: chocolatey, marshmallow cereal! I’m sure Slimer would love it.

2) Jack Skellington
Jack is a mover-and-shaker in Halloween Town. If you want someone with political influence at your party, he’s the one to ask. He is also an entertaining singer and dancer extraordinaire.

1) Obi-Wan Kenobi
Obi-Wan could entertain guests with stories of his glory days as a general in the Clone Wars. He could also tell you how to construct/wield a lightsaber, and who doesn’t want that?

I feel kind of bad that I couldn't think of a single female dead character to put on my list (Moaning Myrtle would be too annoying).

I leave you with this fun Mickey Mouse cartoon that I remember enjoying as a child:

This Week on Top 10 x 4 or 3 or Whatever

2008-09-27T15:29:00.000-04:00

"I was struck by lighting,
Walkin' down the street,
I was hit by something last night in my sleep.
It's a dead man's party!
Who could ask for more,
Everybody's comin', leave your body at the door.
Leave your body and soul at the door . . ."
-Oingo Boingo, Dead Man's Party

Taking inspiration from the great movie composer, Danny Elfman, and his band Oingo Boingo, I've decided on an interesting topic for this week's category... So you're throwing a Dead Man's Party, who is going be on 'The List?' Guests must be fictional characters from a movie, television show, or book who were featured in their respective form of pop culture as a dead man or dead woman. That means you can't have a guest who simply died in a movie, but one who appeared in the movie dead (ie as a dead body, as a ghost, as a zombie, as a vampire, as a spirit, etc.) Feel free to be creative with your list! And if you find yourself needing inspiration, feel free to listen to the above tune.

Hula Boy's Top Ten Songs in Movies

2008-09-26T18:33:00.000-04:00

This list was definitely too broad. Therefore, I did some editing of it, to make it actually feasible to put the list together. I limited it to only movies and only music that was relevant to the scene in the movie, not scores, or background songs, or anything like that. I feel like movie scores should be a future category in and of itself. So without further ado...

10. Back 2 The Future - Johnny B. Goode - LINK
I would have replaced this scene with the bike ride scene towards the end of 40 Year Old Virgin, where Asia's - Heat of the Moment is playing. I know that song isn't actually in the movie, but just prior they make reference to the song, or at least the band, in the famous "You Know How I Know You're Gay Scene."

But instead I included this scene from the great B2TF. I love how they didn't even attempt to make the vocals sound like Michael J. Fox. And everyone knows that he couldn't play the guitar either, it is just such an absurd scene.

9. Anchorman - Afternoon Delight - LINK
Do you really want to know what love is? It's really quite simple...Just click on the above link.

8. Bring It On - Cheerleader Cheer - LINK
This clip just sets the tempo for a great movie. I know I mentioned this movie on the earlier Guilty Pleasures post, so I had no shame in making yet another reference to the flick.

7. Reservoir Dogs - Stuck in the Middle with You - LINK
QT has a way with putting songs that you wouldn't think fit into particular scene, but it adds so much to the song. That is exactly the case here, which is the best scene from a great movie.

6. American Psycho - Hip To Be Square - LINK
Like the above scene, you wouldn't think that a Huey Lewis song would make a great counterpart to a vicious murder, but it is pulled off in this great scene. I love the pre-killing dialogue that involves the merits of Huey Lewis, but do take offense to Huey Lewis being compared to Elvis Costello. How dare Patrick Bateman. The only way this scene could have been better is if Christian Bale used the Batman voice for it.

5. Pee Wee's Big Adventure - Tequila - LINK
A great scene in a criminally underrated Tim Burton movie. This scene is epic, and the song coupled with the dance is too perfect.

4. Donnie Darko - Head Over Heels - LINK
It may be a little cheap to include this in my edited category. But the editing was clearly done with the song in mind, so that's how I clarify its inclusion. I think one of the things I enjoy most about this movie is the numerous music choices coupled with the scenes. The Killing Moon, Under the Milky Way, and this Tears for Fears song give the ideal '80s vibe and creepy vibe for the movie. I really thought Richard Kelly would be a phenomenal director after this movie, especially when I see the greatness of this one scene, which is edited to perfection. Unfortunately, that clearly is not the case. I even feel like both Jake Gyllenhaal and Jena Malone have not lived up the potential they showed in this movie.

3. South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut - What Would Brian Boitano Do? - LINK
This song is great, I know some would argue that it isn't even the best song from the movie, but this clip is phenomenal. I didn't realize that Trey and Matt were in a band, but their clips cut with actual Brian Boitano clips is hilarious. Good stuff.

2. Say Anything - In Your Eyes - LINK
I think is widely regarded as the best music scene in a movie. It's another epic scene that makes the entire movie. Plus, I just love John Cusack.

1. Boogie Nights - Transformers Theme Song - LINK
This song is merely the best scene from my favorite movie. It was difficult to choose between this and the Heat Wave track, but I did it nonetheless.

So, that's my list. With my clarifications, I left off the Moving In Stereo song that plays at the pool scene during Fast Times at Ridgemont High, that I felt was a must inclusion. But whatevs. I hope everyone enjoys this list, cuz I think its great.

That Is All
-Hula Boy

Josh's Top Music Scenes

2008-09-26T10:32:00.000-04:00

10. Superman Theme - Superman The Movie
The first time we see Christopher Reeve save someone as Superman is classic. It goes at the bottom of the list because devotees were probably predicting some kind of Superman theme reference in this post. Well, wish granted. I did not want to embed the entire 5 minute clip, so here is just the awesome part where Clark changes into Superman for the first time and the classic theme plays.

9. Opening Night - Curb Your Enthusiasm
When Mel Brooks asked Larry David to star in his musical "The Producers", who would've thought it could actually turn out OK? Larry sings the opening number to the show.

8. Scotty Doesn't Know - Euro Trip
This song is somewhat funny. The band leader serenades Scotty's (the main character) girlfriend while Scotty stands there and takes it like a bitch. Of course, the reason this clip is on the list and not a runner up is that the band leader is Matt Damon.

7. Heat of the Moment - South Park
South Park Studios describes this clip just fine: Cartman tries to persuade the government to revoke the ban on stem cell research and save Kenny's life. He moves all of Congress to sing along with him.

6. I Will Always Love You - Muppets Take Manhattan
For the life of me, I cannot remember what the context of this scene is. I just remember that it is a flashback perhaps? Regardless, Muppet babies are essentially the cutest thing ever.

5. Golden Years - A Knight's Tale
This is the first of two David Bowie songs on my list. In this clip from A Knight's Tale, the bad guy's plan to embarrass Heath Ledger by making him dance backfires drastically. Instead of being embarrassed and laughed out of the competition as this evil-doer hopes, Heath Ledger is able to show this medieval crowd two steps in a dance. Once they've learned those two steps, Ledger's girlfriend cues the band and the crowd goes wild. I'm assuming this is the only time they've ever had fun dancing, since that walking around in circles holding hands shit probably gets pretty boring. I also enjoy this scene because it gives a lot of credit to people from the past. They are able to embrace music that is a little before their time, as opposed to those stuck up high school kids in Back to the Future.

4. Can't Take My Eyes Off of You - 10 Things I Hate About You
Heath Ledger sings to Julia Stiles in their high school stadium. Really, I think the most ridiculous part is how big their football stadium is. I've seen similar sized professional stadiums. But I think most people can still relate. Who hasn't had to throw their dignity at the altar of Julia Stiles in order to win her back after not sleeping with her because she was drunk?

3. Chubby Fat Man - Extras
Depressed actor Andy Millman approaches one of his heroes, David Bowie. After relaying his woes to Bowie, the acclaimed song writer plays and writes a song on the spot for Millman. Unfortunately, I don't think it was much of a pick me up.

2. Day Man - It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
In this clip, Charlie has been kicked out of the band for writing what the rest of the band considers some kind of homo-erotic love song dedicated to the "Night Man." Luckily, Dennis is able to snap Charlie out of his trance, and together they create pop sensation "Day Man"

1. Total Eclipse of the Heart - Old School
The name of the band in this scene is "The Dan Band." Unfortunately, I couldn't find a clip which included them also singing "Lady" and yodeling. Nonetheless, their entire performance in Old School is classic.

Runners Up:

Pretty much every song from A Muppet Christmas Carol

"Silent Night" - Carol Singers: This is from probably one of the best scenes in Love Actually

Trouble - The Music Man

Dan's Top Movie Music

2008-09-26T01:09:00.000-04:00

I’d like to start off by saying that there were tons of picks that I had to push aside in order to make this list. I immediately came up with almost twenty choices which were difficult to pare down. I did not even manage to get into any television picks.

10. The Aviator: Toccata in Fugue in D Minor, J.S. Bach
Martin Scorcese has impeccable taste when it comes to choosing songs for his films. The scene in all of his films that has the most resonance with me is when Bach’s “Toccata in Fugue” is playing while Howard Hughes films Hell’s Angels. To think that Hughes actually got this many planes flying around him at once is amazing. Go to 5:14 in this clip to check out the scene.

9. There Will Be Blood: “Convergence,” by Jonny Greenwood
Jonny Greenwood of Radiohead fame composed one of the most original motion picture scores in years with his haunting soundtrack to There Will Be Blood. This song originally appeared in the 2003 documentary Bodysong, but Greenwood is able to adapt it perfectly to fit this scene and the rest of the movie’s score. His addition of violins to the original percussion ties it perfectly to the rest of the string-heavy soundtrack. The throbbing beats remind me of a heart, fitting for the explosion of black blood in this scene. The film also makes interesting use of Brahm’s “Violin Concerto in D Minor.”

Here's the original version of the song:

8. Rocky: “Gonna Fly Now (Theme from Rocky),” Composed by Bill Conti, lyrics by Carol Connors and Ayn Robbins, performed by DeEtta Little and Nelson Pigford
This is perhaps the most imitated montage sequence in cinema. Rocky running up the steps is so iconic they built a statue of it…of course it was technically built for Rocky III. Regardless, no visit to the Philadelphia Museum of Art is complete without running up those steps hearing this theme in your head.

7. (tie) The Jungle Book: “I Wanna Be Like You,” written by Richard M. Sherman and performed by Louis Prima
The Nightmare Before Christmas: “What’s This?” written and performed by Danny Elfman
I could not make this list without including a Disney song, and my favorites come from The Jungle Book and The Nightmare Before Christmas. Hearkening back to the story of Prometheus, “I Wanna Be Like You,” is about an animal’s desire to learn how to create fire in order to become human. Complaints have been made about racism in this song. I won’t argue that racist undertones can be seen, however I will offer a link to a video that shows the mannerisms of the orangutans based on singer Louis Prima and his band. The Nightmare Before Christmas has too many good songs to not be included on this list. “What’s This?” is my favorite of the lot. The song is catchy and his discovery of Christmas Town is fun.

Click Here for the footage of Louis Prima and his Band

6. Lawrence of Arabia, Original Music by Maurice Jarre
The soundtrack for this movie is one of the most influential in film history. Nowadays you can’t see an expansive shot of the desert without a knockoff of this score playing in the background. Epic.

5. Reservoir Dogs: “Stuck in the Middle With You,” Stealer’s Wheel
Quentin Tarantino has a knack for taking moderately obscure songs and placing them in a scene that makes them iconic (Come to think of it he has a tendency to do that with actors too). The lighthearted, poppy song makes a scene where a man gets his ear cut off seem even crazier and twisted then it already was.

4. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back: “The Asteroid Field,” John Williams
I had some difficulty picking one song from the Star Wars films to make my list. Over the course of six movies there has been a lot of great music. “The Asteroid Field” starts out with a powerful arrangement of the “Imperial March,” which is fun. It then becomes more frenetic as the Millennium Falcon enters the asteroid field. I found a version of this scene using only the music track. It’s kind of like watching a silent film!

Also for your viewing pleasure is “Yub Nub!”

3. Apocalypse Now: “The Ride of the Valkyries,” Richard Wagner
In this scene, Coppola shows the madness of war by having the characters treat Vietnam as if they were in a movie. Colonel Kilgore realizes the psychological impact this song will have on the villages’ inhabitants and he uses it to scare the shit out of them. Coppola amplifies the absurdity of the Vietnam war by infusing Kilgore with a completely mad John Wayne-style bravado.

2. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: “The Trio” composed by Ennio Morricone
Ennio Morricone defined modern Western music, with The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly his masterpiece. The score, along with fast-paced shots, make the tension in this scene palpable.

1. 2001: A Space Odyssey: “The Blue Danube,” Johann Strauss.
Although all of the space sequences in 2001 are good, and most set to Strauss, I chose the initial one because it has one of the greatest moments in cinema history. Inspired by the presence of a gigantic black monolith, primitive man picks up a bone and uses it as the first ever weapon. After using it to kill a rival caveman, he tosses the murder weapon into the air and the shot switches to that of a satellite in the year 2001. All of man’s technological progress summed up in two shots. Note: this video is several scenes combined, the one I’m highlighting only goes up to 4:04.

Runners-up to this list include the theme to Superman, “Man of Constant Sorrow,” from O Brother, Where Art Thou?, the opening narration to The Royal Tenenbaums set to an instrumental “Hey Jude,” the ending dance in Rushmore with “Ooh La La,” by the Faces playing., and the “Night on Bald Mountain” sequence from Fantasia.

This Week's Topic

2008-09-22T20:33:00.000-04:00

The topic is songs in movies and television. This can be any use of a song. That means it can be the score at a certain part of the film, or it can be a musical number or it can just be a song playing during the film. The one requirement is it has to be a specific scene with the song. For instance, "Star Wars Theme" does not qualify. It would have to be: Scene X where such and such happened and the imperial march was playing.

Hula Boy's Top Ten Restaurant's

2008-09-22T18:10:00.000-04:00

I wasn't quite sure how to put this list together, so I sort of broke it down into categories...

Best Fast Food Chain- Checkers
Checkers is awesome, it has burgers better than Wendy's and curly fries better than Arby's. This was a pretty easy selection, and I hope everyone else has had the chance to experience a Checkers, but am unsure of there locations, particularly in PA.

Best Steak Chain- The Palm
I've only been once, but it was phenomenal. In high school, I remember watching my boss eat at this place every single day for lunch, and that is what I aspire to.

Best Seafood Chain- McCormick and Schmick's
This might be my all time favorite restaurant and it only gets bonus points for me meeting former Oklahoma Senator and football player JC Watts at the place.

Best Burger Chain- Red Robin
For anyone that knows me, this was a pretty no brainer selection. I mean who can't go for a phenomenal burger and shake from RR?

Best Pub Chain- Fado's Irish Pub
I have discovered this pub chain in Chinatown here at DC, the spot of my local Pub Quiz on a weekly basis. The spot is a great hangout and the food is great for a bar.

Best Chinese Chain- PF Changs
I'll side with Big Ben on this one, and go along with his favorite Chinese Food place. I'm not sure if it is necessarily my favorite Chinese Food place, but there aren't many chains in the field.

Best Mexican Chain- Rio Grande
A limited chain existing in Maryland, DC, Virginia, Florida, and Texas this is George H. W. Bush's favorite restaurant and I've got to agree with the man. Awesome food.

Best Pizza Chain- Italian Village Pizza
Discovered in Pittsburgh, this place is great, and I am already missing a solid pizza chain place that isn't the suckage of Pizza Hut, Dominos, or Papa Johns.

Best Dessert Chain- Cheesecake Factory
I'll admit the food isn't the best, especially for the price. But the cheesecake is to die for...

Best Coffee Chain - Starbucks
Why not? It truly is a chain...around the world.

Til Next Week
Hula Boy

Josh's Top Ten Chain Restaurants

2008-09-21T14:27:00.001-04:00

10. Chinese Buffets
These probably are not technically chains, but they go on here anyway. I consider myself quite the ~~unfortunate and sad~~ chinese buffet conoseur. Almost every single one of these establishments has food that tastes exactly the same. Some even have the same furniture. That is close enough to a chain for me.

9. Panera
The food here is pretty good. However, it ranked low for three reasons. One: consistency. I only really order one sandwich at Panera, and it is quite delicious. However, the construction of that sandwich varies a ridiculous amount. Often, it is the perfect amount of meat, lettuce and sauce. But I would say about 40% of the time there is either wayyy too much meat, way too little meat, no lettuce, too much tomato, not enough sauce, or it is on completely different bread. I don't want the sandwiches to be pre-made, but a little consistency would be nice. Two: selection. Like I said, there is only really one sandwich and a couple of soups that I eat here. Everything else is kind of "meh." I find that there are a lot of people with this opinion. Not that they eat the same items I do, but that they only like a small handful of items, as opposed to somewhere like TGI Friday's or Cheesecake Factory, where I like almost everything on the menu. Three: service. Due to their silly separate counter for bakery items, not all registers are utilized during peak times. This occasionally makes them very slow.

8. Bagel Factory
I did not even realize these were chains until I saw it on Dan's list. Too many fond memories of over-priced omelletes followed by overstuffed stomachs and trips to the comic store for this restaurant to not make the list.

7. TGI Friday's
I have always enjoyed the food at Friday's. However, it has been a while since the days of 3 for 12.99, which was the best thing ever.

6. Red Robin
Burgers + Unlimited fries + milkshakes = awesome. It's as simple as that my friends.

5. Dairy Queen
In the words of my evidence professor:

Dairy Queen is proof that god exists.

4. Cheesecake Factory
The only down side to this restaurant is their ridiculous "we don't take call aheads/reservations" policy. Seriously, that's it. Everything else is amazing.

3. Qdoba
As Dan said, this blows Chipotle out of the water due to its infinitely larger selection. Also, the queso sauce is amazing, even if my heart does not agree.

2. International House of Pancakes
This restaurant is conspicuously missing in Western PA. It is a great, quick cheap place to go for breakfast at all sorts of hours.

1. Rita's
This is a throwback to everyone from Pennsylvania and a few other East Coast states. Everyone else, you don't know what you're missing. Rita's (formerly Rita's Water Ice) is not Italian ice. It isn't ice cream. It is some sort of magical combination of amazingness straight from Mt. Olympus. Describing it is damn near impossible. Eating it is beyond enjoyable.

Runners Up:
Planet Hollywood
Outback Steakhouse

Karyn's Favorite Chain Restaurants

2008-09-21T11:20:00.000-04:00

10. McDonald's
Now, I don't go to McDonald's very often, but whenever I'm overseas, it's the only place I want to eat. I'm pretty sure I've eaten at McDonald's in 20 different countries throughout Europe, Asia, and the Pacific. It's just comforting to be able to have something familiar when you're thousands of miles away from home and don't want to sample the local delicacy of dog's head on a stick. Plus, you can always find a new, interesting meal item in a foreign McDonald's, such as broccoli nuggets in the Czech Republic or the 2000 calorie "Boss" in New Zealand.

9. Dave and Buster's
This one is for the ambiance, as it is no longer acceptable for me to frequent Chuck E. Cheese's without being branded a pedophile. The food's pretty good though, and it's one of my favorite places to play pool.

8. Donato's
I'm not a big fan of pizza, but I love Donato's. The white vegetable pizza with chicken on thin crust is delicious.

7. Outback
If you want a decent steak from a chain at a reasonable price, then this is the place to go. I was a huge fan of the Cyclone Pasta, until they took it off the menu this year...bastards. The Bloomin' Onion is a calorie nightmare, but well worth the splurge.

6. Sheetz
I know Sheetz isn't technically a restaurant, but it's a great place to stop for a quick bite if you're on a long drive or just plain drunk. The Club Pretzel Melt is one of the best things I've ever eaten, and who doesn't enjoy saying the word "Shmuffin"?

5. Bennigan's
Oh, Bennigan's...my heart broke when I heard that they had declared bankruptcy earlier this year and that most of their restaurants were closing (including all Ohio locations). Where else can you enjoy a sandwich as delicious as the Monte Cristo (which one blogger has described as "a coronary wrapped inside a stroke, wrapped inside a diabetic seizure")? Mad props also go out to the Southwest Sampler and the Turkey O'Toole sandwich. Bennigan's has become my Holy Grail of dining...if anyone knows of one close by that's still open, let me know!

4. Buca di Beppo
In my opinion, the best Italian chain of all time. I know this makes me sound like a fatty, but the chicken marsala is to die for. Buca di Beppo is also home to the greatest dining experience in the world - the Pope room. Nothing like a giant lazy susan table with good ol' Pope John Paul II's head sitting smack in the middle. While playing ball at CSU, I made sure that we ate at Buca di Beppo's and got that table during every trip to Chicago for four years. It was the biggest accomplishment of my career.

3. Champp's
No, it's not the sporting goods store. Champp's will always hold a special place in my heart because I used to work there as a waitress, but the food is really great, especially the Walnut Crusted Chicken. They have recently changed their plate ware from circles to squares, which, as we all know, means one step closer to a five star dining experience.

2. The Cheesecake Factory
The Cheesecake Factory represents everything that is wrong with America, but at the same time, everything that is so right. Their menu can be described as nothing short of epic, clocking in at approximately 25 pages (granted, there are a lot of ads), and they offer at least 20 different types of cheesecake, not to mention the fact that there are two kinds of free bread - white AND brown! I highly recommend the Navajo sandwich and the Spicy Chicken Chipotle Pasta.

1. Taco Bell
Taco Bell is my lifeline, which is kind of ironic because I used to hate it as a kid. I almost died when I found out that the nearest one was a 30 minute drive away from grad school. However, I still managed to make the trip up there more often than what is considered healthy/normal. I think I could write pages about my love for this place, but I won't. You're welcome.

Thanks for letting me guest post, guys!

Dan's in a Chain Restaurant Gang

2008-09-19T15:13:00.000-04:00

10. Arby’s: I usually feel a little ill after I eat Arby’s, but you can’t pass up that 5 for $5.95 deal. I will usually disregard my health and safety in order to cram down that last curly fry or apple turnover.

9. Bagel Factory: I have many fond memories of Sunday afternoons spent at the Squirrel Hill Bagel Factory followed inevitably by a trip to a comic book store. One thing to watch out for: omelet prices are based on add-ins, and can often skyrocket.

8. Quizno’s: Quizno’s is superior to Subway in almost every way. Their sandwiches are not as bland and are much more creative than comparable ones from Subway. You also don’t smell like ass after leaving a Quizno’s like you would at a Subway.

7. Qdoba: Qdoba wins over Chipotle based on its wider selection of gigantic burritos. Their food often helps cut calories too since one meal at Qdoba usually causes one to skip their next few meals.

6. Wendy’s: This is my favorite restaurant in the McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy’s trio. I usually stick to the Spicy Chicken Sandwich although the burgers are fine too. The Frosty’s are popular, some people even dip their fries in it…not for me. The Wendy’s on Center Ave. in Pittsburgh also provides evening entertainment in the form of crazy old regulars. Toupee Man, Heroin Addict, Hair Plugs, and others all make nightly appearances!

5 Boston Market: The chicken isn’t always the best, but the sides are always wonderful. Nothing beats Boston Market’s sweet potatoes!

4. Panera Bread: I enjoy Panera, even though it is always crowded. There is nothing as satisfying as eating their chicken and wild rice soup in a bread bowl. I am also a big fan of their portobello and mozzarella panini.

3. Bravo! Cucina Italiana: Although I’m usually a little leery of restaurants that think they are classier than they actually are (I’m looking at you Cheesecake Factory), I can’t deny the great taste of Bravo’s food. I’ve never been disappointed with a meal there, with the highlight always being the delicious focaccia bread. The décor, other than the ridiculous pillars, also refrains from being too over-the-top.

2. Red Robin: I am always much more satisfied with Red Robin than I am with its main competitors: Applebees, TGI Fridays, and Ruby Tuesday. The menu offers a variety of gourmet burgers (pink or no pink?) and bottomless beverages. Replicate Red Robin seasoning at home: http://www.bigoven.com/161088-Red-Robin-Seasoning-for-French-Fries-recipe.html

1. Taco Bell: I often accuse Taco Bell of putting the same brown gloop in every tortilla, but that doesn’t mean I love it any less. Meals are insanely cheap and the menu is full of fictional Mexican style food.

I would like to also welcome Karyn, who helped come up with this topic and will be providing a guest post.

Next Topic

2008-09-15T21:59:00.000-04:00

Our next topic will be "Top 10 Chain Restaurants." These can include fast food, sit-down, or any other variety of restaurant franchise. However, you cannot pick small, independent restaurants. I think it's funnier to choose between a Taco Bell and an Arby's without throwing genuinely original and delicious restaurants like Fuel & Fuddle into the mix.

Dan's Superhero Society of Justice

2008-09-15T19:41:00.000-04:00

10) Eric Dane as Captain Marvel

I thought that the actor who played Multiple Man in X-Men the Last Stand looked a lot like Captain Marvel. Turns out audiences know Eric Dane better for his role in Grey’s Anatomy. Because of this, I did not rank him as high as originally planned.

9) Matthew Fox as Mark Trail

I thought about putting Matthew Fox as Cyclops, but thought better of it. Cyclops, my favorite X-Man, deserves more than the uninspired performance I’m sure Matthew Fox would deliver. However, his dull style would fit perfectly as the lesson-teaching, nature-hiking Mark Trail.

8) Paul Bettany as Booster Gold

Booster Gold is a second-tier DC hero, but a great movie can be constructed around the character. Booster is a shallow, showboating, unremarkable citizen of the future who travels back in time so that he can use future technologies in order to be a hero. Paul Bettany’s comedic portrayal of Geoffrey Chaucer in A Knight’s Tale is suitable for this hero. His lack of a traditional muscular physique would also underscore Booster Gold’s reliance on technology over natural ability.

7) Bob Hoskins as the Penguin

I thought this was a brilliant casting idea, and apparently, a lot of the internet does too. Rumors have circulated since the release of Batman Begins that Hoskins might play the monocled villain.

6) Daniel Craig as Captain America

If he can sort out the whole not being American thing, Daniel Craig would make a badass Captain America. He may not have the traditional good looks of the Cap’n, but who gives a shit about that if the movie is good?

5) Michael Keaton as Carnage

Michael Keaton can play crazy (see Beetlejuice), and is no stranger to superhero roles (see Batman). Although a little old, Keaton would be interesting as a serial killer who uses the power of the symbiote to wreak havoc on New York City.

4) Shannyn Sossaman as Catwoman

Another veteran of A Knight’s Tale, Shannyn Sossaman has the sultry, sex appeal necessary to pull of Catwoman. Who wouldn’t want to see her in skintight leather?

3) Steve Buscemi as Mysterio

Mysterio is a special effects wizard who uses illusions and technology to battle Spider-Man. Steve Buscemi wins out because his voice would be awesome coming out of that crystal ball, and because physical strength is not a prerequisite for this role.

2) Jim Caviezel as Green Lantern

There are many Green Lanterns, but Hal Jordan is widely considered to be the best. Jim Caviezel had many internet fanboy aflutter over the idea of him playing Superman. I believe that he would make an even better Green Lantern. He has superhero experience (The Passion of the Christ) which would help bring realism to the idea of a peace officer from space.

1) Leonardo DiCaprio as Black Mask

I would not be surprised to see this villain turn up in the next Batman film. In the past decade Black Mask has become one of Batman’s and Bruce Wayne’s greatest foes. Following the suspicious death of Roman Sionis’ parents, he drives their makeup company into the ground. Vengeful of a Wayne Industries buyout of the company, Sionis carves a mask out his mother’s ebony coffin and begins killing Wayne Industries employees. The mask becomes permanently burned onto his face following a fight with Batman. Eventually, Black Mask becomes Gotham’s most dangerous crime lord. Sionis was raised as a family friend to Bruce Wayne, so DiCaprio fits the necessary age range. DiCaprio is also a talented actor who can effectively carry the torch left by Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight.

Josh's Superhero Casting Call

2008-09-15T19:18:00.000-04:00

This list was very tough to put together. The rankings are in no particular order.

10. Zooey Deschanel as Ramona Flowers

For those of you unfamiliar with the amazing comic Scott Pilgrim you should be ashamed of yourself. Wikipedia perfectly sums up who Ramona Flowers is:

Ramona Victoria Flowers: Main love interest. Amazon.ca delivery girl. 24 years old. She reveals very little about her past in New York before she moved to Toronto. Is capable of traveling through subspace. Has seven evil exes. Changes her hairstyle a lot. Her birthday is January 1.

Currently there are rumors that Mary Elizabeth Winstead will be playing Flowers in the upcoming movie opposite Mikey Cera.

Zooey's performances in Hitchiker's Guide and Elf show us that she can be goofy and fun. For Ramona I think that is critical. Ramona needs to be that perfect blend between super sweet love interest of Scott Pilgrim, and the girl with seven evil exes that carries a big baseball bat and travels through sub-space. Of course, the only one capable of that blend is Zooey.

9. Nathan Fillion as Hal Jordan

Nathan Fillion, renowned for his portrayals of Mal Reynolds and Captain Hammer, needs to be in way more movies. He has the great mix of charm and sass and adorableness perfect for an average fighter pilot that has greatness thrust upon him.

8. Ricky Gervais as The Riddler

I think the Riddler should be a lighter character. He doesn't need to be Ledger's Joker but with riddles. Ricky Gervais would bring his classic snarkiness and sharp wit to a character much in need of a resurrection.

7.Lena Headey as Wonder Woman

This girl knows how to kick ass as Sarah Connor, and be regal as Queen Gorgo. Also, she is very attractive. Who else to kick ass as an Amazonian princess in a ridiculously revealing outfit?

6. A No Name as Captain Marvel

Similar to the Superman franchise, Captain Marvel needs an unknown actor to come in make the role his own. It can't be someone that we already know as another character. This would be the first major Captain Marvel film, and it needs to come out swinging.

5. Michael Cera as Billy Batson

While the actual Captain needs to be a no name with no acting baggage, I think Billy Batson is something different. Michael Cera would be great for that role. While he may be a little old, I think he can play off a younger character. He is slightly nerdy and awkward, not to mention charming. He is exactly what Billy Batson is all about. Just some normal kid, given god-like powers.

4. Justin Long as Mark Grayson

Invincible is another comic where, if you're not reading it, you should be. Seriously, stop reading this, and go buy it right now. Give it at least two full trades before judging. You'll thank me later. Without giving too much away, Invincible is about Mark Grayson, son of a Superman-like superhero. He discovers around the age of 18 that he also has these powers. Justin Long's quick-talking smart-ass attitude is perfect for this more modern day superhero.

3. Felicia Day as Atom Eve

In Invincible, Mark Grayson's super-heroine counterpart is Atom Eve. Wikipedia explains Atom Eve's Dr. Manhattan-like powers:

Atom Eve is able to manipulate matter at the sub-atomic level by sheer will power. Organic and inorganic matter can be changed into anything she desires. She can augment normally unhealthy food such as cakes and other sweets into nutritious foods as well as re-arrange the environment. Her costume is easily created by altering her clothes to fashion her Atom Eve suit. She can also fly by lowering the density of the air around her as well as creating force fields.

Felicia Day, star of The Guild and Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along Blog would bring her unique style to this interesting character. Eve, we find out later in the series, is actually quite in love with Mark Grayson. Nonetheless, she gives up the superhero life to help humanity in other ways. I think it would be interesting to see Day in a feature role, especially something so different from the roles she has done before. Also, they are both red heads so it works out nicely.

2. David Zayas as Agent Greer

In The Surrogates, Agent Greer is a police detective that stops using his surrogate and decides to start policing as himself. The surrogates are robots that everyone in the futuristic world use to interact with the outside world, while they remain in their homes, plugged in to the surrogates. Currently, Bruce Willis is cast as Agent Greer. However, I think Zayas (Angel Batista in Dexter) would be a much better fit. Greer is supposed to be an every day detective. Willis has too much of an action star aura to successfully pull it off, while Zayas has the gritty feel of a real cop. Also, my apologies for the picture. There aren't many images of Greer. He is in the top left of the picture above.

1. Charlie Cox as Yorick Brown

In Y: The Last Man Yorick Brown is the last man on Earth. He is a twenty to thirty year old struggling amateur escape artist that ends up being the only man to survive a plague. Cox came to my attention after starring as Tristan in Stardust. I think he was pretty damn good in that. Again, I think a lesser known star would work out quite well with this role, and Cox seems to have the ability to pull off the look and swagger of Yorick.

Hula Boy's Top Ten Superhero Casting Decisions

2008-09-12T03:01:00.000-04:00

10. Shirley Manson as Harley Quinn

Shirley Manson, lead singer of Garbage and recent addition to the Sarah Connor Chronicles, is reportedly one crazy women, which is just the right trait needed for a Harley Quinn actress. She has also been known to wear excessive makeup, somewhat resembling Harley Quinn. I feel like this is a perfect fit, now only if we could somehow bring Heath back to play the Joker so HQ could be added as a character in the next Batman movie.

9. Bruce Campbell as Green Lantern

I know Bruce Campbell is a little too old for the role, but he definitely has the chin for the role. And since I’m not sure how a Green Lantern movie could be done without making it a little over the top, I’m not sure there would be a better actor suited for that role. Also, Campbell has already made his mark with a great superhero ring scene (the Peter Parker marriage proposal scene), so why not give him a crack with another, more powerful ring?

8. Zooey Deschanel as Squirrel Girl

Squirrel Girl, a little known heroine originating in the Iron Man comics, would make a great character addition to the next Iron Man movie. I could think of no better actress, than Zooey, to play the cute love interest that would complete the triangle between Tony Stark and Pepper Potts. I think this selection deserves points for creativity.

7. Ryan Reynolds as Flash

Ryan Reynolds has long been rumored to star in a worthy comic book adaptation, ever since his shameful appearance in Blade Trinity. I originally felt he would have been perfect for the 'Merc with a Smirk' aka Deadpool, until upon some research found out that this was actually a real casting decision (which is too cool.) So, I had to switch some things up and wanted to give some love to my favorite DC big, who is in need of a movie appearance.

6. Anthony Michael Hall as The Riddler

There are rumors that Hall's character will be spun off into The Riddler for the third Batman movie. But there are also rumors that Johnny Depp may play the character once butchered by Jim Carrey. Well, count this as my official vote for The Riddler. I think the former Breakfast Cluber deserves more roles and would love to see his role in Dark Knight expanded upon.

5. Michael C. Scott as Daredevil

I'm a huge Daredevil fan, which may be due to his day job. And while I feel like Ben Affleck's portrayal of the character wasn't too shabby, the movie sucked and the character should be resurrected for a second attempt at a character who should translate well to the big screen. The devious and sly Dexter would seem like the perfect fit, plus he looks the part too.

4. Sarah Michelle Gellar as Ms. Marvel

Ms. Marvel is a pretty underrated character, and my favorite female superhero from a pretty poor selection. I think her mythology would play well on film and Sarah Michelle would be the perfect actress for the part. Her role as Buffy would obviously qualify her for the physical aspects. I also feel like this is the right spot to mention my hatred of Wonder Woman.

3. Liam Neeson as Dr. Strange

Another personal favorite character of mine is Dr. Strange. His stuff is the perfect blend of sci-fi, fantasy, and superhero. The historical aspect of his character is also pretty cool, and a medieval time period for the character would make for an awesome movie in my opinion (think 1602ish). One of the great actors for this part and any part would have to be Liam Neeson, who could grow the ideal facial hair for the role.

2. Arnold Schwarzenegger/Roland Kickinger as Thor

Thor is a pretty lame character. But Arnold in any movie is awesome. Therefore Arnold as Thor would be awesome. Really, I just feel like we need to put the Governator into the Marvel universe somehow, and Thor could be that character. It is a shame this hasn't been done already, but thanks to the technology being rumored about in Terminator Salvation, maybe we could see the pair Roland Kickinger and Arnold play the Norse hero in a superhero movie.

1. Johnny Depp as Sandman

Johnny Depp is definitely one of the best actors working today (right there with Leo and Phillip Seymour Hoffman), so I feel like it's essential to bring him into the superhero fold. What better way to do this than in one of the most epic superhero stories of all time, Sandman? The role seems perfect for the quirky actor who likes weird projects, and played a similar looking character in Edward Scissorhands. A Neil Gaiman scripted, Tim Burton directed, Johnny Depp starring Sandman would be incredible. Somebody needs to make this happen. NOW!

I thought this topic was a blast, maybe that's just because I made it up. I created it with the intent of thinking of the proper Captain America, since he is my fave character, but I really couldn't think of anyone to play that role. I'm not sure there is an actor working today with the proper acting chops and build to play the part. What I do know is John Malkovich would be the perfect Red Skull. Also, I'd like to think I was pretty fair with my DC/Marvel split, with a 4-6 mark. Anyways, I hope the other posters had as much fun as I with this category.

Next Week on Top10x4...

2008-09-09T20:22:00.001-04:00

With rumors circulating that Will Smith may or may not be in the works to star as Captain America, I've decided to pose the question to our panel of experts, what actors would you like to see posing as superheros in the near future. With superhero movies being such a recent hit, it's only a matter of time before every superhero property is translated to the big screen, and now is your chance to throw out your suggestions. Therefore, this week's topic will be your Top 10 Hypothetical Superhero Casting Choices. You cannot choose an actual casting choice (ie Christian Bale as Batman or Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man) but feel free to use actors or superheros that have already been cast (ie Robert Downey Jr. as Batman). Let the fun begin...

Hula Boy's Top Ten Speeches

2008-09-09T19:17:00.000-04:00

10. Dr. Sam Loomis - Halloween

"I met him fifteen years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no, uh, conscience, no understanding and even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, of good or evil, right or wrong. I met this six year old child with this blind, pale, emotionless face, and the blackest eyes, the devil's eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized that what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply evil..."

One of the more scary speeches imaginable, an eerie description of a serial killer, overacted with glee by Donald Pleasence.

9. Lester Burnham - American Beauty

"I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time... For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars... And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined my street... Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper... And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird... And Janie... And Janie... And... Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday."

This monologue from quite possibly my favorite movie gives me goosebumps every time.

8. Carl Spackler - The Dalai Lama Speech

"So I jump ship in Hong Kong and I make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over there in the Himalayas...A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one -- big hitter, the Lama -- long, into a ten-thousand foot crevice, right at the base of this glacier. And do you know what the Lama says?... Gunga galunga...gunga -- gunga galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say: 'Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little somethin', you know, for the effort, you know.' And he says: 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."

This speech cracks me up each and every time. I wish I had something like that "goin' for me."

7. Coach Riley - The Gordon Bombay Dis Speech

Why'd you turn against me, Gordon? For six years, I taughtcha how to skate, I taughtcha how to score, I taughtcha how to go for the "W". You could have been one of the greats! An' now look at yourself. You're not even a has-been. You're a never-was.

A haunting, haunting speech. One which I hope is never delivered to me. Plus it is from Mighty Ducks.

6. Knute Rockne - Win One For the Gipper Speech

"Well, boys, I haven't a thing to say.
Played a great game -- all of you. Great game.
I guess we just can't expect to win ‘em all.
I'm going to tell you something I've kept to myself for years. None of you ever knew George Gipp. It was long before your time. But you all know what a tradition he is at Notre Dame.
And the last thing he said to me, "Rock," he said, "sometime, when the team is up against it, and the breaks are beating the boys, tell 'em to go out there with all they got and win just one for the Gipper."
I don't know where I'll be then, Rock", he said, "but I'll know about it; and I'll be happy."

The ultimate sport pump up speech.

5. Bluto - It's Not Over

"Over? Did you say 'over'? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!...What the f--k happened to the Delta I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? 'Ooh, we're afraid to go with you, Bluto, we might get in trouble.' Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer..."

The ultimate pump up speech for whenever you're down.

4. Hamlet - To Be Or Not To Be

"To be, or not to be: that is the question;
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life..."

The ultimate question in life...

3. Atticus Finch - The Great Leveler

"Now, gentlemen, in this country our courts are the great levelers. In our courts, all men are created equal. I'm no idealist to believe firmly in the integrity of our courts and of our jury system. That's no ideal to me. That is a living, working reality!

Now I am confident that you gentlemen will review without passion the evidence that you have heard, come to a decision, and restore this man to his family.

In the name of God, do your duty. In the name of God, believe Tom Robinson."

The greatest words put to paper.

2. Martin Luther King, Jr. - I Have A Dream

http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/mlkihaveadream.htm

The most powerful speech ever delivered.

1. Lou Gehrig - Luckiest Man

I have been walking on ball fields for 16 years, and I've never received anything but kindness and encouragement from you fans. I have had the great honor to have played with these great veteran ballplayers on my left -- Murderers Row, our championship team of 1927.

I have had the further honor of living with and playing with these men on my right -- the Bronx Bombers, the Yankees of today.

I have been given fame and undeserved praise by the boys up there behind the wire in the press box -- my friends, the sports writers. I have worked under the two greatest managers of all time, Miller Huggins and Joe McCarthy.

I have a mother and father who fought to give me health and a solid background in my youth.

I have a wife, a companion for life,who has shown me more courage than I ever knew.

People all say that I've had a bad break.

But today -- today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.

Just plain chilling...

This list was pretty difficult to put together, and I feel very uneducated for knowing fewer than a half dozen real life speeches that I would have posted here. I didn't want to put anything political.

Anyways, Hula Boy Out

Josh's Top Speeches/Monologues

2008-09-08T09:04:00.000-04:00

After reading back over this list, I realized that I got a little crazy with the political speeches and topics like liberty and justice. Oh well. A somewhat serious post now and again is still enjoyable. Also, this list took me forever because Dan stole several of my choices.

10. Looking Back with Wonder
At the end of "The Wonder Years" adult Kevin muses over the way things turn out. Things change, people move on, and it doesn't always turn out the way you expected. The speech is a bit long, but you can read it here.

9. President Bartlett Kicks Butt
This speech is number nine because I've used it on this blog before. Here, President Bartlett puts a conservative talk radio host in her place. It is also an interesting discussion of the applicability of direct biblical quotes on 21st century life.

8. Will Elrond Let Man Fall?
Dan took the most epic speech in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. However, this monologue by Galadriel is also inspiring, albeit in a different way. Galadriel lays the full situation of the war against Sauron and Saruman at Elrond's feet. Man will fall without the help of the elves. Will Elrond let them?

The power of the enemy is growing. Sauron will use his puppet Saruman to destroy the people of Rohan. Isengard has been unleashed. The Eye of Sauron now turns to Gondor. The last free kingdom of men. His war on this country will come swiftly. He senses the ring is close. The strength of the ringbearer is failing. In his heart, Frodo begins to understand. The quest will claim his life. You know this. You have foreseen it. It is the risk we all took. In the gathering dark, the will of the ring grows strong. It works hard now to find its way back into the hands of men. Men, who are so easily seduced by its power. The young captain of Gondor has but to extend his hand to take the ring for his own and the world will fall. He is close now, so close to achieving his goal. For Sauron will have dominion over all life on this Earth, even until the ending of the world. The time of the elves is over. Do we leave Middle Earth to this fate? Do we let them stand alone?

7. Letters from the battlefield
In the third season of "South Park" the boys attend a civil war re-enactment. After placing a bet that he can change the outcome of the civil war, Cartman shows up to play General Lee. During the episode, Cartman sends two letters from the battlefront. The first really captures the feeling on the battlefront during the civil war. The second later is an eloquent tribute to a brave fallen soldier.

Dear guys.

Words cannot express how much I hate you guys. As we fight our way northward into the great unknown, only that one thing remains certain: that I hate you guys with every tired muscle in my Confederate body. We have taken Topeka, and now I must lolly the men over to Missouri. Because I will not stop until we have won it all, and you guys are my slaves. Because, I hate you guys. I hate you guys so very very much.

Yours,
General Cartman Lee

Dear Ms. McCormick

It is with a very heavy heart that I must inform you that your son Kenny was killed in battle on the morning of November 18, at Ruby Hills Funland in Chattanooga. This war has taken something from all of us, and, although your son seems to be the only casualty so far, know that we all share your pain. Your son did not die in vain. I shall persevere and make Stan and Kyle my slaves. Because I hate those guys. I hate them so very very much.

Yours,
General Cartman Lee

6. Tell us everything!
This monologue from "Goonies" captures the hidden guilts of children everywhere. Enough said.

5. Asking America Questions
In Kennedy's famous inaugural address, he did more than instruct us to "ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country." He called upon the then young generation of Americans to stand up and fight against the enemies of man. The words are just as accurate today.

In your hands, my fellow citizens, more than mine, will rest the final success or failure of our course. Since this country was founded, each generation of Americans has been summoned to give testimony to its national loyalty. The graves of young Americans who answered the call to service surround the globe.

Now the trumpet summons us again -- not as a call to bear arms, though arms we need -- not as a call to battle, though embattled we are -- but a call to bear the burden of a long twilight struggle, year in and year out, "rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation,"² a struggle against the common enemies of man: tyranny, poverty, disease, and war itself.

4. Meat Wagon
Tommy Callahan in this moving sales pitch explains the importance of buying quality products.

3. I Know Why You Did It
Moving words. A bit heavy handed, but how heavy handed does a government have to get before you would stand up to it? Definitely a tough question.

2. If This Is Your Army, Why Does it Flee?
What is a life worth, if it is a life of bondage?

1. Free speech
President Shepherd, in the movie "The American President" delivers a powerful speech about a number of things, including free speech. I didn't embed the speech, but I really enjoy this description of free speech.

America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You've gotta want it bad, 'cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say, "You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center-stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours. You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country cannot just be a flag. The symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Now show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then, you can stand up and sing about the land of the free.

Dan's Fave Speeches/Monologues

2008-09-05T14:47:00.000-04:00

I chose only fictional speeches for this list because I felt it was kind of silly placing them alongside actual addresses.

10) Dwight Schrute, The Office: Because the entire episode revolves around his fear of speaking at the Northeastern Pennsylvania Salesman of the Year Awards, Dwight’s speech is very much a speech about speeches. He brings the speaking style of the totalitarian regimes of the thirties into the modern, eastern Pennsylvanian workplace.

9) Klaatu, The Day the Earth Stood Still: SPOILERS Klaatu offers an ultimatum to Earth: Exist in peace with the other inhabitants of the universe, or be destroyed by robots.

8) Daniel Plainview, There Will Be Blood: Daniel delivers a “simple blessing” to his oil derrick. This speech is notable for what it does not contain, subjection to Eli Sunday’s church. The look on Eli’s face as he realizes Daniel has screwed him over is priceless.

http://americanrhetoric.com/MovieSpeeches/moviespeechtherewillbebloodmaryswell.html

7) Roy, Blade Runner: SPOILERS At the end of the movie, Roy chases Deckard to the edge of a rooftop. However, instead of killing him Roy laments the tragedy of his own impending death. Roy has had experiences that humans cannot comprehend, experiences that have made him superior to humans. Yet, he is the one who is persecuted by the Blade Runners.

6) (TIE) Bill, Kill Bill Vol. 2; The Joker, The Dark Knight: I put these together because they are both very much about comic books, and I love comic books. Bill gives a lecture on Superman worthy of a scholarly paper. With the Joker, this is the closest we get to seeing what makes him tick. He declares himself an agent of chaos on a mission to disrupt the “plans” that people take as everyday fact.

http://www.monkeybriefs.com/view/video/Dark-Knight-clip-|-Harvey-Dent-&-Joker-|-Hospital-Scene_2595.html

5) (TIE) President Whitmore, Independence Day; Aragorn, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King: These two speeches show leaders rallying their troops for battle. Both of these battles are fought against terrible evils, and the survival of all mankind hangs in the balance. Aragorn and President Whitmore rise to the challenge with their inspirational rhetoric.

4) Quint, Jaws: Quint’s story about sharks attacking survivors of the USS Indianapolis is the scariest thing in the whole movie. I think his monologue makes sharks more frightening then the mechanical one ever did.

3) Atticus Finch, To Kill a Mockingbird: Atticus (Gregory Peck) gives an impassioned argument for the rights of the black defendant and the duty of the courts to provide justice in regard to fact, rather than skin color.

2) Lady Macbeth, Macbeth (I.v.36-52): This monologue shows the determination Lady Macbeth has for the crown. Whereas her husband is weak and vacillating, the Lady is willing to do whatever it takes. She even rejects her womanhood in order to perform the necessary violence.

The raven himself is hoarse
That croaks the fatal entrance of Duncan
Under my battlements. Come, you spirits
That tend on mortal thoughts! unsex me here,
And fill me from the crown to the toe top full
Of direst cruelty; make thick my blood,
Stop up the access and passage to remorse,
That no compunctious visitings of nature
Shake my fell purpose, nor keep peace between
The effect and it! Come to my woman’s breasts,
And take my milk for gall, you murdering ministers,
Wherever in your sightless substances
You wait on nature’s mischief! Come, thick night,
And pall thee in the dunnest smoke of hell,
That my keen knife see not the wound it makes,
Nor heaven peep through the blanket of the dark,
To cry, ‘Hold, hold!’

1) Satan, Book IV Paradise Lost: Here Milton shows the psychological depth that he has created for the character of Satan. He portrays Satan as a tormented genius, alone among the fallen angels in being able to understand fully what their banishment means. He knows that Hell is actually a place within himself, and that his pride would never allow him to reclaim his spot at God’s side. Milton presents a complicated view of free will: Satan wishes that God had not given him the ability to choose between evil and good. This is great stuff!

O thou that with surpassing Glory crownd,
Look'st from thy sole Dominion like the God
Of this new World; at whose sight all the Starrs
Hide thir diminisht heads; to thee I call, [ 35 ]
But with no friendly voice, and add thy name
O Sun, to tell thee how I hate thy beams
That bring to my remembrance from what state
I fell, how glorious once above thy Spheare;
Till Pride and worse Ambition threw me down [ 40 ]
Warring in Heav'n against Heav'ns matchless King:
Ah wherefore! he deservd no such return
From me, whom he created what I was
In that bright eminence, and with his good
Upbraided none; nor was his service hard. [ 45 ]
What could be less then to afford him praise,
The easiest recompence, and pay him thanks,
How due! yet all his good prov'd ill in me,
And wrought but malice; lifted up so high
I sdeind subjection, and thought one step higher [ 50 ]
Would set me highest, and in a moment quit
The debt immense of endless gratitude,
So burthensome, still paying, still to ow;
Forgetful what from him I still receivd,
And understood not that a grateful mind [ 55 ]
By owing owes not, but still pays, at once
Indebted and dischargd; what burden then?
O had his powerful Destiny ordaind
Me some inferiour Angel, I had stood
Then happie; no unbounded hope had rais'd [ 60 ]
Ambition. Yet why not? som other Power
As great might have aspir'd, and me though mean
Drawn to his part; but other Powers as great
Fell not, but stand unshak'n, from within
Or from without, to all temptations arm'd. [ 65 ]
Hadst thou the same free Will and Power to stand?
Thou hadst: whom hast thou then or what to accuse,
But Heav'ns free Love dealt equally to all?
Be then his Love accurst, since love or hate,
To me alike, it deals eternal woe. [ 70 ]
Nay curs'd be thou; since against his thy will
Chose freely what it now so justly rues.
Me miserable! which way shall I flie
Infinite wrauth, and infinite despaire?
Which way I flie is Hell; my self am Hell; [ 75 ]
And in the lowest deep a lower deep
Still threatning to devour me opens wide,
To which the Hell I suffer seems a Heav'n.
O then at last relent: is there no place
Left for Repentance, none for Pardon left? [ 80 ]
None left but by submission; and that word
Disdain forbids me, and my dread of shame
Among the Spirits beneath, whom I seduc'd
With other promises and other vaunts
Then to submit, boasting I could subdue [ 85 ]
Th' Omnipotent. Ay me, they little know
How dearly I abide that boast so vaine,
Under what torments inwardly I groane:
While they adore me on the Throne of Hell,
With Diadem and Sceptre high advanc'd [ 90 ]
The lower still I fall, onely Supream
In miserie; such joy Ambition findes.
But say I could repent and could obtaine
By Act of Grace my former state; how soon
Would higth recall high thoughts, how soon unsay [ 95 ]
What feign'd submission swore: ease would recant
Vows made in pain, as violent and void.
For never can true reconcilement grow
Where wounds of deadly hate have peirc'd so deep:
Which would but lead me to a worse relapse [ 100 ]
And heavier fall: so should I purchase deare
Short intermission bought with double smart.
This knows my punisher; therefore as farr
From granting hee, as I from begging peace:
All hope excluded thus, behold in stead [ 105 ]
Of us out-cast, exil'd, his new delight,
Mankind created, and for him this World.
So farewel Hope, and with Hope farewel Fear,
Farewel Remorse: all Good to me is lost;
Evil be thou my Good; by thee at least [ 110 ]
Divided Empire with Heav'ns King I hold
By thee, and more then half perhaps will reigne;
As Man ere long, and this new World shall know.

This Week's Topic

2008-09-02T05:05:00.000-04:00

This week's topic will be "Speeches and Monologues." That encompasses real and fictional speeches, as well as monologues from television, movies and plays. It's a broad topic so we can get a diverse spread of material.

Dan's Guilt Trip

2008-09-01T20:19:00.000-04:00

10) The Black Hole – This is one of the many knock-off films that were released following the original Star Wars. Unlike some of the other trash that came out, this Disney produced sci-fi film is mildly intelligent and just plain silly fun. The robots are not as inspired as those in Star Wars, but they offer their own charm. I think you should all check out this clip of the main robot Vincent in action.

9) Troy – People complained that Wolfgang Petersen ruined the Iliad by removing the supernatural presence of the gods. The gods may have made the film more unique, but as it stands, Troy is a solid action-epic. Brad Pitt is suitably ripped as the almost immortal Achilles, Brian Cox plays Agamemnon to crazed perfection, Sean Bean gives an intelligent performance as Odysseus, and Eric Bana stands out as the noble Hector. Greats like Brendan Gleeson and Peter O’Toole round out the cast. The action is good, the acting is solid, I can’t believe this only has a 55% on Rotten Tomatoes. (I have not seen the Director’s Cut, but I hear it is pretty awesome.)

8) Smokey and the Bandit – This hillbilly classic is one my favorite comedies. Burt Reynold’s is pitch-perfect as the Bandit, a scoundrel trying to help sneak beer into Texarkana. Jackie Gleason plays a Sheriff trying to hunt down the Bandit. The movie is full of great chases, humorous antics, and palpable chemistry between Reynolds and Sally Field.

7) The Aristocats – This is by no means a despised movie, I’m just a bit embarrassed to admit I love this tale of cuddly cats trying to make it home. The highlight of the film is the voice casting: Phil Harris continues his tradition of voicing ne’er-do-wells with hearts of gold, Eva Gabor as a pampered cat who is willing to jam with the commoners, and what sounds like three children giving the kittens adorable voices. The songs and animation are just as good as those in other Disney films of the era.

6) Cruel Intentions – One of the sleaziest films I have ever seen. None of the characters are likable, the writing is obnoxious, and the plot is ridiculous, but I love this movie. I can’t even explain why I enjoy watching this movie, since I can’t pick out a single attribute that is worthwhile. I suppose the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Golden Trailer award winner for trashiest trailer!

5) Super Mario Bros. - I don’t know what the screenwriter was on when he was playing the game, but he managed to turn a cute, harmless adventure into a fucked up, misunderstood classic. The mushroom-esque goombas are turned into trench coated dinosaurs with shrunken heads, the scenic mushroom kingdom is twisted into an urban nightmare, and Bowser is Dennis Hopper in a suit.

4) Varsity Blues – This is as trashy as Cruel Intentions, but with a lot more heart. James Van Der Beek is hilariously terrible as the backup quarterback Jonathon “Mox” Moxon who finds himself taking center stage following the previous QB’s injury. This also has a ton of great scenes: whipped cream bikini, sex on the washing machine, the teacher stripping in her off hours…I kind of want to watch this movie right now.

3) National Treasure – This movie holds the distinction of being watched twice in one weekend while it was airing on cable. I talked about this last week with my Nicolas Cage choices, so I’ll let you be the judge with this clip:

2) Robot Monster – I viewed this film ironically the first few times I saw it, but as the years progressed I began to appreciate it more and more. The pitiful Ro-Man is one of film’s most tragic figures. As he spends more time on Earth, Ro-Man begins to relate more with the Humans and questions his society’s actions. He breaks away from the conformity of the planet Ro-Man by kidnapping and attempting to rape a young woman. Classic tragedy.

1) Star Wars Episodes I, II, and III – Yes, the dreaded Prequel trilogy tops my list. These films are not as good as the original three, but I don’t think they are the travesties many critics and internet geeks claim them to be.

The Phantom Menace: My patience does wear thin with the performances of Jake Lloyd and Jar Jar Binks, but this is countered with great work by Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor. The much maligned trading dispute is a brilliant setup to the subsequent episodes’ war between the corporations and democracy, and Palpatine’s rise to power.

Attack of the Clones: Although I enjoy this movie, it has made me do something that I rarely do when watching a dvd (Matrix sequels excluded): skip scenes. Yes, I skip a few of the courtship scenes between Anakin and Padmé. However, the rest of the film is great fun. Obi-Wan’s search for a bounty hunter, which results in the start of the Clone Wars, is one of the best storylines in the Star Wars films. This also has some of the best action of any Star Wars movie: a thrilling chase through the streets of Coruscant, a hand-to-hand fight between Obi-Wan and Jango Fett, the arena battle on Geonosis, and Yoda’s first lightsaber duel.

Revenge of the Sith: This film ups the ante from Clones by providing better lightsaber duels, larger battles, and better drama. Ewan McGregor’s performance as Obi-Wan gives a face to the pain Anakin’s fall brings to the galaxy. The best part of the movie is the disintegration of the Republic into a dictatorship under Emperor Palpatine. Palpatine is played brilliantly by Ian McDiarmid, who lets loose in all of his scenes.

Hula Boy's Top Ten (Alleged) Guilty Pleasure Movies

2008-08-29T22:45:00.000-04:00

In doing research to compile this list, I ran into the following qualification of a Guilty Pleasure Movie, which I felt was perfect enough to quote. I kept this in mind in making my list.

The test of a guilty pleasure movie is
1) If it comes on cable do you sit down and watch the entire film even though you’ve already seen it 20 times?
2) Do you watch it even though you also own it on DVD or video?)
3) And finally, would you ever admit to anyone that this film is one of your favorite movies?
If the answers are, respectively, yes, yes and no, well then you’ve found your guilty pleasure flick.
-MSNBC, June 2006

So, in essence, it came down to whether or not I would keep it on my DVD shelf, or if I did keep it on my shelf I would attribute it's possession to my brother or an ex. I realize this standard cannot be applied to everyone, as some people stress quantity over quality in their DVD shelves. (But I won't name names.)

Without further ado...

10. Can't Hardly Wait

I just think this is a good movie. I think I've seen it at least a dozen times, making it the second most viewed movie on this list. Sure it's cheesy, but has it not epitomized everything we've come to know about high school and college life. And I feel like those same teachings are true of law school as well.

9. Super Mario Bros.

This movie is an absolute blast, and it starts with the casting. I must say, the choices are all inspired, but I could not imagine anyone else playing Mario other than Bob Hoskins and Dennis Hopper as Bowser is delightful, plus Peter O'Toole makes a cameo as the the Mushroom King. I feel like the special effects even stand up when compared to today's releases, particularly the Mushroom Kingdom characters including the Goombas, Yoshi, and cityscape. Adding to all this is one of the funniest scenes in cinema- John Leguizamo as Luigi dancing with the Goombas- as well as one of the most action-packed scenes -Mario and Luigi's elongated slides through one of the tubes/chutes/whatever it may be. Oh, and brownie points for clarifying Mario's last name...it is Mario for those keeping track at home.

8. Baseketball

I really enjoyed this movie, from the talents of Airplane, Top Gun, and South Park. One of the first sport's spoofs that featured a great array of cameo talent including Ernest Borgnine, Bob Costas, Al Michaels, Pat O'Brien, Robert Stack, and Eric Camson-err I mean Cartman. Just listing it here makes me want to go watch this again.

7. Last Action Hero

This movie dealt with deep, interesting postmodern thoughts, before scholars, intellectuals, and pompous college students even fully knew what the term meant. Plus it was a formative movie throughout my youth, and is the reason for my idolization of Arnold. Oh, and it envisions what a terrible world it would be with Sylvester Stallone in the lead role in T2, oh what a horrible world that would be.

6. Wrong Turn

I'm a closeted horror movie fan, and this movie sums up why perfectly. On it's face it seems to be a terribly cheesy romp of a movie, but upon viewing it drums up an inner fear that I enjoy from the movies. Plus, it has Eliza Dushku in it, which is a near deal sealer inclusion on this list.

5. 100 Girls

I think the reason for this qualifying in the 'guilty pleasure' catagory is mainly for its title and DVD display. Yes, it sounds like a porno and yes it does have a plethora of chicks on the cover, but damn if it isn't an entertaining flick. With a who's who of borderline famous actress throughout (Katherine Heigl, that chick from Entourage, and that chick from The Secret World of Alex Mack) it offers a nice dialogue-driven alternative to the slew of crappy college movies that try and one up each other with gag scenes.

4. Ginger Snaps

This is certainly my favorite movie on this list, but one that so few people would ever give a shot to or care to give a shot to. The plot...two Canadian high school sisters deal with the troubles associated with high school, puberty, and one becoming a werewolf...makes the movie sound ridiculous. But it blends the high school genre, black comedy genre, and horror genre better than any movie by far. In reality, the movie is a blend of Juno and Teen Wolf, if you can imagine that. Plus, one of the leads makes an appearance as the clerk at the Women Now clinic in Juno who says "It makes my boyfriend's junk smell like boysenberry."

3. Halloween 1-7

Ever since my 13th birthday, I've been a huge Michael Myers fan. Yes the movie's get more and more ridiculous and more and more guilty pleasure as the number following the title gets higher, but I can honestly call myself a fan of each and every one. Yes, even number 7, which stars Paul Rudd in his first film role.

2. The Hot Chick

Yes, the movie starring Rob Schneider. Yes, he is a terrible actor. But yes this is a great movie. What few people believe are that the hilarious Anna Farris and stunning Rachel McAdams can right a movie starring Rob Schneider. But its the case in this movie, which I continue to find myself hysterically laughing at upon each viewing. Plus it has a couple Butch Walker songs, which certainly don't hurt its cause.

1. Bring It On

This was a no brainer. I was fortunate enough to see this movie five times in theaters, and have seen it a countless number of times since on DVD and cable. I even hate Kirsten Dunst, but somehow this movie transcends her pouty girl role that she plays in every movie. The most surprising thing to me about this movie was that Jesse Bradford, who almost steals this movie from Eliza Dushku, hasn't been a more prominent force in films since this movie. I love his character in the movie, and feel the epic battle between the Toros and Clovers is the greatest battle witnessed in film.

I loved putting this list together. Much credit goes to the category selection, which made for a highlight week in the Top 10 x 4 blog.

Josh's Top Ten Guilty Pleasure Movies

2008-08-29T09:17:00.000-04:00

This was a very fun list to make. I relied on the movies' ratings on www.rottentomatoes.com to determine if the movie was "bad." I did not include anything higher than 50%, even though there were some movies I thought got a little too much love on the old tomatometer. These are ranked based on the level of love I have for the movies, and not necessarily the level of guilt. The number in parentheses is the rating on the tomatometer. Also, I tried to provide clips where I could, but due to the unnecessary hating on some of these movies, I couldn't find a clip for everything.

10. Volcano (42%)
Why do most people not like it? A volcano erupts in downtown Los Angeles. Most moviemakers/critics are from the LA area. Nobody likes the idea of their hood being destroyed, ergo most critics don't like Volcano.
Why do I like it? We learn that lava is one of the most badass villains ever. It's only weakness? Concrete and Tommy Lee Jones. Also, more on lava later.

9. Meteor Man (31%)
Why do most people not like it? They are racist and don't like the idea of Robert Townsend playing a Superman-like character that can also learn everything a book says instantly, but only retain that knowledge for a brief time.
Why do I like it? The 90s had a severe lack of Superman movies. When I was younger this was a great replacement. As I aged, I came to appreciate the magnitude of Meteor Man's power. Talking to dogs, green thumb and learning things from books = god-like.

8. Zorro: The Gay Blade (46%)
Why do most people not like it? Anti-gay, obviously.
Why do I like it? This classic comedic revamp of the Zorro character shows that movies can be made about old characters, and made funny. We don't have to resort to movies re-enacting scenes from other movies with people falling down at the end, in order to have decent comedy. We are better than that, and Zorro:The Gay Blade proves it.

7. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie (39%)
Why do most people not like it? I'm assuming there are two reasons. First, they didn't like seeing Zordon get so disrespected. Second, they didn't like the new zords.
Why do I like it? This movie finally explores the link between Zordon and the power of the rangers. It forces the heroes to push themselves farther than they have before if they want to save Earth. It's realism and grittiness are a great pre-cursor to films like "The Dark Knight."

6. Bad Boys 2 (24%)
Why do most people not like it? People probably got a little tired of the genre. After several runs of "Beverly Hills Cop" and the first "Bad Boys," the action/comedy had already had its day at the box office when "Bad Boys 2" came out. That, and they foresaw that Martin Lawrence would completely let his acting career go, and they wanted to punish him prematurely.
Why do I like it? I did not have my fill of the action/comedy. I also love buddy comedies. I don't have much to say besides that. The clip is a "best of" compilation that speaks volumes.

5. A Lot Like Love (41%)
Why do most people not like it? It was admittedly a formulaic, frothy little rom-com. Also, the orange sweater-jacket Amanda Peet wears is atrocious, so I'm assuming that aroused the ire of many. Finally, Amanda Peet is much more attractive than Ashton Kutcher, so that took away from the realism.
Why do I like it? Well, first of all I love romantic comedies. That's out there. Deal with it. I also love Amanda Peet. And who hasn't learned how to play the guitar in order to impress someone, shown up at their door, sang them a song, and then found out that they were engaged?

4. Battlefield Earth (3%)
Why do most people not like it? I think a lot of critics and people generally have a hard time accepting the idea that humans are not the dominant species in the galaxy. Their superiority complex prevents them from enjoying any movie where mankind at one point gets its ass kicked.
Why do I like it? This movie teaches two valuable lesson. One: Forest Whitaker kicks ass as an alien. Two: You should always have leverage over people. Also, I think of this movie every time that song "Cyclone" comes on. Finally, I like the idea that I could learn how to fly a fighter jet just from playing video games. And be awesome at it.

3. Hook (22%)
Why do most people not like it? I honestly have no idea.
Why do I like it? This movie has an all star cast, and they all play their roles well. Dustin Hoffman makes a great Captain James Hook. Also, Gwyneth Paltrow has a brief cameo as the young Wendy. I love Maggie Smith as well. Further, it is an interesting interpretation of the Peter Pan character. We learn that family and friends are important, and that you shouldn't become a corporate douche bag. The movie reminds us that there is a child in all of us. It teaches us that suppressing that child will only result in being miserable. That being said, if you embrace the child in you, you can fight and fly and crow.

2. The Postman (10%)
Why do most people not like it? The only reason I can think of is that they were burned out on Kevin-Costner-starring-post-apocalyptic-movies after Waterworld. Also, it confirmed that postal workers will kill the shit out of you.
Why do I like it? I love Kevin Costner. Also, I love this genre, exploring a post war destroyed America. And I love epic movies, which this definitely is. Finally, I hate the Confederacy. It broke my heart that I couldn't find a good clip from this film online.

1. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (11%)
Why do most people not like it? 1. Nuclear Man isn't a very good character. 2. It was bathing in the light of Superman III's shittiness. 3. That kid who plays Lex Luthor's nephew is annoying. 4. People don't like Superman ending the cold war, it was a huge economy-driver. 5. It's easy to hate on the Man of Steel. He is such an epic character that anything not living up to the expectations is going to be shit on by critics.
Why do I like it? Devotees know that I am a sucker for Superman. I am also a sucker for powers on powers battles. I also enjoyed that in this movie we learn of lava's other weakness: Kal-El. Also, this movie taught me something about languages. In eighth grade we had a class where we spent 1/3 of the year on a different language. At one point the teacher said that people's names are the same no matter the language. I wisely informed him that in Superman IV, when Superman goes to different parts of the world people call "Superman" according to subtitles, but they are speaking in their native tongue. Thus disproving his assertion. Finally, this is the last Superman movie Christopher Reeves did, which is heartbreaking. I like Brandon Routh, but it will take a long time for anyone to throw on that "S" and not be compared to Chris.

Runners Up:
My Fellow Americans (50%)
Dragonheart (50%)
Teen Wolf (44%)
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (77%)

The Top Ten Guilty Pleasure Movies, According to Caitlin

2008-08-28T10:09:00.000-04:00

10. My Girl 2 (1994)

Dets: Sequels are often good candidates for guilty pleasures. As it turns out, the original My Girl is also a guilty pleasure, but I like the sequel a bit more. In the preferred installment, Vada Sultenfuss heads to L.A. in search of information about her dead mother, which her doting but still-grieving father (none other than Dan Akroyd) is unable to provide. The narrative of her adventures is augmented by a fabulous classic rock soundtrack, but that's just one of the pleasures of this film - don't overlook the jejune flirtations, gratuitous name-checking, cliche Hollywood/hippie scenes, and lack of verisimilitude.

9. Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead (1991)

Dets: Many hours of my childhood were spent watching this moving and fantasizing about what I would do if left unattended with plenty of cash for an entire summer. This movie doesn't boast quality cinematography but it's quite imaginative and undeniably fun (and sometimes disturbing, as in a creepy David Duchovny hitting on high-school Christina Applegate) to watch.

8. Dirty Dancing (1987)

Dets: One of those ubiquitous coming-of-age films, Baby is a sheltered teenager who learns a few life lessons along with some new dance steps while on vacation with her family in the Catskills. I never thought I would like this movie and so hate to think of how many times I have sat through the most repetitive and asinine television commercials just to see Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze dancing and romancing to such eighties classics as "Hungry Eyes" and "I've Had the Time of My Life."

7. Cool Runnings (1993)

Dets: "Sanka, you dead, mon?" "Ya, mon." This movie is based (loosely) on the saga of the Jamaican Bobsled Team's try for gold at the 1988 Winter Olympics in Calgary. John Candy and Doug E. Doug play on stereotypes and add hilarity to the absurdity of this endeavor. That sentence explains why the movie is both guilty and a pleasure for me.

6. Little Women (1994)

Dets: This adaptation of the novel by Louisa May Alcott features an all-star cast (Susan Sarandon, Wynona Ryder, Christian Bale, Kirsten Dunst, Claire Danes, Gabriel Byrne) trying to affect convincing nineteenth-century American accents while highlighting the intense pathos and simple joys of New England during the Civil War. It's a maudlin and over-simplified adaptation of a wonderful book, but I'm a sucker for sweet romances and period costumes and thus can never resist the temptation to pop in my VHS copy and smile through my tears as I watch Jo and Teddy lust for and lose each other, Papa return from war, and Amy finally live the life she dreamed of.

5. Ever After: A Cinderella Story (1998)

Dets: Another period film adapted from a literary work. This time, it's Renaissance France, with Drew Barrymore, Anjelica Houston, and Dougray Scott in wonderful costumes. But it's a fairy tale, so it's a guilty pleasure.

4. My Best Friend's Wedding (1997)

Dets: First of all, this film boasts an excellent guilty pleasure soundtrack. Second, the run-of-the-mill love triangle is made more interesting by the incorporation of strong and well-developed female characters.

3. Center Stage (2000)

Dets: An unseasoned dancer finds cutthroat competition, romance, and plenty of drama at a prestigious ballet company in NYC. Mandy Moore soundtrack. Everything works out exactly as you'd expect - scoring with the hot principle dancer, getting heartbroken, and then getting over it. The drama and romance for those not in the thick of it is pure delight.

2. Clueless (1995)

Dets: Alicia Silverstone, Paul Rudd, Jeremy Sisto crash cars, pass out, and fail tests but still manage to preserve their integrity - only in Hollywood (or politics?). This movie is decadent but I'd watch it again right now.

1. Bring it On (2000)

Dets:
Kirsten Dunst and some of-the-moment teen stars use their spirit fingers to triumph over backstabbing and ego trips. Upbeat and fast-paced. Spawn of numerous sequels that are presumably all guilt and no pleasure.

In Sum:
I wasn't sure which should rank higher - the unequivocally bad movies that I enjoy the most, or the ones that I feel guiltiest about enjoying, which are necessarily the least critically acclaimed. I decided to put the guilty pleasure movie that I like to most first, but the one I feel guiltiest about enjoying is Center Stage, with Cool Runnings a close second. In general, I consider guilty pleasure movies to be those that indulge fantasies about life without making any profound commentary about reality. I thought about including Mr. Holland's Opus, The Breakfast Club, and That Thing You Do!, but decided that they actually have some substance and I don't feel guilty watching or enjoying them in spite of the fact that they have not made it into the canon.

Guest Post

2008-08-27T09:15:00.000-04:00

This week we welcome our good friend Caitlin as a guest poster. Do you want to guest post on The Top 10? Just leave a comment with your e-mail address!

Next Topic

2008-08-24T21:18:00.000-04:00

Sorry for two movie posts in a row, but they are my favorite. I have chosen Top 10 Guilty Pleasure movies. These are movies that you enjoy that are either widely considered to be bad or you feel embarrassed about enjoying. I have considered expanding this to perhaps include television shows, bands, and books. Feel free to opine on this idea.

Hula Boy's Thoughts on the Cage-Jackson Theory

2008-08-23T11:35:00.001-04:00

10. Snakes on a Plane
Sammy J was made for this movie, plain and simple. He brings a realism that no other actor could to such an outlandish movie. I think this movie is worth it alone for the single greatest quote in movie history. Also, Keenan (or is it Kel) is in the movie, and Sammy J has to tell him how his videogame experience is gonna help save the flight.

9. Con Air
Nic Cage one ups Sammy J with an even better 'worst possible scenario on a plane' movie. This movie gets extra points for Nic's woeful attempt at a southern accent and his stylish looking hair. I think this movie has the best cast on this list too (John Malkovich, John Cusack, Steve Buscemi, Ving Rhames, Monica Potter, Dave Chappelle...ok maybe it only has a couple good actors).

8. Valley Girl
This movie is a must see for the fact that it is one of Nic's first movies and features him with a red highlight in his hair. But even better, he has shaved his chest so that he looks hairless with three buttons undone, but there is a beach scene where you see that he only shaved a triangle toward the top of his chest. This sounds ridiculous and is.

7. Werewolf Women of the S.S.
This movie tops Snakes on a Plane in ridiculousness plus it stars Nic Cage as Fu Manchu. 'Nuff said.

6. Wild At Heart
Nic Cage in a David Lynch movie. It seems like such a natural pairing. Plus, I'm going through a Lynch phase right now.

5. The Weather Man
I really liked this movie, and was maybe the only one. It also includes the handing of the torch as Michael Caine supports his soon to be theoretical substitute Nic Cage. And Nic Cage plays Michael Caine's son. Does anyone else see the resemblance? I don't. Oh, and the kid from About A Boy plays his son. Yea, I never knew Nic Cage was British.

4. Unbreakable
The merits of this movie have been previously documented. But let me add once thought to this list...Samuel L. Jackson is infinitely better when paired with Bruce Willis.

3. Bringing Out the Dead
Prior to making this list, I thought that Samuel L. Jackson would make most of the list leaving Nic Cage out. I completely forgot that Nic Cage actually put forth a solid performance in this movie here.

2. Iron Man
Yea, Samuel L. Jackson only has a bit part. But it is a great movie. And I include it for one more reason, to emphasize the superhero present in both of these fine actors. Nick Fury was redefined in the comic book universe to be Samuel L. Jackson, how cool is that. And Nic Cage is a superhero, I mean not only did he change his last name to be Luke's younger and much weaker brother, but he gave birth to Superman's son Kal-El. Check out the picture at the end of this post for further proof.

1. Pulp Fiction
By far the greatest flick on this list, it defined Samuel L. Jackson's career and gave him a role that he would never be able to top. Plus, there just aren't enough Sammy J movies with him in an afro.

I really didn't feel like I left any movies off this list that I didn't want to. I do have some movies that I need to see by both of these actors though including The Incredibles and Adaptation. Hula Boy ends this post with a fun little picture...

Josh's Favorite Nic Cage and Sammy J movies

2008-08-23T10:05:00.000-04:00

This list was pretty tricky for me because I've never seen Snakes on a Plane or Pulp Fiction or a few of the other movies starring Cage and Jackson.

10. Star Wars - Episode III
This almost didn't make the list because Sam Jackson essentially bitched out and let the emperor take control of the galaxy.

9. The Family Man
A heart warming story about why you should never talk to crazies in convenience stores.

8. City of Angels
Where we learn what it's like to be an angel. Boring as shit.

7. Face/Off
A movie proving that the medical field has given up on curing cancer and AIDS, and wants to focus on cooler things, like turning one person into another. Unfortunately, I don't have the technology or the steady hand to pull off that kind of procedure.

6. The Rock
Making me never want to visit a prison. Ever.

5. Deep Blue Sea
Lesson learned? Don't take god's oldest killing machine and give it will and desire. Unless you have Tom Jane there to sort it out.

4. Incredibles
This movie showed us that women move your stuff even when you're a superhero. Also, no excuse is good enough to cancel dinner plans.

3. Unbreakable
This movie was good, despite Samuel L. Jackson being the shittiest villain ever. He was a dumber version of Lex Luthor, with brittle bones.

2. Jurassic Park
In hindsight, when building the computer infrastructure along with Newman, Samuel L. Jackson should have put in a little more security. Of course, how much can you do with Windows 3.1?

1. Die Hard with a Vengeance
Samuel L. Jackson was a pretty big racist in this movie. He is forgiven because he helps John McClain solve that water jug puzzle. After seeing this movie loads of times, I still don't know how they solved that.

Nic, Sam, and Dan at the Movies

2008-08-22T01:57:00.000-04:00

I didn’t want to choose a movie where the actors made a cameo or had an incredibly minor role (so sorry Grindhouse, Kill Bill Vol. II, Goodfellas, and Iron Man). Also, I have not seen all of their films so I’m sure I’m leaving out good ones.

10) The Incredibles: This is not ranked higher on my list because Mr. Jackson only provided a supporting role. However, the film is just too good to leave off. Frozone’s argument with his wife while a robot attacks the city is classic. Mr. Jackson also provides some hilarious commentary to a bonus short film included on the dvd.

9) The Wicker Man: This movie is terrible. One of the most poorly conceived, shoddily directed efforts of recent years. However, Mr. Cage’s performance is so manic and over-the-top that its hilarity can only be intentional. His cries of, “Howdit get burned? HOWDIT GET BURNED???,” and, “Not the bees, you bitches,” are comedic gold.

8) Deep Blue Sea: Similar in quality to the Wicker Man, but featuring one of Samuel L. Jackson’s greatest scenes. I don’t wish to spoil it, but his speech to rally his scientists in their fight against the super-smart sharks is brilliantly handled.

7) Matchstick Men: This is a fun, if predictable, story about an obsessive compulsive con man dealing with the discovery of an estranged daughter. The tone remains light throughout, but Mr. Cage is able to anchor it with a strong performance.

6) National Treasure: I can’t help it, I really enjoy this movie. Although mildly corny, the comedy generally works and the action is fast-paced. I also love seeing movies that use Philadelphia well. Avoid the horrendous sequel at all costs!!!

5) Unbreakable: Mr. Jackson performs wonderfully as Elijah Price. I wonder if he spent time in comic book shops in order to perfect the air of desperateness that he surrounds Elijah with. “Mr. Glass” only fits in a fantastical comic book world, and even then he can’t be a hero.

4) Jackie Brown: This is definitely Quentin Tarantino’s most underrated film. Every cast member is at the top of their game, including Mr. Jackson as the weapons/drug dealer Ordell Robbie. You know you’ve hit the acting big-time when Robert DeNiro is playing second fiddle to you.

3) Adaptation: Nicolas Cage stars as screenwriter Charlie Kaufman and his fictional brother Donald Kaufman in this film loosely based on Charlie Kaufman writing this film (of course with the addition of said fictional brother). The movie is by turns sad, zany, violent, but always brilliant.

2) Bringing Out the Dead: Another underrated film by a great director: this time it’s Martin Scorsese. Mr. Cage convincingly shows the mental breakdown of a New York paramedic who can no longer deal with the constant pressure of saving lives. The movie is filled with a twisted supporting cast of characters played by John Goodman, Tom Sizemore, and Ving Rhames.

1) Pulp Fiction: This is the movie that made Samuel L. Jackson into the icon he is today. Motherfucker wouldn’t be the same without this film. He may not have as large a role as Bruce Willis or John Travolta, but for my money Mr. Jackson is the highlight of this film. His appropriation of biblical psalms manage to sound both menacing and comforting. You’re never sure if Jules is going to ask you out for a burger or shoot you in the head.

Honorable Mentions:

Jurassic Park: The first time I ever saw Samuel J.

Star Wars Episodes I-III: His performance may be bordering on the wooden, but Mace Windu kicks ass.

Sphere: I liked this movie in sixth grade. There’s no accounting for taste, I suppose.

Lord of War: I don’t care what other people say, I enjoyed it.

Con Air: Almost knocked out the Wicker Man on my list.

Fire Birds: Nicolas Cage has sex with the oddly Nic Cage-ian Sean Young. Gross.

Raising Arizona: Enjoyed some of this on cable once, but didn’t see enough to justify putting on my list.

Dan Lies (College Edition)

2008-08-18T00:34:00.000-04:00

10) "We are constantly making improvements on our dining options" There is very little that can be done with slop.

9) "Do you want to study together tonight?" Do you want to examine my throat tonight?

8) "Just the tip, just for a second, just to see how it feels" This person has either seen 'Wedding Crashers' too often, or is going to take advantage of your openness.

7) "That isn't laced with roofies" I've fallen for it. You've fallen for it. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

6) "You should get a laptop for class" NO. Undergraduates only need a laptop if they plan on spending an hour distracting their surrounding classmates with Facebook and online Scrabble.

5) "I absolutely do not grade on a curve" If the class does poorly enough, the professor will grade on a curve. Just aim low!

4) "I'd love to watch Legally Blonde 2" Meaning: I'd love to touch your boobs.

3) "You will need to buy the textbook for this course" You will never need to buy the textbook for this course.

2) "Yeah...that test was hard" The longer the pause, the more likely this is to be a lie. The person telling you this is just trying to spare your feelings, dummy.

1) "That test was so easy" The person shouting this lie, and he/she will be shouting it, is trying to cement him/herself into the role of classroom douche. Chances are everyone else in the class will be leaving with glum faces, but will ultimately do better on the test and in life.